|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 8, 2008 16:24:03 GMT -1
I was the DJ at a French wedding last week. For a laugh, during the speeches, I decided to toast the bride and groom...
...the guests didn't see the funny side............ nor did the fire brigade..
;D
|
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 10, 2008 18:11:04 GMT -1
Have you ever seen these roadside protesters? They camp out all night hoping to prevent the completion of motorways. Well, yesterday one died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him a weeks ago but the stupid fucker wouldn't have a bypass.
;D
|
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 11, 2008 7:48:18 GMT -1
A bloke goes into a pub. The barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to put
my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off." he replies.
"You dirty bastard!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."
The bloke apologises and says he will never do it again. The barmaid,
disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.
"I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse
cheeks and lick it off." he replies.
"What???" screams the barmaid, "That's it, you're barred, you dirty, filthy,
perverted bastard, GET OUT NOW!"
Once again the bloke apologises, and says he will never, ever do it again.
"Right. I'll give you one last chance," says the barmaid, "now, what do you
want?"
"I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it
all out of you."
The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting
down watching the telly. "What's up, love?" says the husband.
"There's this disgusting bloke downstairs! When I asked him what he
wanted, he said that he wanted to put his head between my tits and lick the
sweat off." she says in a flood of tears.
"What?! He's a dead man!" shouts the husband getting out of his chair.
"Then he said he wanted to pull down my knickers spread cottage
cheese between my arse cheeks and lick it off!" screams the wife.
"Right, he's going to need a body bag the bastard!" shouts the husband
rolling up his sleeves and picking up a baseball bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and drink
it out of me" she concludes.
When he hears this the husband puts the baseball bat down and sits back down
in his chair.
"Aren't you going to do something?!!" shouts the wife in hysterics.
"Listen love, I'm not messing with someone who can drink 14 pints of
Guinness..."
;D
|
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 11, 2008 10:58:50 GMT -1
I bought my wife a new car yesterday, its called the Hysterectomy.......
She can't fucking reverse it........
|
|
|
|
Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Jul 11, 2008 11:09:52 GMT -1
Have you ever seen these roadside protesters? They camp out all night hoping to prevent the completion of motorways. Well, yesterday one died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him a weeks ago but the stupid fucker wouldn't have a bypass. ;D Bravo  |
|
|
|
Post by T C on Jul 12, 2008 7:32:48 GMT -1
I bought my wife a new car yesterday, its called the Hysterectomy....... She can't fucking reverse it........ nice one coys ;D |
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 15, 2008 18:21:29 GMT -1
The old man down the road has got parkinsons........
He can't stop interviewing people. ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Jul 16, 2008 11:14:44 GMT -1
The old man down the road has got parkinsons........ He can't stop interviewing people. ;D That is brilliant |
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 16, 2008 20:14:01 GMT -1
This woman is worried she is getting fat and her husband is going off her so she thinks she'll get a pair of crotchless knickers and surprise him when he gets home from work.So she pops them on and waits in the living room and waits till he comes through the door.
"Are they crotchless knickers?" he askes when he comes in.
"Why,yes" she replys.
"Thank fuck for that!" he answers,
"I thought the sofa had burst!"
;D
|
|
|
|
Post by Roaster©®™ on Jul 16, 2008 20:44:33 GMT -1
This woman is worried she is getting fat and her husband is going off her so she thinks she'll get a pair of crotchless knickers and surprise him when he gets home from work.So she pops them on and waits in the living room and waits till he comes through the door. "Are they crotchless knickers?" he askes when he comes in. "Why,yes" she replys. "Thank fuck for that!" he answers, "I thought the sofa had burst!" ;D And if he'd lived in Folkestone he could have expected a couple of Albanian immigrants to have leapt out too ;D |
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 16, 2008 20:47:19 GMT -1
This woman is worried she is getting fat and her husband is going off her so she thinks she'll get a pair of crotchless knickers and surprise him when he gets home from work.So she pops them on and waits in the living room and waits till he comes through the door. "Are they crotchless knickers?" he askes when he comes in. "Why,yes" she replys. "Thank fuck for that!" he answers, "I thought the sofa had burst!" ;D And if he'd lived in Folkestone he could have expected a couple of Albanian immigrants to have leapt out too ;D LOL ;D...........but would there have been room with all the Somalians in there as well |
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 17, 2008 16:52:53 GMT -1
A man is sitting in a pub in Ireland suddenly he feels a gun being pointed at his back. "Catholic or Protestant?" asks the voice. "Jew," replies the man, calmly. "Cor," replies the man with the gun, "I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!"  |
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 20, 2008 8:32:46 GMT -1
Is it really necessary to put "Shake Well" on medicine prescribed to Parkinsons sufferers,
it could easily be construed as taking the piss!
|
|
|
|
Post by GUPTA on Jul 20, 2008 11:06:22 GMT -1
went to a party last night where the stripper had bulimia.....the cake came out of her ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 21, 2008 10:39:44 GMT -1
I just got a Charity appeal letter from the Alzheimer's Society.
Its the 43rd one this week.
;D
|
|
|
|
Post by Bones on Jul 21, 2008 12:05:45 GMT -1
Kids these days don't know they're born, when i was a lad there was no such thing as paedophilles, we had to buy our own sweets  |
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 24, 2008 17:48:43 GMT -1
Three men talking in a pub. 1st. "when I tickle my wife behind the ears she goes wild" 2nd. "when I play with my wife's navel she goes really wild" 3rd. "that's fuck all to what my wife goes when I wipe me cock on the curtains after shagging her!"  ;D |
|
|
|
Post by derbian on Jul 24, 2008 18:15:57 GMT -1
63 people died today in bradford it was not a terrorist attack a fucking bunk bed collasped! they're blaming it on Al-ikea
|
|
|
|
Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jul 25, 2008 7:00:44 GMT -1
63 people died today in bradford it was not a terrorist attack a fucking bunk bed collasped! they're blaming it on Al-ikea  |
|
|
|
Post by RMBB on Jul 25, 2008 8:20:43 GMT -1
|
|
;D
