Post by peter2dc on Sept 18, 2006 1:58:52 GMT -1
good thing I'm 5 hours behind you lot...gives me loads of time before you lot get up...and ridicule me...anyway...here goes for part deux (thats french for you ignorant fuckers out there)
What is the most embarassing thing that you have done in the name of love!
I 'm not sure if you can call this next story 'love'...but it was embarrassing...it was a one night stand which involved the 'act of love making' so it counts!
After much flirting and canoodling, I managed to drag this girl to my place. She explained to me that she was indeed horny, and that I may de-flower at will...on the condition that I use a condom! Now, most real men have that sort of thing covered...me...fuck all!...I ran-sacked my house, knowing the nearest condom machine was miles away...and I was too shit-faced/lazy to get one...try as I might, she would not let me at her moo moo, no matter how sweet I talked...I nearly gave up...but...I am a man of innitiative. I said...hang on, I think i know where I can find one. I walked to my kitchen...found a bag of toast...emptied the bread...took the plastic bag...pulled it tight around my humungous...ok...average sized dong...a bit of cellotape to secure...BINGO...I walked back to the bedroom, stretched my hand in to turn the light off, and rustled my way to bed!...she asked "well...did you find one?"..."I'm wearing it" I exclaimed...she reached out...touching the tip (sorry for the graphics) and "OK...but what the fuck is that noise?" Its a new type of condom...with that she put the bedside light on...saw the bag...and nearly pissed herself laughing....needless to say...I did not get a shag that night!
You are on a plane with all the prowlers but the plane is going down - you only have 5 parachutes to give out. Who do you save??
This is a difficult question...Gres would need 4 by himself...so I'm afraid he would have to jump for it...(although he could probably just step down off the plane and survive) Hulsey and JJ could probably share one, but JJ would be too busy flirting with the stewedess "but we only have 30 seconds to live!!" and hulsey would start complaining that the parachute would block the sun and his suntan...so they would die...Pastie I would like to give one...but he'll find some excuse not to use it!. Ster would be too busy rolling a 10p down the isle shouting "see I fucking told ya"...DTR...hmmm...He can share one with GFJ (good luck with that...)but, they'll be to busy arguing. I'd have to give roaster one...cos I need a place to party in October, but he would be too shit-faced to put the chute on.. Mrs H would get one cos she has boobs...but because of her large mammories would die on impact...so I would use one...throw the rest at the door...and see who lands at the bottom with me!
Hi Peter. You live in Washington, so what i want to know is, what is your favourite tv show and why?
Only fools and horses...why...because its the only show I have literally pissed myself laughing at...anyone remember the scene where delboy is at the wine bar...and falls through the serving hatch?
? CLASSIC...ok...im easerly pleased...
How long have you supported a shit team like Leeds for?
Dan...we maybe shit....but at least I COME FROM LEEDS...oh...and since 1971
Which Championship match are you most looking forward to this season?
right now...I'm dreading all of them...but in my dreamstate like mine, I'd say the last game when we lift the championship trophy!
How long would you be at work for if I sent an Envelope full of Talcum Powder or a Shoe box with some Plasticine and some wires?
You so much as think of that....I will track you down...I will track your family down...your friends...your friends friends...you will never feel safe, and just when you think you have gotten away with it...I'll be there..you will constantly be looking over your shoulder, Your life will no longer be worth living. The hunt will last till you finally draw your last breath
....and errmmm...about 6 hours...
What do you think of American sports compared to English ones?
...the americans have sports???...I just thought they just played gay rugby with pads...or that imitation cricket thingy...or did you mean that girly netball game with rather tall black dudes??? NOTHING beats football, or as the yanks would say SAAAARRRRRRKEEEERRRRRR.....
You live in America and work in the British Embassy, do you have a gun? if so what type is it? and can you shoot very good with it?
I'm sorry, but if I told you that...I would have to shoot you between your eyes at 500 paces with my 9mm browning ....
Who is the highest ranking politician you have seen in your Embassy, The President - The Prime Minister - or Jessie the tea lady?.
I have met Tony...GW...the queen(although not a politician...nor is jessie 'the slut' tea lady)...to name but a few...My favourite was Arnold Schwarzenegger...purely because I called him a fat wanker and he didnt understand!
You are on a spooky desert island after a plane crash (surprisingly like the cast of lost) which 606ers would you want with you and why?
I think pastie had a similar question...I however will answer without the drivel!
