Post by PASTIE on Sept 10, 2006 23:09:37 GMT -1
This is far as I could get in one sitting. Might get to the remainder tomorrow. Can't believe I've sat here til now getting this far. My lessons will be something tomorrow...
Right folks, no time for an interesting or creative prelude to this, best just attack the questions. If only I could attack the questioners...
Have you ever been tempted by a cute student?
You see what I mean? Just the very question produces the image of some lonely old perv, sat in front of their screen at home, vigorously rubbing their thighs with glee just at the very idea of being left alone with little girls in uniform…
I’m going to give this the straight answer deserved. I’ll take it seriously, be honest and yet still add fuel to the RBNO fire. That’ll be what you want?!?
Have I ever spotted students that could be described as “cute”? Yes. Of course. I teach A level students too, and there would be something wrong with the South Devon gene pool were that to be anything other than the case. Have I ever been tempted? Honest answer – no! THEY’RE CHILDREN FFS! Could I have done? Have I been the object of teenage crushes – yes. In fact one of the stalkers I mentioned as part of my RBNO secrets was a former student who took it all to another level and I had to get the police involved. That was scary as she was suggesting that I had arranged to meet her and all sorts whilst sending me suicide messages late at night (she had my monile number somehow). They’re naïve, vulnerable, inexperienced, innocent and they trust you. You are either the sort of person who would exploit that or you’re not. I’m not one for gumming my lips and rubbing my thighs! So, no, never even close to tempted and shame on me if I ever am.
PMV looks really pissed off on all the pictures we have seen - is that cos his dad ignores him and spends too much time talking to random strangers on the internet?
LOL. In fairness, I take great care to only be on here when he is asleep. The person who might have more claim to resentment is Mrs PASTIE, although apart from the off moments when 606 lures me in when I should be doing something else I am generally pretty good at only being on here when she is asleep too. There are lapses in this of course! If he is looking stroppy then it must be her turning him against me! Besides which you’re not all “random strangers” – don’t sell yourselves short!
Has Exeter services been reopened after you blocked up the sewage system?
God that was horrendous. It wasn’t even that the curry the night before was that hot, in fact it had been a real disappointment. There must just have been an explosive mix of grease, beer, wine and more grease stirred up and gently mixed by a long walk home. Save us all if Al Quaeda get hold of the recipe. The thing is I was feeling positively spritely the next morning until it all started to go wrong in the traffic queue approaching the M5. In answer to the question, I haven’t been back there since to find out; nor dare I. It could all be on CCTV. None of you lot will ever pass Junction 30 on the M5 again without some appalling images being generated in your twisted minds.
You are stranded on a desert island with all the 606 members - which would you choose to eat first and why?
Lets approach this question in the hope that a rescue is on the way and that we might be restricted to just one. There are various possibilities. I could choose Sterland as he might be easiest to catch (least likely to drive away) or Roaster as he should be pretty well preserved and I do like my meat smoked. I could choose GB as he should be leanest, what with all the exercise he claims to get. GfJ would probably be a little bit oily, but if corrected roasted would produce fine crackling. DantheRed would be off limits as I wouldn’t fancy myself not to get eaten first. Of the others, I would harbour concerns about the bioaccumulation properties of the various substances that I would be consuming – what would happen to anybody if they ate kman? Only one answer, to conclude. It would have to be Gresley as he would last the longest, I wouldn’t go hungry and the rest of you would stand a better chance of surviving. Also we could construct shelters from his skeletal remains and possibly a boat out of his pelvis and any scraps of soft tissue that might be left. Clearly one of the easier questions.
Is it true that you have declined an appearance at the RNBO piss up because its the opening night of your lead role in Widow Twanky at Exeter playhouse?
Yes. You found me out.
Look, I was an ugly sister just once, and the only song I sang was “Big Spender”. Everybody has done that once, surely?
Explain the hyper space conduit theory using the word cucumber four times
Can you believe that physicists are on the verge of completely abandoning the Big Bang theory? It seems recent observations disprove the red shift theory of galactic expansion. The Universe didn't have to be all crunched up into one singular cucumber like entity which exploded outwards and is still expanding.
