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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:32:34 GMT -1
Because there are a few impending marriages on this mb and there are some cynical people trying to discourage the sanctity of marriage I thought we'd have a few jokes.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:34:45 GMT -1
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:35:03 GMT -1
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:36:03 GMT -1
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:36:25 GMT -1
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifiers: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:40:12 GMT -1
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:40:33 GMT -1
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:40:56 GMT -1
A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out...'
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:41:13 GMT -1
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:41:32 GMT -1
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
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Post by Mrs H on Apr 7, 2006 13:42:09 GMT -1
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
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Post by FRANKO on Apr 7, 2006 13:46:26 GMT -1
Bored are we?
Have a look at General News, there is a post on there i think you will like.
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Post by MRMILLWALL on Apr 7, 2006 13:51:03 GMT -1
Well done Mrsh. ;D
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Post by alidyer on Apr 7, 2006 21:00:46 GMT -1
two blokes are out fishing when all of a sudden a funeral procession passes over the bridge. on seeing the cars stan stands to attention, removes his cap and clutches it against his chest whilst murmering a prayer to himself. john looks on in deep admiration and as soon as the cars are out of sight he remarks to stan about how impressed he his by his friends show of compassion and respect.
'it was the least i could do', replies stan, 'after all i was married to her for twenty seven years...'
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 15, 2006 21:12:57 GMT -1
Roaster's missus bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Roaster replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Roaster interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 15, 2006 21:14:53 GMT -1
Roaster emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," he replied. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my cock with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 15, 2006 21:18:01 GMT -1
Mrs Roaster (she's blonde bless her) went to her doctor for a check up.
Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor, "What's that thing hanging between my husbands legs?"
The doctor replies, "We call that the penis."
She then asks, "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"
The doctor replies, "We call that the head of the penis.
The bride then asks, "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"
The doctor replies, "Lady, on Mr Roaster I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"
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Post by mortontheblade on Apr 15, 2006 21:25:34 GMT -1
pmsl roaster Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. :oi would have thought so mrs h
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 15, 2006 21:29:24 GMT -1
One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana, the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.
Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come.
Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house, it kept floating away from the house, then back in.
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house, then back again?"
Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that's my husband, I told him he was going to cut the grass today come Hell or high water!"
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 26, 2006 16:46:49 GMT -1
A man & wife entered a dentist's office.
The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
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