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Post by jh1980 on Jul 18, 2007 11:40:46 GMT -1
once it's "indicative" does it really matter what the physical action was? It does matter as there are different levels of intimacy, and yet... I dunno, I'm conflicted as to what I think.
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Post by Mrs H on Jul 18, 2007 11:40:51 GMT -1
I'm just not sure that kissing is enough to constitute "cheating". I could forgive someone a drunken snog, I wouldnt be happy but I wouldn't think I'd been cheated on. then why would you need to forgive them? Because it's not like I'd want them to go out and do it on a regular basis otherwise it's like I would be giving them free licence to see how far they could push it. It would probably lead to 'cheating'!
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Post by Shippers on Jul 18, 2007 11:41:08 GMT -1
what?!? how am I being referenced in this post? your definition of cheating as opposed to mrsh's! ah I see. you know I don't actually know how to define it though.
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Post by jh1980 on Jul 18, 2007 11:42:18 GMT -1
think it's called singledom say what you mean Eoin... I trust people until proven otherwise!
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Post by Shippers on Jul 18, 2007 11:42:37 GMT -1
once it's "indicative" does it really matter what the physical action was? It does matter as there are different levels of intimacy, and yet... I dunno, I'm conflicted as to what I think. so is cheating the act or the intent? And if you were cheated on would you be more angry about the physical act, or the emotional side of betrayal and the feeling that the cheater wanted to participate in another relationship?
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Post by mortontheblade on Jul 18, 2007 11:42:49 GMT -1
I'm just not sure that kissing is enough to constitute "cheating". I could forgive someone a drunken snog, I wouldnt be happy but I wouldn't think I'd been cheated on. Ok - so say Mr H hypothetically knows this girl and they get on really well and a relationship begins to look on the cards, and their affection for each other is evident but no physical action happens - not cheating? that sounds like restrained control. thats what being an EnglishMAN, used to be all about.... mutter mutter....
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Post by Mrs H on Jul 18, 2007 11:43:07 GMT -1
I'm just not sure that kissing is enough to constitute "cheating". I could forgive someone a drunken snog, I wouldnt be happy but I wouldn't think I'd been cheated on. Ok - so say Mr H hypothetically knows this girl and they get on really well and a relationship begins to look on the cards, and their affection for each other is evident but no physical action happens - not cheating? How would I know about it? He's hardly going to do it in front of me is he? Wouldn't that scenario consistute flirting? Much like many people do on here on a day to day basis??
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Post by Shippers on Jul 18, 2007 11:44:59 GMT -1
Ok - so say Mr H hypothetically knows this girl and they get on really well and a relationship begins to look on the cards, and their affection for each other is evident but no physical action happens - not cheating? How would I know about it? He's hardly going to do it in front of me is he? Wouldn't that scenario consistute flirting? Much like many people do on here on a day to day basis?? Sorry, it's hard to explain what I mean. It's not flirting I'm trying to get at, it's more than that. I don't know how you found out, but I've got a feeling that when someone is cheating on you you can find out without them actually doing something in front of you, or them telling you (at least without grilling).
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Post by jh1980 on Jul 18, 2007 11:46:14 GMT -1
so is cheating the act or the intent? And if you were cheated on would you be more angry about the physical act, or the emotional side of betrayal and the feeling that the cheater wanted to participate in another relationship? All of that matters Shippers but what I'm basically saying is whatever "standards of conduct" I might set for myself, you can't own or control another human being, and I might forgive some of the milder stuff but not the more earthy stuff - so to that extent it is about the act. Intent is hard to prove, people (I believe) rarely set out to hurt one another, but things sometimes happen - often due to a combination of alcohol and raging hormones. I don't like the animalistic tendencies of human nature but that's just life.
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Post by Mrs H on Jul 18, 2007 11:50:03 GMT -1
How would I know about it? He's hardly going to do it in front of me is he? Wouldn't that scenario consistute flirting? Much like many people do on here on a day to day basis?? Sorry, it's hard to explain what I mean. It's not flirting I'm trying to get at, it's more than that. I don't know how you found out, but I've got a feeling that when someone is cheating on you you can find out without them actually doing something in front of you, or them telling you (at least without grilling). I think this goes back to what you were saying earlier is it the act or the intent that is cheating. In this case I personally would say it would be the act that is cheating. If they had developed feelings for each other behind my back but didn't act on it and he stayed with me, then it meant he didn't do anything because he loved me. If he loved 'the other woman' and left like I said it would be better if it happened that way and that he moved on because he loved someone else instead of just continually cheating on me behind my back.
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Post by Mrs H on Jul 18, 2007 11:51:59 GMT -1
This is all very interesting.
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Post by mortontheblade on Jul 18, 2007 11:52:15 GMT -1
Sorry, it's hard to explain what I mean. It's not flirting I'm trying to get at, it's more than that. I don't know how you found out, but I've got a feeling that when someone is cheating on you you can find out without them actually doing something in front of you, or them telling you (at least without grilling). I think this goes back to what you were saying earlier is it the act or the intent that is cheating. In this case I personally would say it would be the act that is cheating. If they had developed feelings for each other behind my back but didn't act on it and he stayed with me, then it meant he didn't do anything because he loved me. If he loved 'the other woman' and left like I said it would be better if it happened that way and that he moved on because he loved someone else instead of just continually cheating on me behind my back. are you using your self as the example in the sentences above, or has this actually happened?