Jen, Jen, Mrs H, sooz, Shinny, spursbabe and carrowgirl would have to be there so I can reproduce offspring. I would need Morton and DTR so I have someone to abuse footie wise. JJ and Hulsey would have to be there...to make sure we all dressed nice. Sterland ...goes without saying...who the fuck else can build mud huts and a cracking straw mat...(insert 10p joke here). Pastie to teach my 100 kids. Gresley would be there...just to wave down any passing jets.GFJ and Roaster because brotherly love gets you everywhere...and lastly all the leeds fans to protect me from DTR
What are your most embarrassing moments in - The UK, The USA & Germany?
In the UK: back in 1977, I was at a boarding school in Kent, and on a 'leave day' visited a friends house who had a bidet...not knowing what is was, or rather thinking it was just a 'posh bog'...I crapped in it...a knock on the door, plus frantic searching for the chain...resulted in embarrassing moment.
In the USA: I think being arrested being dressed as osama bin laden had its moments...
In Germany: Probably the toaster condom issue..although I was also stopped and arrested in the former 'east germany', whilst trying to get to Berlin...drunk!
How did you manage to get away with the dented car door several weeks ago?
I blamed the cleaners...
Can you bring me a Washington Redskins Top over? as i quite like them for a Gridiron Team.
Like Leeds they are fucking shit at the moment...but hey...you want one...tell me your size ( Mrs H/Gres they don't come in XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL)
The EC Regulation on Insolvency Proceeding is an important part of European Law which governs the fate of many multi national companies that face Cash problems or face Liquidation,
Article 1.2 of said law states that the regulation "Does not apply to insolvency proceedings concerning insurance undertakings, credit institutions, investment undertakings which provide services involving the holding of funds or securities for third parties, or to collective investment undertakings" Do you think that this would be creditable subject in a conversation which a depressed suicidal Tibetan Monk if not why?
Pastie, your concern is a valid one. Depressed suicidal Tibetan Monks, are not the easiest to converse with in the first place...what with all that OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMing,followed by 23 years of silence, not to mention the fact that they live 30,000 feet above sea level, and thus any jump from that hight would severly effect ones cranium in a free fall. I would approach the matter in a comical fashion, such as: hey monk...c'om 'ere...did you hear the one about Article 1.2 and insolvency...no?...Neither did my dead banker!!! At this point laugh histerically, as this will confuse him momentairly...Then point out that this bears no relation to him as he is 8,976 miles from the EU, and thus not under it's constitutional law. This will please him mightly, he will no doubt be enlightened by your understanding of the situation and bestow some great wisdom on you such as: "supporting the Whites may bring gloom into your life, but hey...you could be a manchester united fan!"
As a newcomer to the Prowlers, do you feel a little embarrassed that whilst we are 'prowling' in the late hours, you are 'prowling' in the early afternoon?!!
Well as my great IQ equal Albert Einstein once said "time means fuck all". I prowl because I am! I didnt invent time you know, apparently its relative...although I dont have time for my relatives...well except for mum and dad...and my brother and sister..and my cousin Sally and Alison...ok...and my aunt Marge and Eileen...but I digress, The USA happens to be 5 hours behind...Im on now at 12.56am eastern standard...and am the only member online...you lot are sleeping...and to be quite honest, prowling on ones own is a thing only Mrmillwall can do...so to answer your question: No.
As a member of the security team that protects both the UK and the US from terrorist atrocities, which female poster on here would you prefer search you before boarding a flight?
With or without my surgical gloves??? All except those under 18...hey...Im easy and cheap!
You are travelling halfway across the world to have a night out with a bunch of fellas that have never met each other, all have fairly tasty backgrounds, all big boys.. Do you care about the footie results on the 28th?
Well I know there are some big fella's out there in stafford...I am a mere 5'10. (my whole family including sis is over 6'...so I think i am adopted...plus im much better looking than them...) And NOTHING is more important than a Leeds win on a saturday...but considering their form at the moment, I will quite happily drink with the RBNO crew...EVEN DTR...the red barsteward...
How accurate is "The West Wing"
I prefer the east wing myself, thats where the embassy has cable TV. Most important is the embassy bar, also located in the East wing. (Strange question...)
Which 3 606 posters would you take into the bunker with you in the event of a nuclear attack, and why?
Again, very similar to the Lost island thingy...I would have all the female posters just outside the door with 2 minutes remaining...let them bitch it out, and take the 2 winners inside with me (where I will once again reproduce the world with little peter2dc's. I would use the same tactic for the blokes...so it would probably be DTR (oh for fucks sake: a mank in a bunk) or Gres...possibly Roaster (but think of THAT gene pool)so that we could all live happily ever after in a post nuclear holocaust world!
