Post by HURLOCK on Jul 6, 2007 13:36:44 GMT -1
Hey guys
Friday again! Hurrah!
Kids can be SCARY!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFlcqWQVVuU
How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse? Haven't you ever wondered how it works?
Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done.
With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent.
Click on the link below and you will find out. when it appears, slowly move your mouse over the light grey circle and you will see how the magic works.
Follow this link and find out the truth: www.1-click.jp/
- Be patient, it takes a while to load the data.
Make a SImpsons charcter!
www.simpsonsmovie.com/main.html
A "Sex and the City" movie will finally happen this Fall. Variety reports that shooting will begin in NYC sometime in the fall, three years after the finale of the HBO show. New Line Cinema will distribute and finance the film for a possible 2008 release.
Creator Michael Patrick King will write and direct the script. Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis are all back for more.
Grab the K-Y, Viagra and your hormone replacement drugs! These girls are gonna need it. They should skip the movie and just put the women in a remake of "The Golden Girls." I mean that would be perfection and more fitting.
Saving the planet through white jeans and being a C*nt -
Everyone's favourite tossers Razorlight are playing Al Gore's Live Earth show at the weekend. To make the gig the band are flying in on a private jet to RAF Northolt on saturday, then being driven by limo to the gig, then they'll be driven back by limo where they'll get back on the private jet and fly up to Glasgow to play T in the park. Of course Razorlight are such an important band, and so vital to the day that they're allowed to ruin the environment all on their own.
Of course, if any terrorists fancy downing a lear jet flying between London and Scotland on Saturday, that would be just dandy.
Shit a brick - you really have to worry about the state of the world when a lanky, empty vessel in a Spice Girls-era Victoria Beckham wig is named one of the most influential women on the planet.
Yes, stroke-faced puppet Katie Holmes has been named as one of the most influential women of today because, as OK! puts it, of her "refreshing girl next door looks".
So basically, she's very influential because she's a bit rough looking and shags a scientologist.
Great.
Also on OK!'s 'definitive' list is Anna Nicole Smith's ten-month old baby. Who is clearly a very influential woman. Well done, OK! magazine.
Cool Bowling video!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5e2CgEjLpk
Is Peaches telling porkies?
Monkey never misses an issue of Grazia, especially when the newsagent has sold out of Hello!. Anyway, this week's issue is particularly special, with a Glastonbury diary written by none other than Peaches Geldof. Woo-hoo! It's Thursday morning, and Peaches arrives on site. "We finally arrive and clamber out of the car into three feet of mud. Trainers are promptly discarded ..." blah blah etc. Eh? Funny, but Monkey remembers last month's festival didn't get muddy until Friday; and not really, really muddy until Saturday and Sunday. So Peaches must have been really unlucky to find three feet of the stuff on Thursday morning. Poor thing.
Politics bitch.
Apparently, the Tories are quite certain there will be a LibDem leadership challege and change, and anticipate it will happen later in the year in plenty of time to bed in the new leader. They are so sure of this that they already have a team working on the anticipated victor's policy pronouncements, so they don't get caught flat footed.
I want a Wii!!!!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5cPVP_llfo
Jade Goody's lawyer attempted to blind the court with science when he summed up the reasons as to why she should not be banned from driving. His whole argument can be summed up in the phrase, "Look, she's thick as pigshit and she's too fat and lazy to transport her kids any other way, so let her off, eh?"
Jade, it seems, passed her theory test a few years ago, but 'forgot' to get round to passing the practical test (until a few weeks ago). As you do. She also cancelled her motor insurance, 'confusing' it with her home insurance. As you do. I'm always confusing the words 'home' and 'car', forever sleeping behind the wheel and driving the end terrace to work.
But hang on! How do you get motoring insurance without a full UK licence? Surely she didn't 'forget' to mention the fact that she was still operating with a provisional?
Perhaps Jade isn't as thick as she's making out? Note the way she swung into damage limitation exercises after the CBB racism row. Maybe there's a spark of cunning behind those cold, dead shark eyes and piggy features, albeit wrapped in a thick blanket of ignorance, like a sausage wrapped in bacon.
There's only one way to be sure. Burn her!
Come to Glasgow and we'll set about you! BRILLIANT
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCqprbH7mrg&NR=1
David Beckham is attempting to break the world record for the use of the phrase "y'know" in a TV show, as he shoots a video diary of his first few months at LA Galaxy.
