Post by Imp on Sept 11, 2008 20:17:37 GMT -1
Here we are good people. May I just say it was a lot less stressful than last time? Without sounding naff and cheesy, thank you everyone who asked questions, they've kept me amused and it was really sweet of you to bother
1. Using a minimum of 3 pubs and 1 nightclub, explain in detail how you would have a good night out in Lincoln.
For those of you who are familiar with the place, you will already know that all good pub crawls start (or at least they did 10 years ago) uphill. I’d have a couple of pints in the Ivy Tavern and try to avoid the flying debris as yet another fight broke out. Turning right out of the Ivy, I’d head in to the Bailgate and stop off in the Duke William. From there, cross over the street and head for the Prince of Wales, then wander across the beer garden to the Lion and Snake. I’m assuming they don’t do karaoke any more…if they do, avoid the fat wailing chavs who think they’re the best thing since sliced bread and cut the visit short. Gets tricky now…on Steep Hill (the clue’s in the name), pop in to the Wig & Mitre and on leaving there, you should now be drunk enough not to be bothered if you tumble down the hill in homage to Jack & Jill. It’s now not worth trying to go back and visit pubs you’ve missed on the way down as it’s too difficult a climb. Teetering down Steep Hill, carry on down The Strait, avoid Yates, Flares and Walkabout and turn left just before Ruddock’s (Lincoln’s answer to WH Smith) heading to Ye Olde Crowne on Clasketgate. After all of that, if you’re still able to hack the pace, it’s on to Lincoln Premiere nite-spot…Ritzy! However, dependent on the alcohol consumption, some silly tw@t in your group might try and tell you Jumpin’ Jacks is a good idea. It isn’t. Ever.
Awww, I miss Lincoln. It does have a spectacular array of proper pubs, to combat the ever-growing menace of faceless chain-pubs. Yes, Yate’s Wine Lodge, I’m talking about you!
2. Whatever happened to those nice folk at Boston United?
They were summarily despatched to the Conference North (those of you above a certain age will know what that is) in one of the FA’s moments of brilliance now known as (at least on 606, I believe) ‘pick a punishment out of the hat’. Steve Evans is a morally devoid man and one day the hole he digs will swallow him up and Her Majesty will have the pleasure of his company for a very, VERY long time.
3. Do you have any new rbno material on gfj?
Yes, I do. I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone, but seeing as we told DTR, it’s futile to keep it to myself any more. GfJ was eyed up by a gay friend of mine at a recent wedding we went to. I was told he was gorgeous, and hadn’t I done well? To add insult to his injury, Si was convinced that the said gay’s partner was trying to get close as they stood and talked. I shall now go and pack my bags…
Oh, and he's terrified of wasps and runs away like a girl when one ventures near him. (I might as well stay in the hole I've dug myself)
4. Is Mrs.H really as lovely as she seems on the board in real life? **disclaimer Mrs H would like it to be known she did not write this question herself!**
Mrs H is utterly gorgeous! She’s just as much fun as she is on here, she’s just as intelligent as we all suspected and she’s hirarious! Bit of a lightweight though. That aside, I’d highly recommend time spent in her company because she’s a wonderful lady.
5. List faces discuss?
Que?
6. What's easier being a teacher or a stepmom to Si's lil' whipper snappers?
Up until this current year’s crop, I’d have said being a teacher was infinitely easier. However, now I’ve got kids who think nothing of shouting and screaming at you, and swearing under their breath at you, I’d say it’s the former rather than the latter.
7. Is Si's sword the biggest weapon you've ever sheathed?
Absolutely, yes
8. Do you grade Si on his love making, thus deducting points for not enough foreplay, etc. & do you grade on the curve
I’ve no need to grade him any more (and given the use of the word ‘grade’, I assume this is an OG question) as he’s an A* every time! I’m so glad I get to answer these questions. Really, I’m thrilled!
9. Meeting a guy online & actually making a relationship of it, even though it worked for you would you recommend it to others?
I’m really not sure. I’ve known quite a few people who’ve started relationships with cyber-buddies and they’ve gone horribly wrong. I think what made it work in our case was that we weren’t trying to hide our personalities, it just clicked. I shall sound a bit hippy-dippy now, but I still get thrown by the idea that we were online at the same time and that fate played its part.
