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Post by BW on Mar 24, 2007 8:21:07 GMT -1
Do you want a free nokia 7610 With free SIM card Free texts Free minutes anytime any network Simply log on to........................ www.dreamonyoutwat.com
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Post by BW on Mar 24, 2007 8:26:34 GMT -1
40 gypsies arrive at heavens gates.
St Peter tells them, 'we only have room for 12 so decide amongst yourselves who's coming in'.
5 minutes later, St Peter tells God, 'they've gone'
God say's, 'all 40 of them??'
St Peter replies, ' No the fucking gates'
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Post by BW on Mar 24, 2007 8:37:46 GMT -1
Teacher says to the class ' What does your dad do at weekends'
Little Jack replies, 'he's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his mouth'.
The teacher pulls little Jack to one side and asks him, 'is that true'
Little Jack replies, 'No miss, he watches West Brom but I'm to embarrassed to say'.
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Post by BW on Mar 25, 2007 10:46:53 GMT -1
There was a cucumber, a pickle and a penis. The cucumber says ' you now wot when I get hard people chop me up and eat me'
The pickle then says, 'you think that's bad, when I get hard they stick me in a jar full of vinegar'.
The penis says, 'you two get off lightly, when I get hard they put a bag over my head, then put me in a dark hole and bash my head against a wall until I'm sick, it's that bad that when I finally get out I faint'.
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Post by BW on Mar 25, 2007 10:57:40 GMT -1
In
your
life
you
meet
many
people
but
you
can
remember
only
some
who
made
a
difference
in
your
life.
And
I
know
that
I
am
one
of
those
people
because
I
made
you
read
this
long
and
fucking useless
message.
And
I
am
making
you
read
more
you twat.
Now
thats
making
a
difference
in
your
life
but
twats
like
you
don't
learn
easily
and
continue
reading
silly
messages
like
this
one.
OK
now
stop
reading
will
you
STOP
reading
hello
I
said
stop
you
Dippy
Twat
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Post by BW on Mar 25, 2007 11:20:55 GMT -1
Paddy walks past a new pub and sees a sign in the window
Pies - 50p
Wanks - 10p
He couldn't believe his luck so he goes in to be greeted by a stunning blond barmaid.
'Are you the one who gives wanks' he asks her
'Yes' she replied,
'Well wash your fucking hands I want a pie' said Paddy
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Post by BW on Mar 25, 2007 11:33:44 GMT -1
Gay Simon goes to the doctors for his test results.
The Doc says, 'sorry Simon but you've got AIDS'
Simon was devastated asked the doc what he should do??
The Doc says, ' Eat 10 sausages, one head of cabbage, 20 jalepeno peppers, 40 walnuts, 40 peanuts, half a box of allbran cereal and top it off with a gallon of prune juice'
'Will this cure me'?? Simon asks,
'No' said the Doctor, ' but it will give you a better understanding of what your fuckin arse is for'
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Post by BW on Mar 25, 2007 11:36:21 GMT -1
The BBC have been told that they must show more black people on television.
So from now on they are showing crime watch twice a week.
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Post by wolfman on Mar 27, 2007 8:14:51 GMT -1
When David Beckham scores I drink BECKS.
When Paul Scoales scores I drink SKOL.
When Charlie Miller scores I drink MILLERS.
Thank fuck David Seamen is a goalie!!
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Post by wolfman on Mar 27, 2007 8:19:34 GMT -1
A farmer lad hits a pig with his 4 x 4.
He rings his boss and says, 'its still alive but stuck in the bull bars'.
The boss says, 'shoot the fucking pig and get back to work'
The lad says, 'Ok but what do I do with his speed camera'
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Post by wolfman on Mar 27, 2007 8:27:27 GMT -1
Bloke desperate for the loo in hospital is told by a nurse to use the ladies but NOT to touch any of the buttons.
Inside there are 4 buttons on the wall marked WW, WA, PP, and ATR.
Curious he pressed WW and was gently sprayed with warm water.
He then pressed WA and warm air dried him.
PP produced a powder puff so he decided to finish it off with ATR.
He later wakes up in an hospital bed and the same nurse says " ATR means automatic tampon remover, your cock's under your pillow".
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Post by BW on Mar 27, 2007 14:32:41 GMT -1
After her 9th baby an Irish woman sees the priest.
She says, 'Father I don't know why I get pregnant so often there must be something in the air'.
'YES' said the priest, 'YOUR FUCKING LEGS'
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Post by Giar on Mar 27, 2007 14:34:44 GMT -1
swindon town fc....... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAbest joke ive heard in YEARS!
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Post by BW on Mar 28, 2007 7:36:03 GMT -1
Ukranian girl in a nightclub spot the Chelsea team having drinks.
She ask's Terry to sign her left tit, which he does.
She then ask's Drogba to sign her right tit, which he does.
Later she sees Jose Mourinio sitting in the corner, so she goes over lifts her skirt and says to Jose, 'will you sign this'
Jose replied, 'No way, the last time I signed a Ukranian C*nt it cost me 30 million'.
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Post by BW on Mar 28, 2007 7:51:07 GMT -1
Dave, a life long member of the National Front party is in a major car crash.
When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the doctor says, 'Dave I've got good news and bad news,.. the bad news is you've had 2 pints of nigger blood and 2 pints of paki blood put in you'.
Dave screams, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS THE GOOD NEWS YOU WANKER'
Doctor says, ' your cock's now 6 inches longer and your now top of the housing list'
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Post by Beerwulf on Mar 28, 2007 8:45:09 GMT -1
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Post by BW on Mar 28, 2007 8:51:10 GMT -1
Pharmacy notification - As of April 2007 Viagra will only be availabe under its chemical name. Please ask your pharmacy for mycoxaflopin.
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Post by BW on Mar 29, 2007 7:34:06 GMT -1
3 men sitting in a sauna when they heard a bleeping noise. The american pressed his arm and the bleep stopped, 'That was my pager, I hav a micro-chip in my arm' he said. Next they hear a phone ring. The Japanese man puts his palm to his ear and says, that was my mobile I have a chip in my hand. The Irishman not wanting to be out done rushes to the toilet and comes back with toilet paper hanging from his arse. The other two just stared at him and he says, ' Bejesus will you look at that!!! I'm getting a fax.
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Post by BW on Mar 29, 2007 7:38:16 GMT -1
What does a dwarf get if he runs thru a womans legs? ?? A clit around the ear A flap across the face A crack on the head
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Post by wolfman on Mar 29, 2007 8:37:25 GMT -1
A man joins the foreign legion and is sent to the desert. On his first day the sargant explains to him that there are no women and they make do with..........................................................
well...............................................................................................................................................
camels.
Later that day the soldier is on patrol when a whole herd of camels appears on the horizon. Suddenly, the entire troop dashes past him towards the herd.
"why the rush" the confused soldier ask, "there are hundreds of camels out there"
Sargant replies, " yeah but you don't want to end up with an ugly one"
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