You have three choices - redirect a nuclear warhead bound for Washington to Old Trafford, to Leicester or to Stamford Bridge. Which is it to be?
You lot like this nuclear shit!!!...you would think this would be easy right...I mean I'm a Leeds fan...but how many mega tons does this nuke have, because the fallout of Cesium 25 is pretty nasty, and Old Trafford is a little bit close to Leeds, saying that, the nuclear mutation of David Healy might give him powers to actually score goals...sooooo...OLD TRAFFORD it is...although chelsea and leicester would be a close 2nd and 3rd....
Did you put explosives in Fidel Castro's cigar?
Now why would I bring such a good man down?
If you were nominated as 606 representative to a United Nations reworking of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which new clauses would you like to see added?
1.) Forbid USA citizens from reproducing, as ignorance is fuckin painfull
2.) I would allow all tortured Leeds fans the free use of weed on a saturday afternoon...around 5.00pm (GMT)
3.)Ban german humour as torture does not get the required results
4.)Ban all people over 6' to stand in front of anyone at a game (sorry gres and co...)
5.)Any person who believes religion should be forced to read every post on RBNO (1 and 2 versions) so they can see life is too short to be worry about some god that doesnt exist in the first place!
6.)and finally I would like to add that under no circumstances should any government put taxes on ciggies or alchahol...
If you were PASTIE with a young family, a high pressure job, limited funding and with a huge guilt complex about the extent to which he already neglects his better half, would you be spending your spare time and cash in Stafford with a high risk of getting arrested and losing the lot?!?
YES
...(fuck me pastie...you even managed to get an excuse on here by asking me a question...I am impressed!)
If you could pick up the phone to Tony Blair again in conditions of complete anonymity, how would you persuade him to become one of the late night Prowlers and what would his nickname be?
Well that is easy. I would tell him that all of the issues on this planet have been or will be solved in the prowlers corridor, we even have this really comfy sofa in there as well now. He would enjoy the massive amounts of knowledge coming forth from all the prowlers, too many to mention...well except me of course! His name would be BigToe...or blairwitchproject or even PMthePM...Bushwacker could be a possibility...but to be honest, I dont think I'd want a brown nosing twat as a prowler...but dont tell my boss...which is him...*FUCK*
and with that....I leave you all to savour...took me friggin ages to write...have fun with this lot RBNO'ers...
;D
*exits left*
What is the most embarassing thing that you have done in the name of love!
I 'm not sure if you can call this next story 'love'...but it was embarrassing...it was a one night stand which involved the 'act of love making' so it counts!
After much flirting and canoodling, I managed to drag this girl to my place. She explained to me that she was indeed horny, and that I may de-flower at will...on the condition that I use a condom! Now, most real men have that sort of thing covered...me...fuck all!...I ran-sacked my house, knowing the nearest condom machine was miles away...and I was too shit-faced/lazy to get one...try as I might, she would not let me at her moo moo, no matter how sweet I talked...I nearly gave up...but...I am a man of innitiative. I said...hang on, I think i know where I can find one. I walked to my kitchen...found a bag of toast...emptied the bread...took the plastic bag...pulled it tight around my humungous...ok...average sized dong...a bit of cellotape to secure...BINGO...I walked back to the bedroom, stretched my hand in to turn the light off, and rustled my way to bed!...she asked "well...did you find one?"..."I'm wearing it" I exclaimed...she reached out...touching the tip (sorry for the graphics) and "OK...but what the fuck is that noise?" Its a new type of condom...with that she put the bedside light on...saw the bag...and nearly pissed herself laughing....needless to say...I did not get a shag that night!
You are on a plane with all the prowlers but the plane is going down - you only have 5 parachutes to give out. Who do you save??
This is a difficult question...Gres would need 4 by himself...so I'm afraid he would have to jump for it...(although he could probably just step down off the plane and survive) Hulsey and JJ could probably share one, but JJ would be too busy flirting with the stewedess "but we only have 30 seconds to live!!" and hulsey would start complaining that the parachute would block the sun and his suntan...so they would die...Pastie I would like to give one...but he'll find some excuse not to use it!. Ster would be too busy rolling a 10p down the isle shouting "see I fucking told ya"...DTR...hmmm...He can share one with GFJ (good luck with that...)but, they'll be to busy arguing. I'd have to give roaster one...cos I need a place to party in October, but he would be too shit-faced to put the chute on.. Mrs H would get one cos she has boobs...but because of her large mammories would die on impact...so I would use one...throw the rest at the door...and see who lands at the bottom with me!