10. Part I: What do you consider to be your best asset & part deux: What does your loverboy consider to be your best asset?
My boobs are quite fab in the right bra! He agrees. Apparently my bum’s quite nice as well. I beg to differ.
11. Are you really as good at oral pleasure as we've all heard via PM's
Yes, I am. Although I think the bit about PMs might not strictly be true…
12. If you could live anywhere in the world with one special person: A.) Where would you live & B.) Who would you live with?
A) I’d be quite happy living Down South again…Surbiton was lovely and I’d be near John Lewis. B) I’d live with Si. Predictable, I know. Who did you think I’d say?
13. If 606 were to recreate The Village People who would be what character? (I have an idea who the gay cowboy is going to be!)
Cowboy: Si, obviously. He’s already got the hat, and gay men love him. Need I say more?
Copper: Chopper. He’s already got the costume hanging in his wardrobe.
Brickie: Cav, because a gay labourer is the total antithesis and his secret alter-ego, I’m sure…
Native American: OG. He IS a ‘native’ American.
Dodgy bloke in leather: Gres, because we all know he is the alter-ego of Dale Winton.
Soldier/sailor type: Pastie, he lives near the sea and therefore I have decreed he ought to be familiar with nautical terms. He’s also old enough to remember such ditties as In the Navy fist time around…
14. What position would you do Jeff Stelling in?
Probably something that would allow me to watch Soccer Saturday but without having to actually see The Stelling. Reverse cowgirl, I guess. You bunch of wierdos.
15. Place the following in preferential order please, Wine - GFJ - Sex - Richard Hammond and explain why?
Gah, it’s too tricky, my head’s going to explode…can I have sex with GfJ whilst drinking wine and watching a re-run of Hammond test-driving the Mustang on the A15 in Lincolnshire? Thak God you didn't throw John Lewis in Kingston into the mix. My head really would have exploded!
16. While at work do you deliberately mark down children who piss you off that day?
No, because that would be really bad! But I do make harsher feedback comments in the naughty kids’ books than I do in the good ones’ books. I do have to think more when I’m levelling naughty kids’ work because I’m not sure if their tw@tting around in class is hindering their progress or if it’s because they really ‘don’t get it’. The moral of the story is that being nice to me pays dividends.
17. Yourself and everyone you know off the message board are off on a lovely holiday when the plane crashes!!! You can choose to save whoever you want for specific tasks on the handily placed desert island, who would you save and for what tasks?
Si – because he’s a proper Gordon Ramsay…cooks like a God and swears like a Navvy!
H, Spozzlet & AC – drinking buddies (because in my answer, the island is mysteriously equipped with a couple of nice pubs) and lovely ladies for sane conversation
DTR – resident farmer
Mort – DTR’s right-hand man, solely in charge of turnips
GB - I couldn't leave my nephew behind now, could I? He's an absolute love, and I'd hate him to miss out on all the fun!
Neko – the pet cat we could keep amused with a rolled-up ball of tin-foil
TC – the man to ground us all once we’d lost use of technology
The Prowlers – to keep us all entertained with their witty anecdotes, and to scare off any beasties late at night
OG – for a touch of unreality and so he could perv at the native ladies walking around with their boobies out
GT – so he could dream of the day we got rescued and then tell us what to expect
Cav – as H’s personal slave
Roaster – to sing ‘We’re Yorkshire, we’re mental, we’re off our fookin’ heads’ (even though he’s from Norfolk) at highly inappropriate time such as quiz night presentations
Dudette - to organise sporting events to keep us amused and fit
Ovenglove8 - for when I just can't get to sleep at night and I've run out of Ovaltine
Everyone else can come if they like, or can take their chances and swim through shark-infested waters to escape…
18. You are a teacher - what can you teach us today?
That many of our words have prefixes and suffixes with Greek origins, eg geo-, -ology, photo-, phon-, tech-, -phobia.
Now please think of 5 words with these prefixes or suffixes and use them correctly in sentences. Remember to write the full date, the TILA and use cursive handwriting.
19. Which four people from history would you invite for a dinner party round at your gaff?
Henry VIII, he was a fascinating man and I would love to hear the true story, as opposed to all the different stories we’ve been told.
Roald Dahl to keep us all entertained with his wonderful stories.
