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Post by The Lucky C on Jan 16, 2007 11:11:33 GMT -1
A plot of land is all you need to start your own go-kart track
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 11:12:14 GMT -1
FATTIES. Take a tip from smokers and stop your cravings for chips by Sellotaping a crisp to the top of your arm each morning.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:12:33 GMT -1
Smell gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:13:19 GMT -1
Avoid paying tax by going to work in a politically unstable Middle East country inhabited by religious fanatics. Ignore British Government advice to leave when a war looks imminent, then moan a few weeks later when bombs start going off and there aren't any planes home.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 11:13:35 GMT -1
PUBLIC toilet users. When you realise the person in the next cubicle is holding fire until you leave, simply open and close the toilet door without leaving. Their first plop can then be greeted with a huge cheer.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:13:51 GMT -1
Avoid losing contact lenses by drilling a small hole in each one and attaching them with a length of nylon fishing line. This can then be worn around the neck.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 11:14:04 GMT -1
CONVINCE bar staff that your pint is off by sticking your finger up your arse before holding the glass close to their nose.
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Post by The Lucky C on Jan 16, 2007 11:14:23 GMT -1
Want to frighten the postman? No need to buy and nurture a rottweiler, just record the sound of one off the TV. Next time the postman pops round, play it through the letterbox
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:15:03 GMT -1
Mix tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 11:15:07 GMT -1
Shoe bombers. Increase your payload by becoming a clown
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 11:15:45 GMT -1
To make a pot of supermarket coleslaw go further, simply grate a carrot, some cabbage and an onion into the tub, then add some mayonnaise
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:15:51 GMT -1
Record the sound of your washing machine onto a tape, then confuse neighbours by playing it back on a battery operated cassette player during a powercut.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 11:16:25 GMT -1
DRUNKEN drivers. When making your way home from a night out, put 'L' plates on your car to convince patrol-ling police that any careless driving is the result of inexperience rather than drink. How you explain a 3am driving lesson is up to you.
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Post by The Lucky C on Jan 16, 2007 11:16:26 GMT -1
Want to be the cntre of hilarious attention? Buy an expensive bottle of wine, then leave it under the radiator. Invite the local wine club round then watch their faces as the face an internal conflict as to spit it out or keep drinking the expensive poison.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:16:35 GMT -1
Play "Indiana Jones" with your pet rodent using a length of drainpipe and a cricket ball.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 11:17:36 GMT -1
AMERICANS. Wipe out the Iraqi insurgency by simply joining their side. With your 'friendly fire' tactics, the war should be over in days.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:17:37 GMT -1
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:18:15 GMT -1
Fool passers by into thinking you keep a bird of prey by walking down the street wearing a leather gauntlet, waving a piece of raw meat in your hand and constantly looking up into the sky.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 11:19:35 GMT -1
Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so It may as well look like one.
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gt
Non League Player (someone crap, like Boston)
Posts: 51
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Post by gt on Jan 16, 2007 11:19:44 GMT -1
God bless the Viz
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