Post by PASTIE on Jul 16, 2007 20:58:40 GMT -1
1) On a scale of 1-10, how gutted were you to have missed out on being at RBNO Stafford?
9 – the one redeeming feature was that it is a bit of an epic journey there (yeah yeah yeah, Pete did a million miles – but where is he now?). Sitting at home talking to everybody on the phone was nice but bit of a hollow pleasure as it was obvious I was missing out on a classic. FFS, don’t phone me this time as I’ll be in France and get charged 60p a minute!
2) Do you and GFJ have the same 'Get out of any situation - the greatest excuses' book?
I would answer that, but the doorbell just rang, I’ve lost my keys and my goldfish just ate my capacity to answer otherwise apparently straightforward questions.
3) You have met the majority of the Greens on 606 - are they as you expected or has anyone surprised you?
Of those currently posting I think I have met all but one. The Saturday routine was a real bonus this past season and I can’t wait for it all to start again. No real surprises as I don’t think anybody has really tried to be anything they’re not on here (apart from myself – I’m actually a Norwegian polar adventurer, 6ft 6, blonde, tanned and shortly due to be the first Scandinavian to be sent out on the Space Shuttle – the Geography teacher bit is just a front to divert people’s attention). Steve (PastyDuchy) is always full of surprises in terms of what he has done and who he knows on the music scene. A too brief outing in Exeter recently proved yet again that we just are not spending enough time in pubs.
4) Is it true that there are still coffee stirrers in PFP's hood??
There have to be. He had it zipped closed at the Watford game and I managed to unzip and get at least one, if not two, in there and close it again. To my knowledge it didn’t rain and the hood therefore never emerged again for the rest of the season. Sweet, but nothing compared to the text message I received when Emma hurled confetti all over her living room. Simple pleasures.
5) Is it true that you have never seen AC's photo of her and David Norris, you can't sleep because of this and thats why you prowl all night?
It is true that I have never seen it. It is true that I cannot sleep at night and it is true that I prowl most of the night. The connection between all three of these things is, shall we say, tenuous…
6) How disappointed are you that you never had the chance to take PMV onto the Mayflower Terrace before it closed, 3 generations all in one place shouting on the boys?
Absolutely gutted, especially as whilst there would have been three present generations, he would actually be the fourth to have stood there. I didn’t get the chance to stand with my Grandad as he died when I was pretty young, but PMV could have done and a whole cultural symbol of his genetic make-up and heritage was snatched away before he had the chance. As if there would be a crowd surge on the Mayflower – only if they started selling decent pasties in the ground and announced it at half time could this ever happen.
7) Would our native islands actually be constitutionally better off as: a 'Union of Socialist British Republics' with separate Assemblies for England, Scotland, Wales and Cornwall (with Northern Ireland integrated into the Irish Republic), and a non-aligned, democratically-elected President -in place of a hereditary Monarchy?
I expect so.
Maybe not the Cornwall bit.
But definitely the monarchy bit.
8) Who's fitter? Amy Winehouse or Lily Allen?
Didn’t know who either were (still not sure) but thanks to Google Images I’d go for Lily Allen
9) "Pasties are adhesive coverings applied to conceal a woman's or a man's nipples"............did you choose this name because you have man boobs you wish to hide?
Oddly enough, I’ve never heard this expression before. Man boobs or not, it is important that everybody knows that it stands for Plymouth Argyle Supporter Trapped In Exeter, although there were about 300 alternatives proposed somewhere on the corridor thread.
10) What animal would you use to describe your smoothness?
It would be a badger – generally dark, quite clearly grey at the sides, small, skulks around in dark places; in a still photograph potentially quite endearing but in reality bit of a flea bitten bad tempered rodent.
11) Liken your favourite five 606ers to pieces of stereotypical geography teachers clothing?
Roaster: the elbow pads – essential, fits entirely into the environment they inhabit but nowhere else, stained, well worn and increasingly frayed around the edges.
Sterland: the beard – speaks for itself.
DantheRed – the tweed jacket – old, musty, smelling of smoke but forever dependable
Gres – the Wellies – oversized, frequently pictured in water, constantly in use but never apparently worn out and looking as good as anything can when pictured on Dale Winton
PastyDuchy – the half moon glasses – erudite, sophisticated, quite clearly projects intelligence and experience but quite quick to steam up in pubs and lead to beer being dribbled into your own lap.
Good question – like that one. Apologies to anybody I missed out, but you probably don’t mind.
12) if you had to and i mean yer life depended on it, would you go down on a man?
Who writes that? And should I be taking that as a threat?
I refer to my answer to question #2
13) Pastie, as a Cornwall man, are you pissed of that 'cornishe vinegraire' means pickled gherkin in French? Apparantley it was a term the french women used for the cornish men when they settled down there after 1067.