Now it looks more like our Universe is a cucumber shaped bubble being blown into the Void through a hyperspace conduit. We are like the glass bulb on the end of a glassblowers pipe. The time/space continuim is like the outer shell of a hyperspace bubble, and the galaxies inside are like little bits of frothy spittle being forced through the pipe and into the hyperspace framework of the bubble.
So - we could be at just the tip of the iceberg. There might be a boundless, infinite Universe or a whole cucumber like string or series of Universes all being squeezed through a whole host of these hyperspace conduits like jelly being pressed through a seive.
Something about the hyperspacic squeezing - like when you take a barely inflated balloon or a half grown cucumber and squeeze it into a tight bubble - distorts whatever the Void or the Ether is just enough to generate the phenomenon we know as the time space continuim - the matter then gets sprayed inside, albeit we're talking about possibly a 10 dimensional influx of matter and energy here so it's not QUITE that easily explained and reduced to an analogy.
And time isn't a constant either. We've discovered it's moving faster in some places and slower in others. We are just experiencing a very tiny piece of 'overall time', so it SEEMS constant to us - but in fact, time is racing forwards and then slowing nearly to a standstill and then breaking free and racing forward all around us at many various points in our Universe. Time is relative. I mean REALLY relative.
Thus, our children may grow up in a world where the Big Bang Theory seems quaint, simplistic, and certainly obsolete - but isn't that just mind boggling? We were raised with that theory as kids and as adults we've just assumed THAT's the way things are - they must be - of course.... but now that concept may be entirely wrong... I wonder what else will be proven entirely wrong in our lifetimes? What givens that we take for granted today - will be overturned - and seem absolutely silly tomorrow?
Doddle.
Do you prefer donkeys or monkeys?
Monkeys. Donkeys do nothing for me and are so much harder to grill.
If any of your students at school don't support Plymouth do you give them double detention after the dog ate their homework?
If I could get away with it, then yes. This is the week when I give students all their new books and tell them they can cover them if they want. My standard warning is that if any are covered with Man U, Chelsea or Exeter City décor I jump up and down on them then burn them. Might do the same to the books too.
What would you prefer an elephant stand on your bollocks or have a rhino horn take you up the rear? You have to choose one!
Obviously I have to choose one. We all have to take these things seriously and prepare for all eventualities. Think I’d have to go for the Rhino for the greater chances of recovery and the lesser likelihood that a rhino would tell anyone. Thing with elephants is that they might keep that sort of information to themselves now, but the bastards store it until they can use it against you.
Cornflake hamsters or turtle-polar-duck?
Neither. Donkey twizzlers for me every time so long as somebody else has already done the filleting.
LNF do you still keep in contact with any?
Sadly, only those on here. I do occasionally hear from Marcus (Joe Lewis) who is still the only 606er I ever met face to face and whose mobile number I have. I cancelled my MSN as the software is so invasive and I have to be really careful on a works computer what arrives. This is why Officer Groyman can never have my email address. Mine was (surprisingly) the late late night footy crew, many of whom I am happy to say are on here but we have lost Chris (He’s French, he’s great he’s David Frio’s mate Larrieu Larrieu Larrieu) and PastyDuchy (although he registered here), FatboynotSlim (Carl) and of course the greatly missed BWGH. Bring him back!
What is a prowler?
One of life’s empty vessels, a spirit without a soul. They drift, shadow like spectres in a virtual world up and back the same corridors; sometimes they appear intoxicated and unco-ordinated, sometimes they just endlessly say “hello” like the Python fish in “The Meaning of Life”. Generally though, they are a community of friends who enjoy idle banter in all innocence until one of them drops their guard and all the others swoop down on them and nail them naked and exposed, rich pickings for all the other vultures, on RBNO. I’m proud to be one of their number…
How many ways are there to skin a cat?
I’ve tried 11, although there is a 12th practicable on donkeys but I’ve not yet transferred it to cats.
How many can be completed in less than an hour?
All of them if you have the right equipment and a steady supply of power.
How many are suitable for community radio broadcast?
Only the ones that involve gagging the cat first, therefore numbers 3,7,8 and the donkey variant.
