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Post by Travis on Aug 11, 2008 11:55:01 GMT -1
I've got my eye on the Bradford show!  What ....... to cause some kind of race riot?? It could go tits up before Frank Carson's even finished his first routine! ;D |
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Post by addicted2venos on Aug 11, 2008 12:02:12 GMT -1
It could go tits up before Frank Carson's even finished his first routine! ;D It could turn into a 'Wicker Man' style cultural event ..... with all faiths and religion united in hatred of this traveling band of 80's trash!! ;D |
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Post by Travis on Aug 11, 2008 12:06:02 GMT -1
It could go tits up before Frank Carson's even finished his first routine! ;D It could turn into a 'Wicker Man' style cultural event ..... with all faiths and religion united in hatred of this traveling band of 80's trash!! ;D I want the custome with the horse head and garland!! ;D |
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Post by Bones on Aug 18, 2008 13:16:01 GMT -1
Jill Dandos former boyfriend has now been arrested for her murder after it was revealed they had rowed on the day of her death. Apparently he had wanted to paint the front door but she was dead against it.  |
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Aug 18, 2008 14:33:53 GMT -1
It seems that today's double plane crash in Coventry was an attempted 9/11-style terrorist attack. Hijackers seized control of both planes, but after flying around for a few hours looking for something in Coventry worth blowing up, they just got bored and crashed into each other instead.  |
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Aug 25, 2008 20:30:29 GMT -1
The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself. The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on - 5'9'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.
After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.
She said "Hi", and I said "Hi" in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down. "So, does that make you feel good?" she asked. "I'll bet you feel good," she continued. "In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before."
"Well, I have," I corrected her. "You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good."
I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast.
"How do you feel now," she purred.
"Okay," I replied.
Again, she said, "I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!"
Unbelievably I heard myself saying, "Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, cipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds until full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and..."
"Ahhh..." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, and pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet!!
She snapped, "Well tell me this, Smart Ass... have you ever felt such a C*nt?"
"I certainly have," I answered, "I missed the kick!".
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 1, 2008 8:01:50 GMT -1
'Political Correctness' has gone crazy in this country; I was at the zoo the other day, and you can't even say Mongoose anymore, it's 'special' goose.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 2, 2008 18:26:05 GMT -1
A paedophile from Belfast has attempted to sue the yoghurt brand Munch Bunch, after claims that their advertising catchphrase "Great for growing Kids" didn't provide the expected results!!
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Post by derbian on Sept 2, 2008 18:33:53 GMT -1
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 4, 2008 18:30:51 GMT -1
Gary Glitter bought 100 cases of Glenfiddich Scotch Whisky today, because the salesmen told him it's a cheeky little 12 year old that goes down well.
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Post by Bones on Sept 4, 2008 19:02:41 GMT -1
Police have now removed all the bodies from the burnt out mansion in Shropshire and they are now being kept in cold storage awaiting a full police examination. Well you wouldn't want a warm Fosters would you? |
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Sept 4, 2008 20:08:05 GMT -1
Carlsberg don't do family slaughter...
but Fosters do.
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Post by Bones on Sept 5, 2008 16:46:08 GMT -1
A total stranger asked me before whether i prefered legs or breasts. I explained that while i am a fan of both, i have a particular fondness for shaven fannys. He then informed me that this wasn't an option in a bargin bucket and i politely was asked to leave KFC without making a scene  |
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Post by Lollipop on Sept 10, 2008 21:22:49 GMT -1
'Political Correctness' has gone crazy in this country; I was at the zoo the other day, and you can't even say Mongoose anymore, it's 'special' goose. Bwahaha! |
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Sept 13, 2008 20:58:06 GMT -1
Just bought the latest car stereo - voice activated!
I shout "Country" and Dolly Parton comes on;
I shout 'Rock' and Guns 'n Roses hits the speakers
I was driving through town yesterday and some little shits ran out in front of me chasing a football. I lowered my window and shouted "Fucking kids"....
and the stero blasted out Gary Glitter
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Sept 13, 2008 21:00:51 GMT -1
The biggest, smarmiest and most obnoxious twat in the land!!! And the next time I meet him I hope DTR and Goalposts won't be around to prevent me from chinning the C*nt! |
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Post by Bones on Sept 13, 2008 21:25:18 GMT -1
An athelete in the paralimpics has just been stripped of his gold medal and banned for life after he tested positive for WD40 |
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Post by Teesside White on Sept 16, 2008 14:11:26 GMT -1
.:..:.:...::.:..:..:.:.:.:.
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Kindest Regards
Stevie Wonder
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Post by RMBB on Sept 17, 2008 17:18:39 GMT -1
;D ;D ;D
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Sept 17, 2008 21:07:09 GMT -1
"Give it here!"
"NO. It's MINE!"
"I said, let me have it!"
"NO! It's MY turn!"
"C'mon! Give it to me!"
"NO WAY!"
etc. etc. etc.
(Siamese twins jacking off)
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