This is clearly a terrible idea, and one that's unlikely to give the Emmy judging panel any sleepless nights. On paper, David has it all. Loving husband and father (and spectacular in the sack with various models), toned physique and a role model to a generation. And he drinks Pepsi, so he's an all-American guy.
But I can't help think that whichever shiny-toothed TV executive came up with this idea hasn't actually heard David speak. Body of an Adonis and all that, but voice of a camp flight attendant on helium, not forgetting all the wit and intellect of a sheet of flypaper.
Never mind, his wife will be there to pass on tips on how to make superb television. Praise the lord.
cute animals!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF4oiF3zwyI
Hair raising
Juxtaposition of the week goes to last night's London Lite. Alan Johnston is of course the lead story, with a great big picture of the BBC man above an ad for... a hair loss reversal clinic.
Spice up your wife
Simon Fuller wants some boy power
Simon Fuller has had years to put together his perfect Spice Girls reunion package. Of course it wouldn't be complete without the reality TV svengali introducing a new money-making show.
His plan is to start a search for the Spice Boys!
A worldwide TV contest which would pick the dancers for the tour. Last time round most of the girls were shagging the dancers - Mel B even married one - and Geri (who got dumped by her spice boy) has been suggesting that the dancers should all be gay. Instead they'd be chosen by public vote, with the Spice Girls on the judging panel.
(FYI: The girls will be doing most PR for the tour individually, carving up continents so they can cover more ground (and not piss each other off) Posh will do America, starting with Today show on 12th July and Jay Leno the day after.)
funny!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSBIAGCulDw
Jennifer Aniston's small fling with model Paul Sculfor looks to be over. The two began quietly dating in May, but sources say the pair have called it quits for now.
A source said, “There was no drama. They had a couple of dinners and hung out; it was never more than that.”
Another source said that Paul probably couldn't take the media drama. He returned to London without his one true love, Aniston. The two remain friends.
Angelina Jolie probably paid him off with a tango with her hypnotic vagina to leave Jennifer's ass and break her heart.
Old Jokes Home:
Q: What do you call a little German who lives in a tin?
A: Heinz.
Friday again! Hurrah!
Kids can be SCARY!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFlcqWQVVuU
How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse? Haven't you ever wondered how it works?
Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done.
With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent.
Click on the link below and you will find out. when it appears, slowly move your mouse over the light grey circle and you will see how the magic works.
Follow this link and find out the truth: www.1-click.jp/
- Be patient, it takes a while to load the data.
Make a SImpsons charcter!
www.simpsonsmovie.com/main.html
A "Sex and the City" movie will finally happen this Fall. Variety reports that shooting will begin in NYC sometime in the fall, three years after the finale of the HBO show. New Line Cinema will distribute and finance the film for a possible 2008 release.
Creator Michael Patrick King will write and direct the script. Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis are all back for more.
Grab the K-Y, Viagra and your hormone replacement drugs! These girls are gonna need it. They should skip the movie and just put the women in a remake of "The Golden Girls." I mean that would be perfection and more fitting.
Saving the planet through white jeans and being a C*nt -
Everyone's favourite tossers Razorlight are playing Al Gore's Live Earth show at the weekend. To make the gig the band are flying in on a private jet to RAF Northolt on saturday, then being driven by limo to the gig, then they'll be driven back by limo where they'll get back on the private jet and fly up to Glasgow to play T in the park. Of course Razorlight are such an important band, and so vital to the day that they're allowed to ruin the environment all on their own.
Of course, if any terrorists fancy downing a lear jet flying between London and Scotland on Saturday, that would be just dandy.
Shit a brick - you really have to worry about the state of the world when a lanky, empty vessel in a Spice Girls-era Victoria Beckham wig is named one of the most influential women on the planet.
Yes, stroke-faced puppet Katie Holmes has been named as one of the most influential women of today because, as OK! puts it, of her "refreshing girl next door looks".
So basically, she's very influential because she's a bit rough looking and shags a scientologist.
Great.
Also on OK!'s 'definitive' list is Anna Nicole Smith's ten-month old baby. Who is clearly a very influential woman. Well done, OK! magazine.
Cool Bowling video!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5e2CgEjLpk
Is Peaches telling porkies?