How many can be used as part of a korean recipe?
4 are popular in North Korea, 3 in South. The donkey variant is supposedly a fusion of ideas from Mongolia and Laos.
Being as you are so close to Exeter - which non-League club do you tend to follow, results wise?
So close? I am in Exeter, spitting difference to the ground (I’ve tried). I always look up the Exeter results as it frequently makes me laugh, and Weymouth now they’re in the conference as I was born there.
Had you not become a geography teacher - what career would you have followed?
Always fancied sports journalism, but don’t think I would have enjoyed the years reporting on U15 darts matches and table tennis tournaments in Mid Devon. Quietly I always wanted to write a book, partly for the satisfaction of having done it but mainly because of the pipe dream of earning so much money from one little effort that I’d never have to work full time again. Anyway, just because somehow I became a Geography teacher there is always the hope that this is not where I have ended up – I’m still only 34! I’m sure there is mileage in “PASTIE’s future career plans” on RBNO. I’d have a go at that myself…
Is "junior-Pastie" as bad as he appears - based on his infrequent late postings?
PMV is awesome. He is lucid, eloquent and presents a genuine face of Revolutionary Spirit that the youth of today should be proud of. He is a fiercely political animal, and 606 can only take him in small doses. Rest assured, he reads everything…
If the "Corridors" or "RNBO" threads did not exist - would your wife or your local pub landlord see more of you?
Not married (more ammo) but she may see a few minutes more of me. As previously discussed, this is my therapy for insomnia. If my local landlord saw more of me I’d be in a debtors jail. In theory I am even giving him a life to the Cardiff City game on Tuesday night…
Why volleyball? You angling for a place on the management team for the next UK ladies beach volleyball Olympic Team?
I have played that long I can’t remember how it started – at school, 20 years ago! Sadly, I never grew to the massive heights of the Stafford Krays, Sterland or Gresley and even though I did play to National League 2 standard it was only ever as a “Libero” – the mug who wears a different shirt whilst the opposition pound the ball at you. I have coached ladies volleyball too, I’ll have you know – take that thought and go back to rubbing your thighs!
Will - if offered - you meet Argylechick at a PA game??
I believe that there are big plans for a group meeting in the New Year with a whole set of 606ers, which is not to be missed. Whether AC and I overlap is entirely down to her! She knows where I stand, has the pics online to refer to. I think she spotted me last time and decided that I was a sociopath… Can’t think what on the Corridors thread or RBNO might have put over that impression.
Is there any alcoholic drink you won't touch as when prowling you've been full of strong ales, Jamesons (thats a good one) and Red Wine?
Actually, you’ve named my full repertoire pretty much. Can’t drink sweet alcohol, anything with red bull, white wine gives me monumental headaches. Quite partial to Grappa on the odd occasion and some time in Latin America and the Caribbean gave me a taste for rum, but the moment has to be right! Hard to recreate Creole perspectives in Exeter…
If Robbie Williams offered to sink a substantial amount of cash into Plymouth Argyle -on the proviso he slept with 5 male fans.... and only 4 came forward.... would you volunteer?
No. I am the least homophobic person on this site, but no. Sorry Pilgrims, its still no.
Do you have fantasies about any of your students?
<<smells more denim heating up and the distinct odour of palm flesh being vigorously warmed by friction. A visage of Albert Steptoe passes into view>>
Think I can refer you to the first question on that one!
Have you ever wanted to give one of your students a right good kicking?
Now you’re talking. Yes, absolutely – not often but on numerous occasions. I am completely opposed to corporal punishment and am glad it is banned. I don’t believe that a short sharp shock does any good to them at all but stone me it would make me feel better sometimes. This is why it is as well it is banned!
How long did it take to find a shitty excuse for missing the RNBO bash?
They’re all true and I am gutted about it. I am due to move house any week – just waiting for the date to be set and then I shall be skint as you like for a while afterwards. That plus the fact that were I to head to Stafford for a beer I would probably have to move for good… Even crazier, I feel really guilty that I won’t be there!
Plymouth Argyle is a well supported team on this MB do you all go to the pub together for drinks before and after games??
