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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:42:38 GMT -1
Post your useful every day tips here for all to share.
Going to microwave something for 1:30? Microwave it for 1:33 instead and save the fraction of the second it takes to move your finger from the "3" to the "0".
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:44:30 GMT -1
ELDERLY drivers. Pressing the pedal on your right will make your car go a little faster. Forget all that rubbish about suffocating at speeds above 15mph, it was all a myth
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:45:36 GMT -1
WHEN cooking spaghetti, tie all the ends together. That way you can eat it in one long suck, eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:47:08 GMT -1
COMMUTERS. Give away the sad fact that your life consists of nothing but grinding routine by standing in the exact spot on the platform where the train doors will be when the service arrives.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:47:47 GMT -1
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:49:13 GMT -1
HOSPITAL patients. Arrive for your appointment two hours after the assigned arrival time. That way, you will only have to wait an hour for your doctor to see you
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:52:26 GMT -1
Exhalt your way as soon as powers are restored amigo.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:52:59 GMT -1
Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:53:16 GMT -1
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:54:02 GMT -1
Cheers Neil. Good old Viz, eh?!
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:54:27 GMT -1
A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:54:41 GMT -1
EXPERIENCE the thrills of a skiing holiday without the expense. Simply sellotape two planks of wood to your feet, sit in your freezer for three hours, then run into a tree as fast as you can.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:54:58 GMT -1
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:55:37 GMT -1
BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:55:56 GMT -1
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
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Post by JJ on Jan 16, 2007 10:56:11 GMT -1
FOOL your friends into thinking you use expensive butter by simply using cheap margerine and ripping holes in the bread
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:56:26 GMT -1
INCREASE the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:56:58 GMT -1
PUTTING just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:57:30 GMT -1
Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.
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Post by ArgyleNeil on Jan 16, 2007 10:58:49 GMT -1
International master criminals. Tell your guards to shoot James Bond in the head at the first opportunity. Under no circumstances give him a guided tour of your base, or leave him in the custody of attractive women in bikinis.
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