Not too much as it is a popular myth around here that I am Cornish. I grew up down there but it was always made plain to me by the locals that I am an ‘Emmet’ and I haven’t lived there anyway since 1990! Despite this, the comparison with a gherkin could be worse (always nice with meatballs) and anyway, we ourselves seem to have horribly corrupted our use of the Gallic salad ingredient ‘French lettuce’.
14) As the original prowler, do you think that it might be in the boards interest for you actually to prowl rather than sit on your arse and teach shitbags about where Constantinople is?
I’ve never taught anybody that. Or, possibly, anything. Not sure I fully understand the question – is there a suggestion that I could earn a living posting bollocks on this site? If there is a paid vacancy arising I really would like to express my interest in it. Can only be better than the day job.
15) You like to prowl, the prowlers seem to like you. Tell us about the main ones, but as a teacher, tell us in the form of a school report...
Gresley – Grade B.
Big Mike is generally performing well and by most measures his Prowling would be deemed to be more than adequate. However, by his own standards I feel that he is beginning to underachieve a little. At one time he would have been reliably top of the class, ever present and always keen to Prowl to the highest level. Recently, however, I have noticed that his attitude, whilst still good, is not as highly motivated as it once was. A recent break for a term time holiday may have caused a loss in momentum and it is important that he restores this if he is to achieve his full potential.
Roaster – Grade D
Roaster has all the attributes to be a very fine Prowler. At the top of his game, he is working at all hours and his commitment and sheer range of imaginative ideas have frequently illustrated that he has the capability to be an A Grade student. However, his constant truancy, as he disappears for weeks at a time, is undoubtedly affecting progress. In addition, there are inexplicable times when his spelling and grammar become simply appalling.
Sterland – Grade C
Sterland is a natural Prowler. His written work may be succinct at times, but it is always direct and to the point and constantly demonstrates an acute understanding and an excellent level of background knowledge of the Prowling Art. However, I am conscious that Sterland’s commitment to his work in other areas can mean that he can spread himself a little too thinly and his attendance has been a little inconsistent. I also feel that if he could reduce his dependence upon public transport he would be late a little less frequently.
DTR – Grade E
Dan clearly struggles with the demands of the Prowling curriculum. His heart is in the right place and he tries very hard. However, being older than the others and having been held back so many times means that he does tend to struggle. He is a regular attender, but sadly rarely turns up at the correct time. When he is here, he is a very sociable member of the group, but at times his speech and thought is so laboured it is almost as if there are other things affecting the speed at which his brain can function.
GfJ – Grade B
Considering that Si types one handed as the other is thrust down into his magic pocket most of the time it has to be said that he has done remarkably well. After his long absence, he has settled back in very well and regularly produces Prowls of the highest order. It is difficult for any student when they risk inevitable comparisons with siblings, but Si copes with this very well. However, if he wishes to avoid these comparisons he must be wary of the mysterious occasions when he too seems to lack the power to type or write anything meaningful or coherent.
COYS – Grade C
It is difficult to write an accurate report on COYS as he has so recently joined the class. However, I have been impressed with the quality of his Prowling and his participation in extra-curricular activity, particularly on RBNO, has shown great potential. Long may it continue.
Janner – Grade B
Life is always difficult for any child protegies. The advancement in levels often means that the cultural transitions into older ages are too fast and the quality of work is undermined. Ben, however, is clearly gifted and talented on all levels of Prowling. He is ever present, relentless in his pursuit of pointlessness and the last time I saw him in a pub he bought me a drink. It later emerged that he had not at that point turned 18 and I could probably have been sacked for accepting it…
Ade – Grade D
Ade is a legend among Prowlers. He has an almost spectral quality in the corridors as we always know he is there but are never quite sure who he is. He constantly loses his badge and has to replace it with new ones and this can be confusing for his peers. However, the minute he appears with an “evaning” we know we are on safe ground.
Anyway, I know there are more but I’m buggered if I’m writing reports to a whole class of 30 without getting paid for it…
16) Are you happy living in EXETER and being a Plymouth Fan??
Very. Exeter is a nice town, lots of friends here, my local boozer is run by an Argyle fan. The beach is ten miles away, the moors twenty miles away and there are nice walks and more beer down by the river. It is an easy 48 miles to home games and for light relief there is even a local non league football side here (who I think now play on Sundays) whose fans get disproportionately upset if you tease them. All sounds ideal to me.
17) Has teaching sent you mad as you are often on here by yourself?
On Friday I complete ten years as a full time teacher. There are lesser prison sentences for heinous crimes. Sometimes I just come here and talk to myself as it is the only means I have of enjoying a sensible conversation.
18) You are a Geography teacher where is Stafford? RBNO!!!
3.5km inside the Arctic circle.
19) How many young lady students have you fantasized over?
Now there is an indelicate question.
