Post by Neko Bazu on Nov 22, 2007 20:43:59 GMT -1
- I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
- What's another word for ‘thesaurus?’
- When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child... eventually.
- I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
- I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think, ‘Hey, maybe I wrote that’.
- I got my driver's licence photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it [moving it nearer & farther, trying to see it clearly]... and says, “Here, you can go”.
- I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, ‘I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out’.
- I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I'd like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium”.
- I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.
- The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honour. Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?”
- For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamppost and left it running. [Slow glance upward.]
- I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
- I was born by Caesarean section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
- I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
- What's another word for ‘thesaurus?’
- When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child... eventually.
- I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
- I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think, ‘Hey, maybe I wrote that’.
- I got my driver's licence photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it [moving it nearer & farther, trying to see it clearly]... and says, “Here, you can go”.
- I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, ‘I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out’.
- I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I'd like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium”.
- I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.
- The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honour. Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?”
- For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamppost and left it running. [Slow glance upward.]
- I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
- I was born by Caesarean section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
- I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.