Joseph Bazalgette, so he could see that his sewerage system DID work, is still working today and saved thousands upon thousands of lives. He is a total hero of mine.
Kenneth Williams so he could do his Willo the Wisp voices.
20. If God exists, why are Leeds United so Shite?
Because He’s a Rotherham fan.
21. As teachers - do Pastie and you ever plot how to mess with kid's heads at school?
I wouldn’t ever presume to answer on Pastie’s behalf, but I know that I do plot, quite often. A TA and I once managed to have a Year 3 class believing we were 63 and 92 respectively. They really were sucked in and I think we kept it going for about 6 weeks. We put it down to very good plastic surgeons (you had to be there to appreciate how side-splittingly funny it was)…I do use sarcasm a lot in my classroom and it’s quite funny to see it confuse the hell out of the kids. However the plotting rarely comes to fruition as I’m too busy trying to teach. I hope no-one from the GTC is reading this…
22. You have just won the lottery and you are off to buy your dream car what is it going to be and why?
I had to leave this as one of the very last questions, because I’ve got a shopping list as long as my arm for sexy cars. So as it’s MY answer, I shall give you a list of several…
A Range Rover for ferrying kids around
An Aston Martin Vanquish for sheer vanity
A Q7 for popping down to Tesco
An Ascari A10 for Si…but if he pulls an ladies in it, I’ll demote him to a Lada Riva. Or I’ll buy his Toyota Carina back for him!
An Audi R8 for razzing around in
23. How do you think GB will do at the 2012 Olympic Games?
I believe there’s massive potential for Team GB to certainly match their performance in Beijing. It’d be a tad foolish to suggest we’d sweep all before us in the medal table and proudly sit at the top of it, but I reckon a top 5 finish is achievable. And yes, I’m very much PRO London 2012. I fully intend to attend as many events as I can and would LOVE to do some volunteer work there.
24. If you could do anything for 1 year, what would you do and why?
I’d travel all over the British Isles. Notes from a Small Island was really inspiring and never mind going overseas, I’d start at one end and work up to the other, going to all the little touristy places that I’d normally pass by with a pang of regret. Naturally I’d be able to take Si with me and money would be no object so we’d not have to pass on anything that cost too much. If I can’t have that as a proviso, then I’m not going to do it, alright?
25. If you could have one super power for the day what would it be and why?
I’d probably be Little Miss Jargon and would be able to hear people using naff phrases and acronyms like ‘pushing the envelope’ and ‘work/life balance’ that let them think they’re important and ‘in’ on things but really the use just makes them sound like tossers. I would borrow Lucas’s funky laser gun for the day and kill them all.
26. Jimmy sets off at 13.15 at a rate of 5mph. Little Suzie sets off at 13.30 at a rate of 15 mph. Which one can cook the best pasta bake?
Little Suzie because she understands the importance of eating a Wham Bar with a spoon whilst herding badgers with Phil Drabble
27. What was that stuff coming out of that woman’s arse?
I don’t know for sure, but I’m sure I’ve seen similar used to grease rusty door hinges…Swarfega (ask your dad) springs to mind as well…
28. Mrs H looks good in hats. Discuss!
Aw, she’d look good in a bin-liner, that girl! Her most fetching look, I have found, is leafing through porn whilst wearing an England cricket hat (of the wide-brimmed floppy variety.)
29. How long approximately do you spend creating a lesson plan?
It depends really, on how confident I am at teaching the subject. My Literacy and Numeracy plans take about 3 hours each on a weekly basis because they’re taught daily and are more detailed. I also have to set targets and mark them in much more detail being in Year 6. The foundation subjects take a little less but I do go to town on my History plans as that is my specialism. Making Power Points takes up a lot of time but the benefits come in because the kids are so much more interested and will be much more attentive. It’s always easier if you teach the same year-group in consecutive years as then the hard work’s been done, you can just tweak the plans from the previous year using evaluations. It’s a shit when you’ve been left no planning at all from other teachers as you have start from scratch and get your head around all the resources. Much as I have to do now. Planning’s a necessary evil really. I made the fatal mistake in my first year of letting it take over my life and it took a while to learn the balance between having loads of detail in my plans and having a life outside of work.