Monkey never misses an issue of Grazia, especially when the newsagent has sold out of Hello!. Anyway, this week's issue is particularly special, with a Glastonbury diary written by none other than Peaches Geldof. Woo-hoo! It's Thursday morning, and Peaches arrives on site. "We finally arrive and clamber out of the car into three feet of mud. Trainers are promptly discarded ..." blah blah etc. Eh? Funny, but Monkey remembers last month's festival didn't get muddy until Friday; and not really, really muddy until Saturday and Sunday. So Peaches must have been really unlucky to find three feet of the stuff on Thursday morning. Poor thing.
Politics bitch.
Apparently, the Tories are quite certain there will be a LibDem leadership challege and change, and anticipate it will happen later in the year in plenty of time to bed in the new leader. They are so sure of this that they already have a team working on the anticipated victor's policy pronouncements, so they don't get caught flat footed.
I want a Wii!!!!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5cPVP_llfo
Jade Goody's lawyer attempted to blind the court with science when he summed up the reasons as to why she should not be banned from driving. His whole argument can be summed up in the phrase, "Look, she's thick as pigshit and she's too fat and lazy to transport her kids any other way, so let her off, eh?"
Jade, it seems, passed her theory test a few years ago, but 'forgot' to get round to passing the practical test (until a few weeks ago). As you do. She also cancelled her motor insurance, 'confusing' it with her home insurance. As you do. I'm always confusing the words 'home' and 'car', forever sleeping behind the wheel and driving the end terrace to work.
But hang on! How do you get motoring insurance without a full UK licence? Surely she didn't 'forget' to mention the fact that she was still operating with a provisional?
Perhaps Jade isn't as thick as she's making out? Note the way she swung into damage limitation exercises after the CBB racism row. Maybe there's a spark of cunning behind those cold, dead shark eyes and piggy features, albeit wrapped in a thick blanket of ignorance, like a sausage wrapped in bacon.
There's only one way to be sure. Burn her!
Come to Glasgow and we'll set about you! BRILLIANT
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCqprbH7mrg&NR=1
David Beckham is attempting to break the world record for the use of the phrase "y'know" in a TV show, as he shoots a video diary of his first few months at LA Galaxy.
This is clearly a terrible idea, and one that's unlikely to give the Emmy judging panel any sleepless nights. On paper, David has it all. Loving husband and father (and spectacular in the sack with various models), toned physique and a role model to a generation. And he drinks Pepsi, so he's an all-American guy.
But I can't help think that whichever shiny-toothed TV executive came up with this idea hasn't actually heard David speak. Body of an Adonis and all that, but voice of a camp flight attendant on helium, not forgetting all the wit and intellect of a sheet of flypaper.
Never mind, his wife will be there to pass on tips on how to make superb television. Praise the lord.
cute animals!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF4oiF3zwyI
Hair raising
Juxtaposition of the week goes to last night's London Lite. Alan Johnston is of course the lead story, with a great big picture of the BBC man above an ad for... a hair loss reversal clinic.
Spice up your wife
Simon Fuller wants some boy power
Simon Fuller has had years to put together his perfect Spice Girls reunion package. Of course it wouldn't be complete without the reality TV svengali introducing a new money-making show.
His plan is to start a search for the Spice Boys!
A worldwide TV contest which would pick the dancers for the tour. Last time round most of the girls were shagging the dancers - Mel B even married one - and Geri (who got dumped by her spice boy) has been suggesting that the dancers should all be gay. Instead they'd be chosen by public vote, with the Spice Girls on the judging panel.
(FYI: The girls will be doing most PR for the tour individually, carving up continents so they can cover more ground (and not piss each other off) Posh will do America, starting with Today show on 12th July and Jay Leno the day after.)
funny!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSBIAGCulDw
Jennifer Aniston's small fling with model Paul Sculfor looks to be over. The two began quietly dating in May, but sources say the pair have called it quits for now.
A source said, “There was no drama. They had a couple of dinners and hung out; it was never more than that.”
Another source said that Paul probably couldn't take the media drama. He returned to London without his one true love, Aniston. The two remain friends.
Angelina Jolie probably paid him off with a tango with her hypnotic vagina to leave Jennifer's ass and break her heart.
Old Jokes Home:
Q: What do you call a little German who lives in a tin?
A: Heinz.