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Post by Womble 50 on Jan 4, 2008 8:43:20 GMT -1
Two Irish men decide to go sailing one afternoon and become lost. After twenty hours with nothing to eat or drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by. He picks it up and a genie pops out. The genie notices the poor condition of the brothers and grants them one wish between the two of them. After a lot of arguing over who gets the wish, one of them blurts out, "I wish the ocean was made of beer."
Magically, the ocean turns to beer.
"You dozy Bastard!" yells the other man "Now we've got to piss in the boat!"
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Post by Womble 50 on Jan 21, 2008 16:06:26 GMT -1
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where he's met by a reception committee of angels. After a whirlwind tour, The Pope is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning the languages.
After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original handwritten script.
The angel librarian hears a loud scream, and goes running toward its source only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, shaking and crying.
"The R! They left out the R!"
"What do you mean?" the angel librarian asks.
After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"
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Post by BW on Jul 20, 2008 18:10:08 GMT -1
In the cemetry I saw four men carrying a coffin around and around. Three hours later I saw the same four men carrying the same coffin around and I thought to myself - they've lost the fuckin plot!!
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Oct 1, 2008 10:37:20 GMT -1
A man turns up at a fancy dress party wearing only a pair of trousers. "And what are you ?" asks the host. "A premature ejaculation i just came in my pants."
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Post by LondonWolf on Feb 17, 2009 10:49:31 GMT -1
News from the Spainish training camp :
Kightly has just requested that he move rooms as he was out in the wings and wants to be more central.
SEB, Iwelumo and Vokes have rooms on the top floor away from the rest of the squad, in total isolation. They’re getting used to it.
Hennessey has just won the hotel noughts and crosses competition, he was noughts, he hates crosses.
Last night was a drinking competition, tequila, Keogh declined as he hasn’t got a shot in him.
Keogh also came last in the team Mastermind quiz, he opted to pass at every opportunity.
17 players made the trip, today they played 8 a side, Dave Jones was left out.
Matt Hill has upset a local family, their beach ball was inadvertently blown into his path, he panicked and hoofed it into the sea.
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Post by Pete the Wolf on Apr 17, 2009 14:58:31 GMT -1
Boy is walking along the street & a car pulls up.
Man says to him: “I’ll give you £10 & a bag of sweets if you get in the car.”
Boy replies: “No way!”
Man says: “£50 & a bag of sweets?”
Boy replies: “No way!”
Man says: “£100 & a bag of sweets?”
Boy Yells: “GET LOST DAD! I’m not coming to watch the Albion with you!”
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Post by El Morto La Hoja! on Apr 17, 2009 15:08:16 GMT -1
;D
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Post by Kentucky Kid on Apr 17, 2009 15:18:32 GMT -1
News from the Spainish training camp : Kightly has just requested that he move rooms as he was out in the wings and wants to be more central. SEB, Iwelumo and Vokes have rooms on the top floor away from the rest of the squad, in total isolation. They’re getting used to it. Hennessey has just won the hotel noughts and crosses competition, he was noughts, he hates crosses. Last night was a drinking competition, tequila, Keogh declined as he hasn’t got a shot in him. Keogh also came last in the team Mastermind quiz, he opted to pass at every opportunity. 17 players made the trip, today they played 8 a side, Dave Jones was left out. Matt Hill has upset a local family, their beach ball was inadvertently blown into his path, he panicked and hoofed it into the sea. ;D i like that last one a lot
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