No, but the time is well overdue! I’m always in the Britannia before matches and am more than happy to meet away fans too. PM me if you’re coming down.
Watch this space for more! Think I'm more than half way!
I'll try addressing that insomnia now
Right folks, no time for an interesting or creative prelude to this, best just attack the questions. If only I could attack the questioners...
Have you ever been tempted by a cute student?
You see what I mean? Just the very question produces the image of some lonely old perv, sat in front of their screen at home, vigorously rubbing their thighs with glee just at the very idea of being left alone with little girls in uniform…
I’m going to give this the straight answer deserved. I’ll take it seriously, be honest and yet still add fuel to the RBNO fire. That’ll be what you want?!?
Have I ever spotted students that could be described as “cute”? Yes. Of course. I teach A level students too, and there would be something wrong with the South Devon gene pool were that to be anything other than the case. Have I ever been tempted? Honest answer – no! THEY’RE CHILDREN FFS! Could I have done? Have I been the object of teenage crushes – yes. In fact one of the stalkers I mentioned as part of my RBNO secrets was a former student who took it all to another level and I had to get the police involved. That was scary as she was suggesting that I had arranged to meet her and all sorts whilst sending me suicide messages late at night (she had my monile number somehow). They’re naïve, vulnerable, inexperienced, innocent and they trust you. You are either the sort of person who would exploit that or you’re not. I’m not one for gumming my lips and rubbing my thighs! So, no, never even close to tempted and shame on me if I ever am.
PMV looks really pissed off on all the pictures we have seen - is that cos his dad ignores him and spends too much time talking to random strangers on the internet?
LOL. In fairness, I take great care to only be on here when he is asleep. The person who might have more claim to resentment is Mrs PASTIE, although apart from the off moments when 606 lures me in when I should be doing something else I am generally pretty good at only being on here when she is asleep too. There are lapses in this of course! If he is looking stroppy then it must be her turning him against me! Besides which you’re not all “random strangers” – don’t sell yourselves short!
Has Exeter services been reopened after you blocked up the sewage system?
God that was horrendous. It wasn’t even that the curry the night before was that hot, in fact it had been a real disappointment. There must just have been an explosive mix of grease, beer, wine and more grease stirred up and gently mixed by a long walk home. Save us all if Al Quaeda get hold of the recipe. The thing is I was feeling positively spritely the next morning until it all started to go wrong in the traffic queue approaching the M5. In answer to the question, I haven’t been back there since to find out; nor dare I. It could all be on CCTV. None of you lot will ever pass Junction 30 on the M5 again without some appalling images being generated in your twisted minds.
You are stranded on a desert island with all the 606 members - which would you choose to eat first and why?
Lets approach this question in the hope that a rescue is on the way and that we might be restricted to just one. There are various possibilities. I could choose Sterland as he might be easiest to catch (least likely to drive away) or Roaster as he should be pretty well preserved and I do like my meat smoked. I could choose GB as he should be leanest, what with all the exercise he claims to get. GfJ would probably be a little bit oily, but if corrected roasted would produce fine crackling. DantheRed would be off limits as I wouldn’t fancy myself not to get eaten first. Of the others, I would harbour concerns about the bioaccumulation properties of the various substances that I would be consuming – what would happen to anybody if they ate kman? Only one answer, to conclude. It would have to be Gresley as he would last the longest, I wouldn’t go hungry and the rest of you would stand a better chance of surviving. Also we could construct shelters from his skeletal remains and possibly a boat out of his pelvis and any scraps of soft tissue that might be left. Clearly one of the easier questions.
Is it true that you have declined an appearance at the RNBO piss up because its the opening night of your lead role in Widow Twanky at Exeter playhouse?
Yes. You found me out.
Look, I was an ugly sister just once, and the only song I sang was “Big Spender”. Everybody has done that once, surely?
Explain the hyper space conduit theory using the word cucumber four times
Can you believe that physicists are on the verge of completely abandoning the Big Bang theory? It seems recent observations disprove the red shift theory of galactic expansion. The Universe didn't have to be all crunched up into one singular cucumber like entity which exploded outwards and is still expanding.