Hi Peter. You live in Washington, so what i want to know is, what is your favourite tv show and why?
Only fools and horses...why...because its the only show I have literally pissed myself laughing at...anyone remember the scene where delboy is at the wine bar...and falls through the serving hatch?
? CLASSIC...ok...im easerly pleased...How long have you supported a shit team like Leeds for?
Dan...we maybe shit....but at least I COME FROM LEEDS...oh...and since 1971
Which Championship match are you most looking forward to this season?
right now...I'm dreading all of them...but in my dreamstate like mine, I'd say the last game when we lift the championship trophy!
How long would you be at work for if I sent an Envelope full of Talcum Powder or a Shoe box with some Plasticine and some wires?
You so much as think of that....I will track you down...I will track your family down...your friends...your friends friends...you will never feel safe, and just when you think you have gotten away with it...I'll be there..you will constantly be looking over your shoulder, Your life will no longer be worth living. The hunt will last till you finally draw your last breath
....and errmmm...about 6 hours...
What do you think of American sports compared to English ones?
...the americans have sports???...I just thought they just played gay rugby with pads...or that imitation cricket thingy...or did you mean that girly netball game with rather tall black dudes??? NOTHING beats football, or as the yanks would say SAAAARRRRRRKEEEERRRRRR.....
You live in America and work in the British Embassy, do you have a gun? if so what type is it? and can you shoot very good with it?
I'm sorry, but if I told you that...I would have to shoot you between your eyes at 500 paces with my 9mm browning ....
Who is the highest ranking politician you have seen in your Embassy, The President - The Prime Minister - or Jessie the tea lady?.
I have met Tony...GW...the queen(although not a politician...nor is jessie 'the slut' tea lady)...to name but a few...My favourite was Arnold Schwarzenegger...purely because I called him a fat wanker and he didnt understand!
You are on a spooky desert island after a plane crash (surprisingly like the cast of lost) which 606ers would you want with you and why?
I think pastie had a similar question...I however will answer without the drivel!
Jen, Jen, Mrs H, sooz, Shinny, spursbabe and carrowgirl would have to be there so I can reproduce offspring. I would need Morton and DTR so I have someone to abuse footie wise. JJ and Hulsey would have to be there...to make sure we all dressed nice. Sterland ...goes without saying...who the fuck else can build mud huts and a cracking straw mat...(insert 10p joke here). Pastie to teach my 100 kids. Gresley would be there...just to wave down any passing jets.GFJ and Roaster because brotherly love gets you everywhere...and lastly all the leeds fans to protect me from DTR
What are your most embarrassing moments in - The UK, The USA & Germany?
In the UK: back in 1977, I was at a boarding school in Kent, and on a 'leave day' visited a friends house who had a bidet...not knowing what is was, or rather thinking it was just a 'posh bog'...I crapped in it...a knock on the door, plus frantic searching for the chain...resulted in embarrassing moment.
In the USA: I think being arrested being dressed as osama bin laden had its moments...
In Germany: Probably the toaster condom issue..although I was also stopped and arrested in the former 'east germany', whilst trying to get to Berlin...drunk!
How did you manage to get away with the dented car door several weeks ago?
I blamed the cleaners...
Can you bring me a Washington Redskins Top over? as i quite like them for a Gridiron Team.
Like Leeds they are fucking shit at the moment...but hey...you want one...tell me your size ( Mrs H/Gres they don't come in XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL)
The EC Regulation on Insolvency Proceeding is an important part of European Law which governs the fate of many multi national companies that face Cash problems or face Liquidation,
Article 1.2 of said law states that the regulation "Does not apply to insolvency proceedings concerning insurance undertakings, credit institutions, investment undertakings which provide services involving the holding of funds or securities for third parties, or to collective investment undertakings" Do you think that this would be creditable subject in a conversation which a depressed suicidal Tibetan Monk if not why?
Pastie, your concern is a valid one. Depressed suicidal Tibetan Monks, are not the easiest to converse with in the first place...what with all that OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMing,followed by 23 years of silence, not to mention the fact that they live 30,000 feet above sea level, and thus any jump from that hight would severly effect ones cranium in a free fall. I would approach the matter in a comical fashion, such as: hey monk...c'om 'ere...did you hear the one about Article 1.2 and insolvency...no?...Neither did my dead banker!!! At this point laugh histerically, as this will confuse him momentairly...Then point out that this bears no relation to him as he is 8,976 miles from the EU, and thus not under it's constitutional law. This will please him mightly, he will no doubt be enlightened by your understanding of the situation and bestow some great wisdom on you such as: "supporting the Whites may bring gloom into your life, but hey...you could be a manchester united fan!"