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Post by Shippers on Jul 18, 2007 11:52:16 GMT -1
so is cheating the act or the intent? And if you were cheated on would you be more angry about the physical act, or the emotional side of betrayal and the feeling that the cheater wanted to participate in another relationship? All of that matters Shippers but what I'm basically saying is whatever "standards of conduct" I might set for myself, you can't own or control another human being, and I might forgive some of the milder stuff but not the more earthy stuff - so to that extent it is about the act. Intent is hard to prove, people (I believe) rarely set out to hurt one another, but things sometimes happen - often due to a combination of alcohol and raging hormones. I don't like the animalistic tendencies of human nature but that's just life. See where I'm going is that by everyone else's varying definitions I've never cheated. But I don't know if that's true. I've been in a situation where I've known that another relationship has kind of been there without anything being done or said - and I don't really know what that constitutes. Just because there was no physical act that doesn't mean that my girlfriend at the time wouldn't have been hurt and felt betrayed about how and felt and what was going on.
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Post by Shippers on Jul 18, 2007 11:54:21 GMT -1
Sorry, it's hard to explain what I mean. It's not flirting I'm trying to get at, it's more than that. I don't know how you found out, but I've got a feeling that when someone is cheating on you you can find out without them actually doing something in front of you, or them telling you (at least without grilling). I think this goes back to what you were saying earlier is it the act or the intent that is cheating. In this case I personally would say it would be the act that is cheating. If they had developed feelings for each other behind my back but didn't act on it and he stayed with me, then it meant he didn't do anything because he loved me. If he loved 'the other woman' and left like I said it would be better if it happened that way and that he moved on because he loved someone else instead of just continually cheating on me behind my back. I see. Very interesting (Mr Bond). What if he thought about leaving you for her, but didn't?
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Post by jh1980 on Jul 18, 2007 11:55:29 GMT -1
See where I'm going is that by everyone else's varying definitions I've never cheated. But I don't know if that's true. I've been in a situation where I've known that another relationship has kind of been there without anything being done or said - and I don't really know what that constitutes. Just because there was no physical act that doesn't mean that my girlfriend at the time wouldn't have been hurt and felt betrayed about how and felt and what was going on. Yeah, I remember you mentioning this in the past Shippers. As far as I'm concerned you didn't cheat. But I understand what you're saying, and it's not ideal.
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Post by Mrs H on Jul 18, 2007 11:56:33 GMT -1
I think this goes back to what you were saying earlier is it the act or the intent that is cheating. In this case I personally would say it would be the act that is cheating. If they had developed feelings for each other behind my back but didn't act on it and he stayed with me, then it meant he didn't do anything because he loved me. If he loved 'the other woman' and left like I said it would be better if it happened that way and that he moved on because he loved someone else instead of just continually cheating on me behind my back. are you using your self as the example in the sentences above, or has this actually happened? I have been cheated on many times before Morton and unfortunately it's never been because they simply fell in love with someone else it was because they couldn't keep their dicks in their trousers!
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Post by mortontheblade on Jul 18, 2007 11:57:15 GMT -1
I think this goes back to what you were saying earlier is it the act or the intent that is cheating. In this case I personally would say it would be the act that is cheating. If they had developed feelings for each other behind my back but didn't act on it and he stayed with me, then it meant he didn't do anything because he loved me. If he loved 'the other woman' and left like I said it would be better if it happened that way and that he moved on because he loved someone else instead of just continually cheating on me behind my back. I see. Very interesting (Mr Bond). What if he thought about leaving you for her, but didn't? *flashbacks to my dad leaving my mum*
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Post by Mrs H on Jul 18, 2007 11:58:30 GMT -1
I think this goes back to what you were saying earlier is it the act or the intent that is cheating. In this case I personally would say it would be the act that is cheating. If they had developed feelings for each other behind my back but didn't act on it and he stayed with me, then it meant he didn't do anything because he loved me. If he loved 'the other woman' and left like I said it would be better if it happened that way and that he moved on because he loved someone else instead of just continually cheating on me behind my back. I see. Very interesting (Mr Bond). What if he thought about leaving you for her, but didn't? Then he would want it to work with me surely? Although trust maybe an issue presuming I knew that he had wanted to leave.
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Post by jh1980 on Jul 18, 2007 11:59:58 GMT -1
I have been cheated on many times before Morton and unfortunately it's never been because they simply fell in love with someone else it was because they couldn't keep their dicks in their trousers! Useless pricks! I think the 606 posse should teach 'em all a lesson!
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Post by jh1980 on Jul 18, 2007 12:01:00 GMT -1
*flashbacks to my dad leaving my mum* I'm sure that's not unique Morts... maybe it will make us better men... maybe...
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