It also helps if you remember that you’ve volunteered to be in the Hotseat and then don’t have to spend 3 nights answering questions instead of planning Numeracy…
30. Have you renewed your NUT membership?
No because I’m NASUWT (and I need to let them know I’m now full-time, thank you for the reminder.) The NUT are a bit too militant for my tastes. However, I’m still outstanding on my GTC fee for this year. That’s a nice little money-making exercise for the government, just out of interest. Take £33 in May (or is it March?) as our registration fee for the professional body, and then pay us it back as a tax refund of £33 three months later. Pray tell me why…
31. Do you and Si have vegetables with your Beta Blockers each evening?
No, but we have discovered the joy of Ovaltine and a nice foot-rub.
32. What does 3.14 mean to you and would you have chips and gravy to accompany it?
Lol, I asked Si (with quite a puzzled expression on my face) what on earth this was about. It wasn’t until the ‘you stupid tart’ expression appeared on his face that I got it! Only if it’s crammed full of Steak and Kidney, and can I have mashed potatoes instead of chips?
33. Stafford is devoid of style and class. Please explain to us what it is like living in a place without art galleries, music venues or coffee houses.
I do feel I should defend my adopted (after Surbiton and Guildford) home town. I’ll have you know that despite how we appear on here, and despite the fact that some people think we’re uneducated because we can have a laugh, we’re actually a pair of culture vultures. Sometimes. We’ve got a Starbucks now. And a Costa. And lots of historically interesting places. Birmingham and Stoke (those well-renowned cultural epicentres) are really nearby and no, it’s not the same as going to the Tate or lounging around Covent Garden on a Saturday afternoon but it’s still lovely here. Not for the faint-hearted though. And if you’re even vaguely pretentious, the locals will kill you. Really.
34. Is it true that you have one buttock bigger than your breasts?
It’d have to be a VERY big buttock…
35. When's the big 606 wedding then? I trust us valued and trusted members of the site will have exclusive invites..? (At which point they'd cease to be exclusive as it'll be.. well, us lot!)
I think Honest Neko should run a little sweepstake on the board for you all to suggest possible dates. Insider tip though - anyone betting on a date this side of 2050 won’t have much of a chance…
But yes, invites to an after-show party will be extended to you all and attendance will be mandatory. I don’t CARE if your cat’s being neutered that day, or if it’s a long way to fly in from the US just for an evening, or if you’ve got your brother’s/sister’s/cousin’s/best mate’s wedding already accepted for that day. You will be there, you will drink lots, you’ll hold Laura’s hair back when she’s being sick and you’ll have fun!
36. Since you moved in together, you've barely been on the boards, will this change any time soon??
Once we go wireless, there’ll be no stopping me! Two computers - although will we be able to log on at the same time? Anyway, back to the original point. The novelty of being able to have a conversation with Si that’s not on MSN or via PM hasn’t worn off yet. When it does, I’ll be back with bells on. Are you missing me?!?
37. I have recently been invited, nay forced to attend a football game, of which I could've give a rats arse about, could you give me some tips which are guaranteed to alleviate the inevitable boredom?!
God, whatever you do, don’t go with a steaming hangover! Feeling sick and needing to stand in the concourses (and thus very near toilets in case of vomit-related emergencies) for the last half-hour watching the scores come in from around the other grounds was admittedly quite handy but I was in Leeds and there were lots of hairy-arsed drunken Yorkshire folk about so it was a tad scary. Just don’t think about the fact that it’s 90 minutes of your life you’ll never get back because you’ll cry. Oh, and don’t forget to stand up and shout if the home team scores. The fear of reprisal when you don’t is a bit overwhelming. Good luck!
38. You (not so recently) met up with some of the Leeds crew whilst attending a Leeds game with 'Fuckface' (copyright Mrs H), how did you find the whole experience?
I refer to my previous answer! The only highlight (and I’m sorry if I’ve just offended all the Leeds fans, but let’s be honest, it was) was meeting Jen, Jen and Ad. Standing in a queue for an hour and then finding it was £28 EACH (even for the then-5-year-old) to watch a League One club was not the perfect start to the afternoon.
39. If a man cheats, what would be a suitable punishment? Aside from removing their bollocks with a rusty implement?
I think squashing their bollocks in a pair of quality ceramic-plated hair straighteners PRIOR to their removal would compound the pain. What are you getting at?
Either that or send them back to the ex they left in the first place…I can imagine that would be fairly painful in some circumstances.