As a newcomer to the Prowlers, do you feel a little embarrassed that whilst we are 'prowling' in the late hours, you are 'prowling' in the early afternoon?!!
Well as my great IQ equal Albert Einstein once said "time means fuck all". I prowl because I am! I didnt invent time you know, apparently its relative...although I dont have time for my relatives...well except for mum and dad...and my brother and sister..and my cousin Sally and Alison...ok...and my aunt Marge and Eileen...but I digress, The USA happens to be 5 hours behind...Im on now at 12.56am eastern standard...and am the only member online...you lot are sleeping...and to be quite honest, prowling on ones own is a thing only Mrmillwall can do...so to answer your question: No.
As a member of the security team that protects both the UK and the US from terrorist atrocities, which female poster on here would you prefer search you before boarding a flight?
With or without my surgical gloves?
?? All except those under 18...hey...Im easy and cheap!You are travelling halfway across the world to have a night out with a bunch of fellas that have never met each other, all have fairly tasty backgrounds, all big boys.. Do you care about the footie results on the 28th?
Well I know there are some big fella's out there in stafford...I am a mere 5'10. (my whole family including sis is over 6'...so I think i am adopted...plus im much better looking than them...) And NOTHING is more important than a Leeds win on a saturday...but considering their form at the moment, I will quite happily drink with the RBNO crew...EVEN DTR...the red barsteward...
How accurate is "The West Wing"
I prefer the east wing myself, thats where the embassy has cable TV. Most important is the embassy bar, also located in the East wing. (Strange question...)
Which 3 606 posters would you take into the bunker with you in the event of a nuclear attack, and why?
Again, very similar to the Lost island thingy...I would have all the female posters just outside the door with 2 minutes remaining...let them bitch it out, and take the 2 winners inside with me (where I will once again reproduce the world with little peter2dc's. I would use the same tactic for the blokes...so it would probably be DTR (oh for fucks sake: a mank in a bunk) or Gres...possibly Roaster (but think of THAT gene pool)so that we could all live happily ever after in a post nuclear holocaust world!
You have three choices - redirect a nuclear warhead bound for Washington to Old Trafford, to Leicester or to Stamford Bridge. Which is it to be?
You lot like this nuclear shit!!!...you would think this would be easy right...I mean I'm a Leeds fan...but how many mega tons does this nuke have, because the fallout of Cesium 25 is pretty nasty, and Old Trafford is a little bit close to Leeds, saying that, the nuclear mutation of David Healy might give him powers to actually score goals...sooooo...OLD TRAFFORD it is...although chelsea and leicester would be a close 2nd and 3rd....
Did you put explosives in Fidel Castro's cigar?
Now why would I bring such a good man down?
If you were nominated as 606 representative to a United Nations reworking of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which new clauses would you like to see added?
1.) Forbid USA citizens from reproducing, as ignorance is fuckin painfull
2.) I would allow all tortured Leeds fans the free use of weed on a saturday afternoon...around 5.00pm (GMT)
3.)Ban german humour as torture does not get the required results
4.)Ban all people over 6' to stand in front of anyone at a game (sorry gres and co...)
5.)Any person who believes religion should be forced to read every post on RBNO (1 and 2 versions) so they can see life is too short to be worry about some god that doesnt exist in the first place!
6.)and finally I would like to add that under no circumstances should any government put taxes on ciggies or alchahol...
If you were PASTIE with a young family, a high pressure job, limited funding and with a huge guilt complex about the extent to which he already neglects his better half, would you be spending your spare time and cash in Stafford with a high risk of getting arrested and losing the lot?!?
YES
...(fuck me pastie...you even managed to get an excuse on here by asking me a question...I am impressed!)
If you could pick up the phone to Tony Blair again in conditions of complete anonymity, how would you persuade him to become one of the late night Prowlers and what would his nickname be?
Well that is easy. I would tell him that all of the issues on this planet have been or will be solved in the prowlers corridor, we even have this really comfy sofa in there as well now. He would enjoy the massive amounts of knowledge coming forth from all the prowlers, too many to mention...well except me of course! His name would be BigToe...or blairwitchproject or even PMthePM...Bushwacker could be a possibility...but to be honest, I dont think I'd want a brown nosing twat as a prowler...but dont tell my boss...which is him...*FUCK*
and with that....I leave you all to savour...took me friggin ages to write...have fun with this lot RBNO'ers...
;D
*exits left*
...
Forever without exception. x
One by one the penguins steal my sanity.
