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Post by Womble 50 on Aug 25, 2007 8:30:54 GMT -1
I took the kids to the zoo the other day but the only animal around was a scraggy little dog
It was a shitzu (thanks soccer AM you made my saturday morning)
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Aug 27, 2007 17:12:20 GMT -1
WHY DID GOD CREATE MAN? BECAUSE A VIBRATOR CANT CUT THE LAWNS
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Aug 27, 2007 17:16:22 GMT -1
HOW CAN YOU MAKE A WOMAN SCREAM AFTER SEX? WIPE YOUR COCK ON THE CURTAINS
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Aug 27, 2007 17:19:32 GMT -1
I TRIED FIGHTING MY SEXUAL URGES BY TAKING COLD SHOWERS. NOW I GET AN ERECTION EVERY TIME IT RAINS
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Aug 27, 2007 17:24:05 GMT -1
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PROSTITUTE WITH A RUNNY NOSE? FULL
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Post by Womble 50 on Aug 28, 2007 11:16:24 GMT -1
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse
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Post by Womble 50 on Aug 28, 2007 11:43:18 GMT -1
I was walking past the cemetry on the way to the pub the other day & I saw 4 blokes carrying a coffin around. 3 hours later on the way back they were STILL walking around with it
I thought to myself "Those fuckers have lost the plot"
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Post by Womble 50 on Aug 28, 2007 11:45:01 GMT -1
Can anyone help me ? I was down the pub the other day & a bloke offered me 8 venison legs for 50 quid !
is thet two deer ?
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Aug 29, 2007 17:17:01 GMT -1
at the start of the second half in a recent albion match albion come out drop thier shorts and start masturbating.Tony Mowbray runs on to the pitch and shouts what the hell do you think your doing ? to which kevin phillips replies ,you told us to come out here and pull ourselves together!
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Aug 29, 2007 17:23:05 GMT -1
why do scotish men wear kilts? because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away!
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Post by Ancient Wolf on Aug 29, 2007 17:27:15 GMT -1
why dont the spanish have driving lessons and sex education on the same day? because it tires out the donkey!
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Post by Womble 50 on Aug 31, 2007 14:26:23 GMT -1
The Oldham Athletic coach has said that Lee Hughes hasn't lost any of his pace whilst in prison
Apparently he's still leaving people for dead !
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Post by BW on Sept 5, 2007 14:23:00 GMT -1
Three Irish guys are walking along a lane, and come to the Churchyard. Mick looks over the wall, and says, "Look at that fella, Parker on that gravestone over there. he was 84 when he died."
Paddy looks further along the graves, and says, "Jackson over there was 95. Now that is a good lifespan."
Murphy looks down, and says, "Look at this fella on this stone though. He was 186 when he died. Now that is old."
Paddy looks at Mick, and they are astonished. Paddy says, "What's his name then?" Murphy replies, Miles, from London."
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Post by BW on Sept 5, 2007 14:25:41 GMT -1
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
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Post by Billy on Sept 5, 2007 14:26:53 GMT -1
How do you keep an idiot in suspense? you'll tell me later, right?
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Post by BW on Sept 6, 2007 15:58:56 GMT -1
There was some confusion at the funeral directors today when Pavarotti's family came in to sort out the burial details for the singer. The family wanted to keep the costs down to a minimum but the funeral directors have refused to do it for a tenor. I'll get my bag
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Post by BW on Sept 6, 2007 21:53:18 GMT -1
Apparently they're replacing Pavarotti in the three tenors with Elton John. They're going to be called two tenors and a nine bob note. Courtesy of Hurlock
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Post by Womble 50 on Sept 7, 2007 10:55:39 GMT -1
Pavarotti's cd's special offer price in HMV for £3
Was a tenor
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Post by Womble 50 on Sept 7, 2007 10:57:08 GMT -1
Pavarotti's coffin is so large that they need a special size hearse for transport, it's half car, half bungalow
It's called a nissan dormer
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Post by Womble 50 on Sept 7, 2007 10:59:46 GMT -1
3 nuns walking down a corridor in the convent & a nude ghost appeared waving his cock at them shouting "Hocus Pocus"
1 nun drops her nick's & replies
"never mind the hocus - just fucking pocus"
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