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Post by Lollipop on Dec 5, 2008 22:07:22 GMT -1
an up and coming boxer from africa was told his career was no more after an accident resulted in amputations below both knees. but he has since made his comeback and his record now stands at 10 wins without defeet Mwaha. |
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 7, 2008 20:31:42 GMT -1
I'm getting quite concerned about what my kids are hearing in the playground. This morning I caught my daughter imitating sex acts with her Barbie and Ken dolls. I told her, "You'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." She replied, "Don't worry, Dad. He's doing her up the shitter!"  |
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Post by Bones on Dec 8, 2008 15:45:05 GMT -1
;D
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 8, 2008 17:30:04 GMT -1
A Jewish woman says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Sheldon. All he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 pence piece when it used to be the size of a 5 pence piece."
Her Mother says "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 18 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get £5000 a week allowance, you take 6 holidays a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 pence?!"
;D
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Post by GUPTA on Dec 8, 2008 19:34:43 GMT -1
two men on the eurostar and they start flirting with each other,one says to other "i fancy you fancy joining me in the toilet"
"id love to but what about lubrication?" says the other bloke
"we could use the butter off my ham sandwiches be like that film last tango in paris"
" sound fun"says the second bloke excitedly
ten minutes later another man comes out the toilet and stops the conductor and says "thats discusting whats going on in them toilets"
"why whats happening ?" asks the conductor
"well theres one bloke bent over the toilet and theres another bloke blowing up his arse saying"sorry i forgot i put mustard on"
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 9, 2008 18:53:42 GMT -1
I was chatting up an older woman in the pub the other night who said she had 5 kids. Things were going pretty well and she told me to slip into the gents and buy some condoms. I got about half way across the pub when she suddenly shouts "GET THE RIBBED KIND".
I thought to myself, for fuck's sake love, you've had 5 kids... I might as well just get the normal kind and stick lego down it.
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Dec 10, 2008 7:55:12 GMT -1
I was chatting up an older woman in the pub the other night who said she had 5 kids. Things were going pretty well and she told me to slip into the gents and buy some condoms. I got about half way across the pub when she suddenly shouts "GET THE RIBBED KIND". I thought to myself, for fuck's sake love, you've had 5 kids... I might as well just get the normal kind and stick lego down it. Boo hiss hiss ;D |
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 11, 2008 17:31:53 GMT -1
I see that under new legislation, the Goverment are going to force single mothers to name the father of their babies on birth certificates in future.
For all chav single mothers , that'll be like picking out the baked bean in a tin that made them fart!
;D
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 12, 2008 16:10:54 GMT -1
My friend likes to describe himself as an 'old romantic'.
We like to describe him as a granny fucker.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 12, 2008 20:59:40 GMT -1
Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.
It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.
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Post by Bones on Dec 13, 2008 17:25:42 GMT -1
;D
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 18, 2008 14:11:43 GMT -1
I put on some Lynx Africa yesterday, as soon as I left the house I was surrounded by flies.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Dec 19, 2008 18:19:15 GMT -1
A little boy asks his mum "why am I black and you are white?"
"Don't even ask" she replies, "When i think back to that party, you're fucking lucky you don't bark!"
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 7, 2009 10:26:53 GMT -1
I don't envy anyone going through a divorce.
When I got divorced I put a tampon on top of the T.V.
It helps remind me of the C*nt that took my DVD player.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 7, 2009 17:05:42 GMT -1
John Travolta's son died in the early hours of Friday. Doctors have ruled out Saturday night fever.  |
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Post by CHOPPER READ on Jan 7, 2009 19:17:37 GMT -1
Wasn't going to but fuck it.
John Travoltas son didn't die of a seizure as first reported.
He was on holiday in Corfu and was struck by Greece Lightning.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 7, 2009 20:51:30 GMT -1
The temperature outside tonight is much like John Travolta's family.
-1
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Post by Lollipop on Jan 7, 2009 21:38:06 GMT -1
A little boy asks his mum "why am I black and you are white?" "Don't even ask" she replies, "When i think back to that party, you're fucking lucky you don't bark!" ;D |
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Post by MozzaBedfordSpur on Jan 8, 2009 12:08:56 GMT -1
Wasn't going to but fuck it. John Travoltas son didn't die of a seizure as first reported. He was on holiday in Corfu and was struck by Greece Lightning. OMG, shame on me I loled |
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 9, 2009 12:09:55 GMT -1
I met this girl in the club last night and found we liked several bands in common. Like 'My Chemical Romance'
Or Rohypnol as some might call it.
;D
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