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Post by BW on Feb 22, 2007 20:21:17 GMT -1
Mowgli and That Bloke also excellent - keep them coming  |
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Post by Womble 50 on Feb 23, 2007 13:41:21 GMT -1
A little girl goes with her dad to the barber, while he's having his hair cut she stands next to the chair eating a cake.
The barber says "sweetheart, you'll get hlair on your muffin"
"I know" she replied,
"I'm gonna get tits as well"
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Post by Womble 50 on Feb 23, 2007 14:40:00 GMT -1
whats the difference between pity & shame ?
Coachload of sandwell fans were killed in a motoway smash- thats a pity
But there were 3 empty seats - thats a fucking shame
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Post by BW on Feb 23, 2007 19:44:51 GMT -1
2 Jamaican women on a bus with their babies! One of the women said, " Is your baby teething yet" The other one said, " Yeah, him already got me 2 dvd's, 4 mobiles and a laptop  |
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Post by BW on Feb 25, 2007 18:14:17 GMT -1
"Rude One"  A woman slips naked in her bathroom, does the splits & ends up suctioned to the floor by her f*nny. Her husband tries but can't budge her so he calls his mate who says "I'll go get a hammer so we can break the tiles and lift her". The husband says "Ok i'll lick her ear and play with her tits while your gone" "Why" says his mate. The husband replies "If I can get her wet then maybe we can slide her to the kitchen where the tiles are cheaper" |
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Post by weallloveleeds on Feb 25, 2007 18:29:31 GMT -1
You're in the exalt queue for that! ;D
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Post by BW on Feb 25, 2007 18:47:17 GMT -1
Rude One Little Tommy on a farm runs in doors, " mummy, mummy the bull's f*cking the cow!" "No Tommy you must be polite and say the bull's suprising the cow" his mummy tells him. Later Tommy runs in again "mummy, mummy the bull's suprising all the cows!" "No Tommy the bull can't be suprising all the cow" said his mummy! Tommy replies, " yes he can he's f*cking the horse!!!" |
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Post by BW on Feb 26, 2007 11:49:00 GMT -1
2 Irishmen find a mirror in the road.
1st one picks it up, looks in it and say's "I know this face but can't put a name to it"
The 2nd one takes it off him, looks in it and say's "It's me you daft bastard"
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Post by That Bloke on Feb 28, 2007 11:35:31 GMT -1
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."
"And?" asked the doctor.
"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey — this one here looks like yours!'"
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Post by That Bloke on Feb 28, 2007 11:38:06 GMT -1
Ill get me coat...
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Post by That Bloke on Feb 28, 2007 11:39:52 GMT -1
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man,"And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
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Post by That Bloke on Feb 28, 2007 11:40:16 GMT -1
Taxi for one....
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Post by Womble 50 on Feb 28, 2007 16:09:03 GMT -1
Paddy walked into the bedroom to find his wife wearing crotchless panties
She opened her legs & said "Would you like to lick this ?"
Fuck off he replied look what it's done to your knickers !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Pete the Wolf on Feb 28, 2007 18:18:45 GMT -1
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened. "Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball." "And?" asked the doctor. "Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey — this one here looks like yours!'" Absolutely fanTAStic mate! ;D |
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Post by BW on Feb 28, 2007 20:40:54 GMT -1
Paddy walked into the bedroom to find his wife wearing crotchless panties She opened her legs & said "Would you like to lick this ?" Fuck off he replied look what it's done to your knickers !!!!!!!!!!! Brilliant so funny |
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Post by BW on Feb 28, 2007 21:08:17 GMT -1
Paddy and Jimmy need a drink. They pool their money but only have 50p.
Jimmy takes the cash into the butchers and buys a sausage!!
They go into a bar, order two pints and down them.
Before the bar man asks for the cash Jimmy puts the sausage into his fly and Paddy sucks it.
The barman throws them out!!
In the 10th pub Paddy says "I can't do this anymore, my knees are killing me"
Jimmy replies, "your knees??? I lost the fuckin sausage in the second pub!!
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Post by Wolves Away Bird on Mar 1, 2007 8:28:04 GMT -1
Ok ok my turn!
Some years ago, a sultan who had six children, all girls, began to despair
as he had no son and heir. Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally
presented him with a son and heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and
said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for
you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane."
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him American
Airlines.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.
"Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get anything for
you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him The Princess
Cruise Lines.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.
"Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall
get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons." Not
wanting to look a cheapskate, his father bought him Disney Studios and
their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.
"Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for
you."
His son, who was by now really into the Disney cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I
would like a Mickey Mouse outfit."
Not wanting to appear to be tight, his father bought him . . . . . West Bromwich Albion Football Club!!
;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Beerwulf on Mar 1, 2007 10:35:30 GMT -1
True one Friend of mine moved to Bermondsey and took a job in a pub called The Miller of Mansfield. The MoM is opposite Guy’s hospital (as opposed to Girl’s hospital). Relatives visiting often pop in before and after visiting times but one day he was surprised to see a patient come in. The patient was still in a gown and was actually attached to a drip. He was elderly and a little unsteady in his speech and on his feet. The patient made his way to the bar and asked for a double Brandy. By the look of it, this poor old boy hadn’t long to go and so my mate simply poured the drink for him. The patient sank it in one and asked for another. This time he drank half, paused halfway and said ‘I really shouldn’t be drinking this with what I’ve got’. ‘What’s that?’ asked my mate. ‘About 20p.’ Boom boom!!!! |
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 1, 2007 12:29:42 GMT -1
little old woman went to the doctor & asked for asome Viagra for her husband
"we've got 3 strengths my dear" said the doctor, "No 1 lasts an hour, No 2 lasts 4 hours & No 3 lasts 24 hours - which one would you like ?"
"No 1 will be ok " she said
"It's only to stop him pissing on his slippers"
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Post by BW on Mar 2, 2007 9:24:25 GMT -1
Why do women like sucking circumcised cocks so much???.................................................................
'Cos they can't resist something with 10% off!!!!!
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And it's Wolverhampton! Wolverhampton Wanderers F.C 
