Talking online...

[Neko Bazu]

Bash - the online quotes archive, bringing you some of the most weird and wonderful quotes from IRC chat rooms. From there, we can learn many things about talking online:

Beware typos

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit

<@david> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@sony> ...........
<@sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@david> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@david> eh?
<@david> damn i meant PAID
<@david> I get PAID today
<@david> dammit

Think before you type

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor
<rycool> ...
<NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.

Watch what you say/send, and to who

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 ([e-mail]) Quit (Leaving)

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker

<death09> my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753> ouch.
<death09> yeah.i sent them to her dad

<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering C*nt.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
<d|syztem> what the FUCK

Timing is essential

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~[e-mail]) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis>

<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.

Real life provides the best anecdotes

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

<@chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@chin^> there is no justice in the world...

<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

[Dr LuKas]

<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

;D
;D
;D


<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA ;D ;D

[Neko Bazu]

;D

[CHOPPER READ]

Real life provides the best anecdotes

As i have been saying with mine for years on here. ;D

[Dr LuKas]

I was writing a project for IT when I was back at school. And all through the project I had written 'floppy dick' instead of 'floppy disk'.

Still got a pretty good mark. ;D

[CmonYouSpurs]

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker


LMAO ;D

[Neko Bazu]

lucasledge said:

I was writing a project for IT when I was back at school. And all through the project I had written 'floppy dick' instead of 'floppy disk'.

Still got a pretty good mark. ;D

;D

[Billy]

lucasledge said:

I was writing a project for IT when I was back at school. And all through the project I had written 'floppy dick' instead of 'floppy disk'.

Still got a pretty good mark. ;D

on purpose ;D

[Neko Bazu]

Found some more!

<njeue> fuck, i got shit on my undies
<njeue> fuck, wrong window

<Sumezworking> I hate people who let their kids run around naked on the beach..
<Squinky> I know, it's hard to hide an erection in swimming trunks

<Raxor> I love the way my mom bursts into my room while I'm masturbating
<Raxor> then when I suddenly lean forward to cover my genitals she stands there and pretends nothing happened
<Raxor> just looks straight at me and says "come set the table"
<Raxor> then she kept standing there until I finally said, "okay..."
<Raxor> then as she was leaving I noticed I never turned the porn off, so there was some girl sucking on a dick on the screen the whole time
<Raxor> well bbl.. I've got to do some awkward table setting.

<@norman> so, how many dates do you have to go on before it changes from assault to domestic violence

[CmonYouSpurs]

lucasledge said:

I was writing a project for IT when I was back at school. And all through the project I had written 'floppy dick' instead of 'floppy disk'.

Still got a pretty good mark. ;D

all through!!

once i can believe but how many times did you do it funklord ;D

[Dr LuKas]

Well yeah I might have got it right once or twice but it was force of habit you know, how much time do you spending talking about disks when you're typing. ;D And no Billy I didn't do it on purpose lol.

[Neko Bazu]

lucasledge said:

Well yeah I might have got it right once or twice but it was force of habit you know, how much time do you spending talking about disks when you're typing. ;D And no Billy I didn't do it on purpose lol.

So you normally spend a lot of time talking about floppy dicks while typing...?

[CmonYouSpurs]

good job he wasnt talking about his hard disk ;D

[Dr LuKas]

cmonyouspurs said:

good job he wasnt talking about his hard disk ;D

HA HA ;D


Yes Neko, all the time.

[Neko Bazu]

<helminthes> that's like one of those dennis miller jokes.. no one gets it, no one cares then everyone forgets about it and an afghan woman dies of heatstroke

<KonamiKid> kris, i'm gonna email you pictures of my wang
<zat> hah
<KonamiKid> it will have little eyes and a moustache drawn on it
<KonamiKid> but no stick on eyes/mustache...
<Kris> gee, thanks KK
<KonamiKid> i made that mistake once before...
<KonamiKid> i had to soak my cock in a glass of alcohol to get the sticker to come off

<HunterZero|Home> my microwave is growling at me
<Baastuul> take the baby out

halfbakedbuzzard: ahah, my next door neighbors house is on fire
halfbakedbuzzard: brb, gotta get the camera

Geekie: This chick was yelling at me when I was eating chicken nuggets at mcdonalds today.
Geekie: Like 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO THOSE ANIMAAAAAALS?!?'
Geekie: and this guy behind me goes 'Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to eat my puppy-burger.
Ashleh: What did she do?
Geekie: she stfu. and cried.

ChaosPid: She was already mad at me and she yelled "I'm gonna kill you"
ChaosPid: and I responded....
ChaosPid: "This is wierd, I swear to god I just heard you offer to make me a cake, but the words didnt match up with your lips at all........but chocolate, I suppose."
Curt: What'd she do?
ChaosPid: She looked like she was gonna die... left the room and then came back a few minutes later.... in a rage.
Curt: LOL.
ChaosPid: I then told her she shouldnt have left, if she wanted to go to the store to buy ingredients, she knew she would need a man to drive her to the store, and then I called her silly.

[Teesside White]

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

HA! Simpleton

[CmonYouSpurs]

theteessidewhite said:

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

HA! Simpleton

probably redblue ;D

[Neko Bazu]

Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness?
AvatarOfSolusek: no
AvatarOfSolusek: well
AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness
Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs
AvatarOfSolusek: lol
Jakefeb3: now i have a plan
Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable

<DigiGnome> Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome> I need my socks.

<Quake-Hat> brad, your mom is fine as shit
<Quake-Hat> i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
<bad_brad> brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
<Quake-Hat> Jesus-fucking christ!!!

<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen

<beser> Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff.
<beser> Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying "Those with prejudice walk through this door" The other door's sign said "Those without prejudice walk through this door". Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says "Everyone has prejudice".
<beser> So, I start tugging on the door and say "What the hell is wrong with this damn door, did some damn Jew make this?" and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes

<acidwar> last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to get some beer
<acidwar> we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy writing a ticket
<acidwar> tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy explains that the car is parked in a no standing zone
<acidwar> tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the guy writes a ticket for abusing him
<Nuzzler> haha
<acidwar> so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the guy writes another ticket
<acidwar> 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off
<dendyh0> ...
<acidwar> and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car around the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines

<XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand

<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants

<aryov> This cake is soooo good
<aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it