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Post by BW on Mar 16, 2007 8:45:27 GMT -1
A woman has two fleas in her knickers. One flea is a burgular the other is a druggy. How do you tell which is which?? The flea that's a burgular hides in the bush, The flea that's a druggy will be sniffing the crack
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Post by BW on Mar 16, 2007 8:48:59 GMT -1
Paddy and Mick go up in a small plane, Mick say's to Paddy "If we go upside down do you think that we will fall out?" Paddy replies " Will we fuck, we've been mates for years"
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Post by BW on Mar 16, 2007 8:52:13 GMT -1
At 30 a womans vagina is round and firm. At 40 it's like an avocado pear, soft and ripe. At 50 it's like an onion - you look at it and want to cry.
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Post by BW on Mar 16, 2007 8:55:16 GMT -1
Is your partner over weight??? If so get them to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles at night!! After 2 weeks the fat fucker will be 84 miles away!!
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 9:37:09 GMT -1
Eskimo driving round wales on holiday & his car breaks down, welsh mechanic looks under the bonnet & says "You've blown a seal"
Eskimo said "So what, You shag sheep"
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 13:02:11 GMT -1
Jamaican guy goes to the doctors & says "Can you help me Doc, I can't stop jogging"
Doctor puts 2 lines of white powder down on the desk & replies "Sniff This"
The jamaican sniffs up both lines & says "Was that Cocaine ?"
"No" said the doc "It was Persil - it's guaranteed to stop coloured's running"
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:41:52 GMT -1
Q. How many policeman does it take to move a piano?
A. None. It fell down stairs on its own, guv, honest.
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:43:04 GMT -1
If quizes are quizical, what are tests?...
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:43:58 GMT -1
Q. Dad,what's a transvestite? A. I don't know, but ask your Mother he'll know!
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:45:51 GMT -1
Two Fat Guys sitting in a bar having rounds of beers. Fat Guy Billy says to Fat Guy Bob "Your round!" Bob quickly replies "You are too you fat bastard!"...
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:47:27 GMT -1
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your arse."
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:51:17 GMT -1
A man limps into a bar with a cane and crocodile. The barman stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my crock does a really ace trick..."
The barman says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the croc's mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the croc in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."I'll have a go, but don't hit me with that stick."
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:53:13 GMT -1
Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A. George Michael's latest release.
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:54:58 GMT -1
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing? A. The greyhounds wait for the hairs to come out.
Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls? A. The Spice Girls!
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 16:58:22 GMT -1
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.
The Priest calls the girl and gives her £20 and says, "Take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not proper to walk around without any panties on."
The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened.
Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church.
As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.
The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly.
The priest hands the lady £1 and says... "Lady, take this money and for God's sake, go buy yourself a razor!"
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Post by Womble 50 on Mar 16, 2007 17:01:05 GMT -1
Two college students walking through the subway to wolves & the old tramp who sits in there with his dog ask's them if they have any for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of quid and gladly hands it over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and they continue on to the game. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"
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Post by danthered on Mar 16, 2007 17:01:10 GMT -1
How do you know when Leeds are losing ?? it's five past three
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Post by BW on Mar 16, 2007 20:48:23 GMT -1
An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside the Dublin Odeon. Investigations found that they had been queueing for 3 weeks to see............................................... Closed for the winter!!
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Post by Pete the Wolf on Mar 16, 2007 21:06:46 GMT -1
A man walks into ASDA and says, "I've been circumcised. Let's see you roll THAT back!"
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Post by BW on Mar 16, 2007 21:15:43 GMT -1
Why do women like sucking circumcised cocks so much???................................................................. 'Cos they can't resist something with 10% off!!!!! But only one offer at a time ;D
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