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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 30, 2009 17:28:03 GMT -1
A mate of mine had a sex change done in exchange for a dvd player and some jewellery.
He went to Gash Convertors.
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 30, 2009 17:29:06 GMT -1
I work in a DIY shop, and every day this week a nun has walked in and bought a sheet of black cloth.
I just hope she doesn't make a habit of it.
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 30, 2009 17:30:19 GMT -1
How do you know when your wife is too fat?
When you can't tell if she's wearing underwear.
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 30, 2009 17:31:58 GMT -1
Just read in the paper "Jade Goody was the most mourned celebrity this year"
To me that's like giving Osama Bin Laden an award for his contributions to New York landscaping
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 30, 2009 17:32:37 GMT -1
now xmas is over for another year our thoughts can turn to summer and days with a bucket and spade.
Or Katie and Harvey as they are otherwise known
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 30, 2009 17:33:14 GMT -1
My mate was trying to justify shagging this fat slag by saying she had lost weight and looked good now.
So I said 'Mate, you can put a champagne label on a lambrini bottle but it still tastes like shit'.
Shut him right up.
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 30, 2009 17:36:46 GMT -1
My wife doesn't understand how considerate I'm being when I suggest we have a threesome.
She'll have someone to chat with after I've gone to sleep.
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Jan 2, 2010 20:00:35 GMT -1
Taken from The Sun 31/12/09: Dear Deirdre, I keep thinking about Jade Goody's boys and how they coped at Christmas. It must be awful for them. I'm 22. When Jade died I wanted to cry but I couldn't as my family disliked her because of Celebrity Big Brother. I don't feel she was racist. I watch her shows and read her books over and over. I went to her funeral with a pal, but I feel her death is taking over my life.
Will the 606er who wrote this and sent it to the Sun please own up, its the funniest joke I've heard in ages
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 4, 2010 11:20:21 GMT -1
BBC NEWS: Man still on death row after fifteen years.
That's what happens when you ask for your last meal to be an 'all you can eat' buffet.
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Post by C@V on Jan 4, 2010 14:23:17 GMT -1
I've got a new rape alarm.
I kept forgetting when to rape people.
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Post by C@V on Jan 4, 2010 14:27:00 GMT -1
Obesity levels in children are at there highest ever levels.
But look on the bright side............that's the pension crises sorted! Those chubby little fucks will be lucky to reach 40.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 6, 2010 9:32:48 GMT -1
Why spend millions on hi-tech 'full-body' scanners for every airport?
Surely it would be cheaper to just have a hostess at the check-in, handing out bacon on cocktail sticks. Anyone who doesn't eat it doesn't fly. Simple.
Gets rid of the fucking vegetarians into the bargain.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 9, 2010 13:57:16 GMT -1
I just read a book explaining how penguins recognise each other in a crowd of millions.
It was written in Chinese.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 9, 2010 13:58:03 GMT -1
What's blue and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with a popped arm band.
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Post by Teesside White on Jan 10, 2010 12:06:21 GMT -1
Do you think Adebayor ran the full length of the bus to celebrate in front of the Gunners?
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 10, 2010 14:30:42 GMT -1
I just saw a Palestinian girl take off her clothes and get shot by an Isreali.
She was doing the Gaza Strip.
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Post by Kentucky Kid on Jan 13, 2010 17:41:39 GMT -1
Police today revealed that 200 shots were fired at the togo bus but only 3 hit the target. Anyone with information on the whereabouts of Dimitar Berbatov please phone 0800 010101 ;D
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Post by Pete the Wolf on Jan 15, 2010 13:40:37 GMT -1
Some chavs just moved in next door and asked me if i wanted a water fight, so i thought i'd post this on here whilst i was waiting for the kettle to boil.
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Post by Pete the Wolf on Jan 15, 2010 13:41:11 GMT -1
I was clubbing the other night and I was pissed... I walked up to this stunning blonde and said to her "Duck my sick!"... She said "You're pissed - don't you mean suck my dick?"... I puked on her and said... "No"
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 7, 2010 17:32:52 GMT -1
;D
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