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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 18:57:36 GMT -1
I thinks that's true of any ladies unfortunate to have to put up with a bit of Leicester in them!
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 18:59:03 GMT -1
A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died. After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth.
Finally the priest said to the nun, "You know, Sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?" The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, "Well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?" With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?"
The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life."
"Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel and lets get the hell out of here!"
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:00:06 GMT -1
I thinks that's true of any ladies unfortunate to have to put up with a bit of Leicester in them! haha!
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Post by Ninja Squirrel on Feb 8, 2006 19:05:41 GMT -1
Two nuns driving trough a wood when a Vampire lands on the bonnet One Nun screams "quick sister show him your cross" The other nun leans out the window and shouts" get off my bonnet you C*nt"
old but I like it
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:09:45 GMT -1
Good un! The defunct 606 Boards would have been so much better had a thread like this been allowed!
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:14:28 GMT -1
I promised MNBA some short and sweet gags last night! So here goes with the first batch. Tell you what if my boss ever saw this thread and the amount of effort I've put into my posts and the volume of typing I've done he'd have a fucking dicky fit!
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A pair of jump leads walk into a bar - the barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "Mnn - That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:17:47 GMT -1
I think we should start a "bad joke" thread....this could be a contender for it...
A man walks in to a bar....Ow!
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Post by Billy on Feb 8, 2006 19:25:02 GMT -1
a dyslexic walks into a bra.........
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:29:22 GMT -1
I think we should start a "bad joke" thread....this could be a contender for it... A man walks in to a bar....Ow! One of my favourite bad jokes is "If a bloke has '2-left feet' does he wear a pair of flip-flips on the beach?"
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:32:52 GMT -1
I promised MNBA some short and sweet gags last night! So here goes with the first batch. Tell you what if my boss ever saw this thread and the amount of effort I've put into my posts and the volume of typing I've done he'd have a fucking dicky fit! Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. A pair of jump leads walk into a bar - the barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "Mnn - That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. Batch 2 MNBA An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!". Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too (read with a slight brummie accent) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." (try the brummie accent again)
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Post by Ninja Squirrel on Feb 8, 2006 19:37:39 GMT -1
Whats the definition of a drawing pin?
Smartie with an erection!
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:38:22 GMT -1
True Story!
Couple of weeks ago wife was sat in lounge and I was on my PS2. Missus shouts through "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
I had to laugh as I got up and unplugged the telly!
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Post by MikeNewellsBarmyArmy on Feb 8, 2006 19:44:09 GMT -1
Hahahaha omg ro - there poor mate but im sitting here chuckling away. Ninja - GET OUT! hahahaha
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:49:04 GMT -1
Hahahaha omg ro - there poor mate but im sitting here chuckling away. Ninja - GET OUT! hahahaha Just warming up mate - been busy typping em up in word since 7 pm. Just a matter of cutting and pasting now. No racist ones though! I'll stick to sexist and ageist!
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Post by MikeNewellsBarmyArmy on Feb 8, 2006 19:52:08 GMT -1
Haha fair enough mate Cant stick racism, but a good bit of banter otherwise is good
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:52:32 GMT -1
True Story! Couple of weeks ago wife was sat in lounge and I was on my PS2. Missus shouts through "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." I had to laugh as I got up and unplugged the telly! hahahahahahahaha ;D
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:55:39 GMT -1
Some short and sweet ones on one of my favourite topics "Lesbianism" (cos I'm a lezza too!)
What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? A Klondyke.
Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.
What is a lesbian dinosaur called? A Lickalotapuss.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders.
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well Hung.
Did you hear that CD Lang drowned? She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table doesn't have balls.
What do you call lesbian twins? Lick-a-likes.
What's the definition of confusion? Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian? One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.
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Post by Ninja Squirrel on Feb 8, 2006 19:56:07 GMT -1
Why have women got legs?
You've seen the mess a snail makes!
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Post by Ninja Squirrel on Feb 8, 2006 19:57:30 GMT -1
Whats 20 foot long and smells of piss?
Post office Que on pension day
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Feb 8, 2006 19:57:38 GMT -1
True Story! Couple of weeks ago wife was sat in lounge and I was on my PS2. Missus shouts through "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." I had to laugh as I got up and unplugged the telly! hahahahahahahaha ;D Don't laugh too loud - she's sat behind me watching the telly! Want's to know what I find so funny! I'll have another beer then I'll her ;D
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