Now it looks more like our Universe is a cucumber shaped bubble being blown into the Void through a hyperspace conduit. We are like the glass bulb on the end of a glassblowers pipe. The time/space continuim is like the outer shell of a hyperspace bubble, and the galaxies inside are like little bits of frothy spittle being forced through the pipe and into the hyperspace framework of the bubble.
So - we could be at just the tip of the iceberg. There might be a boundless, infinite Universe or a whole cucumber like string or series of Universes all being squeezed through a whole host of these hyperspace conduits like jelly being pressed through a seive.
Something about the hyperspacic squeezing - like when you take a barely inflated balloon or a half grown cucumber and squeeze it into a tight bubble - distorts whatever the Void or the Ether is just enough to generate the phenomenon we know as the time space continuim - the matter then gets sprayed inside, albeit we're talking about possibly a 10 dimensional influx of matter and energy here so it's not QUITE that easily explained and reduced to an analogy.
And time isn't a constant either. We've discovered it's moving faster in some places and slower in others. We are just experiencing a very tiny piece of 'overall time', so it SEEMS constant to us - but in fact, time is racing forwards and then slowing nearly to a standstill and then breaking free and racing forward all around us at many various points in our Universe. Time is relative. I mean REALLY relative.
Thus, our children may grow up in a world where the Big Bang Theory seems quaint, simplistic, and certainly obsolete - but isn't that just mind boggling? We were raised with that theory as kids and as adults we've just assumed THAT's the way things are - they must be - of course.... but now that concept may be entirely wrong... I wonder what else will be proven entirely wrong in our lifetimes? What givens that we take for granted today - will be overturned - and seem absolutely silly tomorrow?
Doddle.
Do you prefer donkeys or monkeys?
Monkeys. Donkeys do nothing for me and are so much harder to grill.
If any of your students at school don't support Plymouth do you give them double detention after the dog ate their homework?
If I could get away with it, then yes. This is the week when I give students all their new books and tell them they can cover them if they want. My standard warning is that if any are covered with Man U, Chelsea or Exeter City décor I jump up and down on them then burn them. Might do the same to the books too.
What would you prefer an elephant stand on your bollocks or have a rhino horn take you up the rear? You have to choose one!
Obviously I have to choose one. We all have to take these things seriously and prepare for all eventualities. Think I’d have to go for the Rhino for the greater chances of recovery and the lesser likelihood that a rhino would tell anyone. Thing with elephants is that they might keep that sort of information to themselves now, but the bastards store it until they can use it against you.
Cornflake hamsters or turtle-polar-duck?
Neither. Donkey twizzlers for me every time so long as somebody else has already done the filleting.
LNF do you still keep in contact with any?
Sadly, only those on here. I do occasionally hear from Marcus (Joe Lewis) who is still the only 606er I ever met face to face and whose mobile number I have. I cancelled my MSN as the software is so invasive and I have to be really careful on a works computer what arrives. This is why Officer Groyman can never have my email address. Mine was (surprisingly) the late late night footy crew, many of whom I am happy to say are on here but we have lost Chris (He’s French, he’s great he’s David Frio’s mate Larrieu Larrieu Larrieu) and PastyDuchy (although he registered here), FatboynotSlim (Carl) and of course the greatly missed BWGH. Bring him back!
What is a prowler?
One of life’s empty vessels, a spirit without a soul. They drift, shadow like spectres in a virtual world up and back the same corridors; sometimes they appear intoxicated and unco-ordinated, sometimes they just endlessly say “hello” like the Python fish in “The Meaning of Life”. Generally though, they are a community of friends who enjoy idle banter in all innocence until one of them drops their guard and all the others swoop down on them and nail them naked and exposed, rich pickings for all the other vultures, on RBNO. I’m proud to be one of their number…
How many ways are there to skin a cat?
I’ve tried 11, although there is a 12th practicable on donkeys but I’ve not yet transferred it to cats.
How many can be completed in less than an hour?
All of them if you have the right equipment and a steady supply of power.
How many are suitable for community radio broadcast?
Only the ones that involve gagging the cat first, therefore numbers 3,7,8 and the donkey variant.
How many can be used as part of a korean recipe?