40. Lady Minge or Man Cock?
The Official Party Stance is man-cock…
1. Using a minimum of 3 pubs and 1 nightclub, explain in detail how you would have a good night out in Lincoln.
For those of you who are familiar with the place, you will already know that all good pub crawls start (or at least they did 10 years ago) uphill. I’d have a couple of pints in the Ivy Tavern and try to avoid the flying debris as yet another fight broke out. Turning right out of the Ivy, I’d head in to the Bailgate and stop off in the Duke William. From there, cross over the street and head for the Prince of Wales, then wander across the beer garden to the Lion and Snake. I’m assuming they don’t do karaoke any more…if they do, avoid the fat wailing chavs who think they’re the best thing since sliced bread and cut the visit short. Gets tricky now…on Steep Hill (the clue’s in the name), pop in to the Wig & Mitre and on leaving there, you should now be drunk enough not to be bothered if you tumble down the hill in homage to Jack & Jill. It’s now not worth trying to go back and visit pubs you’ve missed on the way down as it’s too difficult a climb. Teetering down Steep Hill, carry on down The Strait, avoid Yates, Flares and Walkabout and turn left just before Ruddock’s (Lincoln’s answer to WH Smith) heading to Ye Olde Crowne on Clasketgate. After all of that, if you’re still able to hack the pace, it’s on to Lincoln Premiere nite-spot…Ritzy! However, dependent on the alcohol consumption, some silly tw@t in your group might try and tell you Jumpin’ Jacks is a good idea. It isn’t. Ever.
Awww, I miss Lincoln. It does have a spectacular array of proper pubs, to combat the ever-growing menace of faceless chain-pubs. Yes, Yate’s Wine Lodge, I’m talking about you!
2. Whatever happened to those nice folk at Boston United?
They were summarily despatched to the Conference North (those of you above a certain age will know what that is) in one of the FA’s moments of brilliance now known as (at least on 606, I believe) ‘pick a punishment out of the hat’. Steve Evans is a morally devoid man and one day the hole he digs will swallow him up and Her Majesty will have the pleasure of his company for a very, VERY long time.
3. Do you have any new rbno material on gfj?
Yes, I do. I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone, but seeing as we told DTR, it’s futile to keep it to myself any more. GfJ was eyed up by a gay friend of mine at a recent wedding we went to. I was told he was gorgeous, and hadn’t I done well? To add insult to his injury, Si was convinced that the said gay’s partner was trying to get close as they stood and talked. I shall now go and pack my bags…
Oh, and he's terrified of wasps and runs away like a girl when one ventures near him. (I might as well stay in the hole I've dug myself)
4. Is Mrs.H really as lovely as she seems on the board in real life? **disclaimer Mrs H would like it to be known she did not write this question herself!**
Mrs H is utterly gorgeous! She’s just as much fun as she is on here, she’s just as intelligent as we all suspected and she’s hirarious! Bit of a lightweight though. That aside, I’d highly recommend time spent in her company because she’s a wonderful lady.
5. List faces discuss?
Que?
6. What's easier being a teacher or a stepmom to Si's lil' whipper snappers?
Up until this current year’s crop, I’d have said being a teacher was infinitely easier. However, now I’ve got kids who think nothing of shouting and screaming at you, and swearing under their breath at you, I’d say it’s the former rather than the latter.
7. Is Si's sword the biggest weapon you've ever sheathed?
Absolutely, yes
8. Do you grade Si on his love making, thus deducting points for not enough foreplay, etc. & do you grade on the curve
I’ve no need to grade him any more (and given the use of the word ‘grade’, I assume this is an OG question) as he’s an A* every time! I’m so glad I get to answer these questions. Really, I’m thrilled!
9. Meeting a guy online & actually making a relationship of it, even though it worked for you would you recommend it to others?
I’m really not sure. I’ve known quite a few people who’ve started relationships with cyber-buddies and they’ve gone horribly wrong. I think what made it work in our case was that we weren’t trying to hide our personalities, it just clicked. I shall sound a bit hippy-dippy now, but I still get thrown by the idea that we were online at the same time and that fate played its part.
10. Part I: What do you consider to be your best asset & part deux: What does your loverboy consider to be your best asset?