The official answer: All of those “young lady students” are somebody’s child, with hopes, dreams and aspirations. They are also somebody’s daughter and their parents are trusting us with their greatest concern. They are also impressionable and naïve and sometimes they will latch on and seek attention to test the water. Anybody who could exploit that frailty for their own titillation is abusing a huge amount of trust and in doing so actually undermines the faith placed in everybody else who assumes the responsibility. It is true that they will always be the generation most concerned over their appearance and will always be eye-catching, but any decent adult would quickly recognise that these are the masks that hide the trappings of childhood. Childhood these days is all too short and sometimes it is clear that society demands more and more of young people whilst they themselves very often want to cling to their freedom, open-mindedness and energy. Anybody who misuses their own status to snatch any of that away from them is an abuser, a liar and a thief and should be ashamed of themselves.
Unofficial answer: 397
20) Where do you park your bike these day's???
I lock it to a steel framework, embed it in concrete and lower it into a river. Who posted that question, and how did you know that I left the shed unlocked?
21) How many more bloody excuses have you got to avoid get togethers in the future?
As few as possible as I really want to make it. However, in the meantime see answer #2
22) Stay creased action slacks or Cords....discuss
Anybody who has actually met me would know that fashion advice from me is laughable. Anybody who has observed the genes at work in my father would know that fashion advice from me would be preposterous, not just laughable. I won’t waste your time with any advice on any form of trousers.
I should make it clear that despite my (alleged) role of Geography teacher, I do not own any cords. I don’t know if I own the other things or not as I don’t know what they are…
23) Is drunken stalking/texting not a criminal offence in Plymouth
To my knowledge, anything goes in Plymouth and pretty much everything has been decriminalised (apart from standing up at football).
In Exeter, however, there is a big push for Virgin Media and I now get 300 free texts per month. 298 of which are sent to Gres on an average Thursday/Friday night….
24) How many excuses have you left in your locker to avoid any further RBNO/606 piss ups
Is anybody else detecting a theme here? I refer you, of course, to answer #2
25) During particularly crap plymouth games, do you find yourself wondering about the rock formations of the devon countryside?
Never having studied any geology, I wouldn’t know where to start! Anyway, there is no such thing as a crap Plymouth game as what with the pub, Ivor Dewdneys pasty van, putting rubbish in people’s pockets, teasing AC (even from the other side of the ground) and the other pub afterwards the football is way down the list!
26) If you could liken yourself to a cartoon character, who would it be and why?
I struggled with this one so did some research. Try:
www.naucon.net/misc/tests/cartoon_char.htm
I came out as this:
You are Tweety.
You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that
no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and
seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are
witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of back stabbers,
and you are worry-free.
I’m generally quite unimpressed with the comparison.
27) Why do you frighten all members who post on the board after 10pm?
Because I can.
28) As someone who might someday make it as a prowler, what do you think are the qualitys needed to be one?
It is less about qualities and more about afflictions. Insomnia, vices and substance abuse, neglect of one’s family, an endless tolerance of bollocks, an endless capacity to generate bollocks and periodic posting heavily under the influence of various beers and malts seem to pretty much do the trick for everybody.
29) Your students enter a competition in your name - and win. You've a choice of 2 first prizes. Which would you choose and why? (a) An executive box for a season at Exeter City OR (b) A twin centre holiday comprising 2 weeks studying fungus growths in downtown Basra follwoed by 2 weeks backpacking in the Helmund Province, Afghanistan!
Twin centre holidays offer a greater variety of experiences, a wider range of activity and are often superb value for money.
30) You've been given sole executive powers to select 5 celebrities and 5 606 posters to shoot into space as part of an experimental programme. Who would you choose and why?
Great – like some of the other questions have been short.
Ok – 606 posters into space:
Me – would love to go
Gres – would need the ballast as I wouldn’t want to go too far
Jenny – Lollipop – always good value to chat with in the late hours and she could take the photos
PastyDuchy – can provide the musical entertainment
BladeWithGreatHair (still sadly missed) – we can tow him behind on a line.
All of this was interpreted, of course, as being a desirable thing to be shot into space. Diplomatically, I can take the reverse interpretation with regard to celebrities:
Davina McCall – cannot stand her shouting, her smugness and she can take the whole of Big Brother with her. Never watch it but I resent that it even gets radio news coverage
Gwyneth Paltrow – possibly an unusual choice but I find the giraffe like elongation of the neck and the languid manner too irritating to watch
Jeremy Paxman – turns perfectly good news programmes into cameos for himself. Smug, self satisfied and irritating.
Jeremy Clarkson – just a complete tw@t and represents all that is wrong in the Brit Male
Joan Rivers – just no. Should not be on TV. Yuk. Or radio. Or still pictures. Or quoted.
On Word, this is the end of Page 6.
I suspect that I am supposed to collate the next answers but I am away from Saturday for two and a half weeks – that’s the REASON THAT I CANNOT GO TO RBNO. Bastards knew I was away when they picked that date then slag me off for it afterwards…
Only post responses below if you’ve read the lot!
PASTIE Hotseat over and done for another year
