Post by GresleyRam©®™ on Aug 1, 2007 15:50:59 GMT -1
Now i know Chopper probably saw this 6 months ago but i got sent it today and it made me chuckle:
Q. Dear Bruce I have some lucky condoms that I keep in my wallet. I am beginning to wonder if they really are lucky as they have been there for two months.
A. Jesus mate, no worries. Men only use rubbers when they are sober anyway. Guess that means you've been pissed for two months which makes you one lucky bastard! Just on a medical note, rubbers are good when you do an Abo as they are smelly bastards, Oh and Roos too, helps avoid bush rash.
Q. Dear Bruce my girlfriend got upset when I suggested I use an old girlfriend's vibrator on her.
A. No worries. I've seen this before. Women need reassuring. Tell the stupid bitch that you have cleaned it since you last used it. Sometimes Sheila's get hung up on hygiene.
Q. Dear Bruce I gave my sister one up the shitter and now she wants me to do her mate.
A. Eh mate you're from Melbourne right? No worries mate, as long as her mate is a Sheila its ok.
Q. Dear Bruce, after my last Hockey game I got an erection in the showers. Is this normal, I am a single guy and like girls.
A. Nah mate you're queer. Only queers play hockey.
Q Dear Bruce, my wife says I don't use enough lubricant before we have sex.
A. Exactly how many beers are you drinking before you root her?
Q. Dear Bruce, I am beginning to suspect I am gay. I wear leather trousers and have just grown a Freddie Mercury moustache. I don't know who to turn to.
A. Get a grip of yourself man. Face facts, be logical: You're queer, no one likes you, get a gun and blow your brains out.
Q. Dear Bruce my girl friend says we don't do enough foreplay.
A. Geez mate, you had me stumped for a bit. I didn't recognize the word Foreplay. Then it struck me, fore is what you shout in golf. Jeez guy, men don't play golf with women but its ok for her practice putting with your dick.
Q. Dear Bruce, I fooled around with a Kiwi and now I have a dose. What do I do?
A. Deny, deny, deny, deny, deny and never ever, ever, ever, ever admit to going with a kiwi.
Q. Bruce the boys are telling me there is such a thing as Dingo sex. What is it?
A. There are two types. The first one when you wake up next to a fucking ugly Sheila and you chew your arm off to escape rather than wake her, just like a dingo caught in a trap, and the other one is when you drink too much and your old boy it Dingo in and dingo hard.
Q. Dear Bruce I have some lucky condoms that I keep in my wallet. I am beginning to wonder if they really are lucky as they have been there for two months.
A. Jesus mate, no worries. Men only use rubbers when they are sober anyway. Guess that means you've been pissed for two months which makes you one lucky bastard! Just on a medical note, rubbers are good when you do an Abo as they are smelly bastards, Oh and Roos too, helps avoid bush rash.
Q. Dear Bruce my girlfriend got upset when I suggested I use an old girlfriend's vibrator on her.
A. No worries. I've seen this before. Women need reassuring. Tell the stupid bitch that you have cleaned it since you last used it. Sometimes Sheila's get hung up on hygiene.
Q. Dear Bruce I gave my sister one up the shitter and now she wants me to do her mate.
A. Eh mate you're from Melbourne right? No worries mate, as long as her mate is a Sheila its ok.
Q. Dear Bruce, after my last Hockey game I got an erection in the showers. Is this normal, I am a single guy and like girls.
A. Nah mate you're queer. Only queers play hockey.
Q Dear Bruce, my wife says I don't use enough lubricant before we have sex.
A. Exactly how many beers are you drinking before you root her?
Q. Dear Bruce, I am beginning to suspect I am gay. I wear leather trousers and have just grown a Freddie Mercury moustache. I don't know who to turn to.
A. Get a grip of yourself man. Face facts, be logical: You're queer, no one likes you, get a gun and blow your brains out.
Q. Dear Bruce my girl friend says we don't do enough foreplay.
A. Geez mate, you had me stumped for a bit. I didn't recognize the word Foreplay. Then it struck me, fore is what you shout in golf. Jeez guy, men don't play golf with women but its ok for her practice putting with your dick.
Q. Dear Bruce, I fooled around with a Kiwi and now I have a dose. What do I do?
A. Deny, deny, deny, deny, deny and never ever, ever, ever, ever admit to going with a kiwi.
Q. Bruce the boys are telling me there is such a thing as Dingo sex. What is it?
A. There are two types. The first one when you wake up next to a fucking ugly Sheila and you chew your arm off to escape rather than wake her, just like a dingo caught in a trap, and the other one is when you drink too much and your old boy it Dingo in and dingo hard.