My boobs are quite fab in the right bra! He agrees. Apparently my bum’s quite nice as well. I beg to differ.
11. Are you really as good at oral pleasure as we've all heard via PM's
Yes, I am. Although I think the bit about PMs might not strictly be true…
12. If you could live anywhere in the world with one special person: A.) Where would you live & B.) Who would you live with?
A) I’d be quite happy living Down South again…Surbiton was lovely and I’d be near John Lewis. B) I’d live with Si. Predictable, I know. Who did you think I’d say?
13. If 606 were to recreate The Village People who would be what character? (I have an idea who the gay cowboy is going to be!)
Cowboy: Si, obviously. He’s already got the hat, and gay men love him. Need I say more?
Copper: Chopper. He’s already got the costume hanging in his wardrobe.
Brickie: Cav, because a gay labourer is the total antithesis and his secret alter-ego, I’m sure…
Native American: OG. He IS a ‘native’ American.
Dodgy bloke in leather: Gres, because we all know he is the alter-ego of Dale Winton.
Soldier/sailor type: Pastie, he lives near the sea and therefore I have decreed he ought to be familiar with nautical terms. He’s also old enough to remember such ditties as In the Navy fist time around…
14. What position would you do Jeff Stelling in?
Probably something that would allow me to watch Soccer Saturday but without having to actually see The Stelling. Reverse cowgirl, I guess. You bunch of wierdos.
15. Place the following in preferential order please, Wine - GFJ - Sex - Richard Hammond and explain why?
Gah, it’s too tricky, my head’s going to explode…can I have sex with GfJ whilst drinking wine and watching a re-run of Hammond test-driving the Mustang on the A15 in Lincolnshire? Thak God you didn't throw John Lewis in Kingston into the mix. My head really would have exploded!
16. While at work do you deliberately mark down children who piss you off that day?
No, because that would be really bad! But I do make harsher feedback comments in the naughty kids’ books than I do in the good ones’ books. I do have to think more when I’m levelling naughty kids’ work because I’m not sure if their tw@tting around in class is hindering their progress or if it’s because they really ‘don’t get it’. The moral of the story is that being nice to me pays dividends.
17. Yourself and everyone you know off the message board are off on a lovely holiday when the plane crashes!!! You can choose to save whoever you want for specific tasks on the handily placed desert island, who would you save and for what tasks?
Si – because he’s a proper Gordon Ramsay…cooks like a God and swears like a Navvy!
H, Spozzlet & AC – drinking buddies (because in my answer, the island is mysteriously equipped with a couple of nice pubs) and lovely ladies for sane conversation
DTR – resident farmer
Mort – DTR’s right-hand man, solely in charge of turnips
GB - I couldn't leave my nephew behind now, could I? He's an absolute love, and I'd hate him to miss out on all the fun!
Neko – the pet cat we could keep amused with a rolled-up ball of tin-foil
TC – the man to ground us all once we’d lost use of technology
The Prowlers – to keep us all entertained with their witty anecdotes, and to scare off any beasties late at night
OG – for a touch of unreality and so he could perv at the native ladies walking around with their boobies out
GT – so he could dream of the day we got rescued and then tell us what to expect
Cav – as H’s personal slave
Roaster – to sing ‘We’re Yorkshire, we’re mental, we’re off our fookin’ heads’ (even though he’s from Norfolk) at highly inappropriate time such as quiz night presentations
Dudette - to organise sporting events to keep us amused and fit
Ovenglove8 - for when I just can't get to sleep at night and I've run out of Ovaltine
Everyone else can come if they like, or can take their chances and swim through shark-infested waters to escape…
18. You are a teacher - what can you teach us today?
That many of our words have prefixes and suffixes with Greek origins, eg geo-, -ology, photo-, phon-, tech-, -phobia.
Now please think of 5 words with these prefixes or suffixes and use them correctly in sentences. Remember to write the full date, the TILA and use cursive handwriting.
19. Which four people from history would you invite for a dinner party round at your gaff?
Henry VIII, he was a fascinating man and I would love to hear the true story, as opposed to all the different stories we’ve been told.
Roald Dahl to keep us all entertained with his wonderful stories.
Joseph Bazalgette, so he could see that his sewerage system DID work, is still working today and saved thousands upon thousands of lives. He is a total hero of mine.
Kenneth Williams so he could do his Willo the Wisp voices.
20. If God exists, why are Leeds United so Shite?
Because He’s a Rotherham fan.
21. As teachers - do Pastie and you ever plot how to mess with kid's heads at school?
I wouldn’t ever presume to answer on Pastie’s behalf, but I know that I do plot, quite often. A TA and I once managed to have a Year 3 class believing we were 63 and 92 respectively. They really were sucked in and I think we kept it going for about 6 weeks. We put it down to very good plastic surgeons (you had to be there to appreciate how side-splittingly funny it was)…I do use sarcasm a lot in my classroom and it’s quite funny to see it confuse the hell out of the kids. However the plotting rarely comes to fruition as I’m too busy trying to teach. I hope no-one from the GTC is reading this…
22. You have just won the lottery and you are off to buy your dream car what is it going to be and why?
I had to leave this as one of the very last questions, because I’ve got a shopping list as long as my arm for sexy cars. So as it’s MY answer, I shall give you a list of several…
A Range Rover for ferrying kids around
An Aston Martin Vanquish for sheer vanity
A Q7 for popping down to Tesco
An Ascari A10 for Si…but if he pulls an ladies in it, I’ll demote him to a Lada Riva. Or I’ll buy his Toyota Carina back for him!
An Audi R8 for razzing around in
23. How do you think GB will do at the 2012 Olympic Games?
I believe there’s massive potential for Team GB to certainly match their performance in Beijing. It’d be a tad foolish to suggest we’d sweep all before us in the medal table and proudly sit at the top of it, but I reckon a top 5 finish is achievable. And yes, I’m very much PRO London 2012. I fully intend to attend as many events as I can and would LOVE to do some volunteer work there.
24. If you could do anything for 1 year, what would you do and why?
I’d travel all over the British Isles. Notes from a Small Island was really inspiring and never mind going overseas, I’d start at one end and work up to the other, going to all the little touristy places that I’d normally pass by with a pang of regret. Naturally I’d be able to take Si with me and money would be no object so we’d not have to pass on anything that cost too much. If I can’t have that as a proviso, then I’m not going to do it, alright?
25. If you could have one super power for the day what would it be and why?
I’d probably be Little Miss Jargon and would be able to hear people using naff phrases and acronyms like ‘pushing the envelope’ and ‘work/life balance’ that let them think they’re important and ‘in’ on things but really the use just makes them sound like tossers. I would borrow Lucas’s funky laser gun for the day and kill them all.
26. Jimmy sets off at 13.15 at a rate of 5mph. Little Suzie sets off at 13.30 at a rate of 15 mph. Which one can cook the best pasta bake?
Little Suzie because she understands the importance of eating a Wham Bar with a spoon whilst herding badgers with Phil Drabble
27. What was that stuff coming out of that woman’s arse?
I don’t know for sure, but I’m sure I’ve seen similar used to grease rusty door hinges…Swarfega (ask your dad) springs to mind as well…
28. Mrs H looks good in hats. Discuss!
Aw, she’d look good in a bin-liner, that girl! Her most fetching look, I have found, is leafing through porn whilst wearing an England cricket hat (of the wide-brimmed floppy variety.)
29. How long approximately do you spend creating a lesson plan?
It depends really, on how confident I am at teaching the subject. My Literacy and Numeracy plans take about 3 hours each on a weekly basis because they’re taught daily and are more detailed. I also have to set targets and mark them in much more detail being in Year 6. The foundation subjects take a little less but I do go to town on my History plans as that is my specialism. Making Power Points takes up a lot of time but the benefits come in because the kids are so much more interested and will be much more attentive. It’s always easier if you teach the same year-group in consecutive years as then the hard work’s been done, you can just tweak the plans from the previous year using evaluations. It’s a shit when you’ve been left no planning at all from other teachers as you have start from scratch and get your head around all the resources. Much as I have to do now. Planning’s a necessary evil really. I made the fatal mistake in my first year of letting it take over my life and it took a while to learn the balance between having loads of detail in my plans and having a life outside of work.
It also helps if you remember that you’ve volunteered to be in the Hotseat and then don’t have to spend 3 nights answering questions instead of planning Numeracy…
30. Have you renewed your NUT membership?
No because I’m NASUWT (and I need to let them know I’m now full-time, thank you for the reminder.) The NUT are a bit too militant for my tastes. However, I’m still outstanding on my GTC fee for this year. That’s a nice little money-making exercise for the government, just out of interest. Take £33 in May (or is it March?) as our registration fee for the professional body, and then pay us it back as a tax refund of £33 three months later. Pray tell me why…
31. Do you and Si have vegetables with your Beta Blockers each evening?
No, but we have discovered the joy of Ovaltine and a nice foot-rub.
32. What does 3.14 mean to you and would you have chips and gravy to accompany it?
Lol, I asked Si (with quite a puzzled expression on my face) what on earth this was about. It wasn’t until the ‘you stupid tart’ expression appeared on his face that I got it! Only if it’s crammed full of Steak and Kidney, and can I have mashed potatoes instead of chips?
33. Stafford is devoid of style and class. Please explain to us what it is like living in a place without art galleries, music venues or coffee houses.
I do feel I should defend my adopted (after Surbiton and Guildford) home town. I’ll have you know that despite how we appear on here, and despite the fact that some people think we’re uneducated because we can have a laugh, we’re actually a pair of culture vultures. Sometimes. We’ve got a Starbucks now. And a Costa. And lots of historically interesting places. Birmingham and Stoke (those well-renowned cultural epicentres) are really nearby and no, it’s not the same as going to the Tate or lounging around Covent Garden on a Saturday afternoon but it’s still lovely here. Not for the faint-hearted though. And if you’re even vaguely pretentious, the locals will kill you. Really.
34. Is it true that you have one buttock bigger than your breasts?
It’d have to be a VERY big buttock…
35. When's the big 606 wedding then? I trust us valued and trusted members of the site will have exclusive invites..? (At which point they'd cease to be exclusive as it'll be.. well, us lot!)
I think Honest Neko should run a little sweepstake on the board for you all to suggest possible dates. Insider tip though - anyone betting on a date this side of 2050 won’t have much of a chance…
But yes, invites to an after-show party will be extended to you all and attendance will be mandatory. I don’t CARE if your cat’s being neutered that day, or if it’s a long way to fly in from the US just for an evening, or if you’ve got your brother’s/sister’s/cousin’s/best mate’s wedding already accepted for that day. You will be there, you will drink lots, you’ll hold Laura’s hair back when she’s being sick and you’ll have fun!
36. Since you moved in together, you've barely been on the boards, will this change any time soon??
Once we go wireless, there’ll be no stopping me! Two computers - although will we be able to log on at the same time? Anyway, back to the original point. The novelty of being able to have a conversation with Si that’s not on MSN or via PM hasn’t worn off yet. When it does, I’ll be back with bells on. Are you missing me?!?
37. I have recently been invited, nay forced to attend a football game, of which I could've give a rats arse about, could you give me some tips which are guaranteed to alleviate the inevitable boredom?!
God, whatever you do, don’t go with a steaming hangover! Feeling sick and needing to stand in the concourses (and thus very near toilets in case of vomit-related emergencies) for the last half-hour watching the scores come in from around the other grounds was admittedly quite handy but I was in Leeds and there were lots of hairy-arsed drunken Yorkshire folk about so it was a tad scary. Just don’t think about the fact that it’s 90 minutes of your life you’ll never get back because you’ll cry. Oh, and don’t forget to stand up and shout if the home team scores. The fear of reprisal when you don’t is a bit overwhelming. Good luck!
38. You (not so recently) met up with some of the Leeds crew whilst attending a Leeds game with 'Fuckface' (copyright Mrs H), how did you find the whole experience?
I refer to my previous answer! The only highlight (and I’m sorry if I’ve just offended all the Leeds fans, but let’s be honest, it was) was meeting Jen, Jen and Ad. Standing in a queue for an hour and then finding it was £28 EACH (even for the then-5-year-old) to watch a League One club was not the perfect start to the afternoon.
39. If a man cheats, what would be a suitable punishment? Aside from removing their bollocks with a rusty implement?
I think squashing their bollocks in a pair of quality ceramic-plated hair straighteners PRIOR to their removal would compound the pain. What are you getting at?
Either that or send them back to the ex they left in the first place…I can imagine that would be fairly painful in some circumstances.
40. Lady Minge or Man Cock?
The Official Party Stance is man-cock…