4 are popular in North Korea, 3 in South. The donkey variant is supposedly a fusion of ideas from Mongolia and Laos.
Being as you are so close to Exeter - which non-League club do you tend to follow, results wise?
So close? I am in Exeter, spitting difference to the ground (I’ve tried). I always look up the Exeter results as it frequently makes me laugh, and Weymouth now they’re in the conference as I was born there.
Had you not become a geography teacher - what career would you have followed?
Always fancied sports journalism, but don’t think I would have enjoyed the years reporting on U15 darts matches and table tennis tournaments in Mid Devon. Quietly I always wanted to write a book, partly for the satisfaction of having done it but mainly because of the pipe dream of earning so much money from one little effort that I’d never have to work full time again. Anyway, just because somehow I became a Geography teacher there is always the hope that this is not where I have ended up – I’m still only 34! I’m sure there is mileage in “PASTIE’s future career plans” on RBNO. I’d have a go at that myself…
Is "junior-Pastie" as bad as he appears - based on his infrequent late postings?
PMV is awesome. He is lucid, eloquent and presents a genuine face of Revolutionary Spirit that the youth of today should be proud of. He is a fiercely political animal, and 606 can only take him in small doses. Rest assured, he reads everything…
If the "Corridors" or "RNBO" threads did not exist - would your wife or your local pub landlord see more of you?
Not married (more ammo) but she may see a few minutes more of me. As previously discussed, this is my therapy for insomnia. If my local landlord saw more of me I’d be in a debtors jail. In theory I am even giving him a life to the Cardiff City game on Tuesday night…
Why volleyball? You angling for a place on the management team for the next UK ladies beach volleyball Olympic Team?
I have played that long I can’t remember how it started – at school, 20 years ago! Sadly, I never grew to the massive heights of the Stafford Krays, Sterland or Gresley and even though I did play to National League 2 standard it was only ever as a “Libero” – the mug who wears a different shirt whilst the opposition pound the ball at you. I have coached ladies volleyball too, I’ll have you know – take that thought and go back to rubbing your thighs!
Will - if offered - you meet Argylechick at a PA game??
I believe that there are big plans for a group meeting in the New Year with a whole set of 606ers, which is not to be missed. Whether AC and I overlap is entirely down to her! She knows where I stand, has the pics online to refer to. I think she spotted me last time and decided that I was a sociopath… Can’t think what on the Corridors thread or RBNO might have put over that impression.
Is there any alcoholic drink you won't touch as when prowling you've been full of strong ales, Jamesons (thats a good one) and Red Wine?
Actually, you’ve named my full repertoire pretty much. Can’t drink sweet alcohol, anything with red bull, white wine gives me monumental headaches. Quite partial to Grappa on the odd occasion and some time in Latin America and the Caribbean gave me a taste for rum, but the moment has to be right! Hard to recreate Creole perspectives in Exeter…
If Robbie Williams offered to sink a substantial amount of cash into Plymouth Argyle -on the proviso he slept with 5 male fans.... and only 4 came forward.... would you volunteer?
No. I am the least homophobic person on this site, but no. Sorry Pilgrims, its still no.
Do you have fantasies about any of your students?
<<smells more denim heating up and the distinct odour of palm flesh being vigorously warmed by friction. A visage of Albert Steptoe passes into view>>
Think I can refer you to the first question on that one!
Have you ever wanted to give one of your students a right good kicking?
Now you’re talking. Yes, absolutely – not often but on numerous occasions. I am completely opposed to corporal punishment and am glad it is banned. I don’t believe that a short sharp shock does any good to them at all but stone me it would make me feel better sometimes. This is why it is as well it is banned!
How long did it take to find a shitty excuse for missing the RNBO bash?
They’re all true and I am gutted about it. I am due to move house any week – just waiting for the date to be set and then I shall be skint as you like for a while afterwards. That plus the fact that were I to head to Stafford for a beer I would probably have to move for good… Even crazier, I feel really guilty that I won’t be there!
Plymouth Argyle is a well supported team on this MB do you all go to the pub together for drinks before and after games??
No, but the time is well overdue! I’m always in the Britannia before matches and am more than happy to meet away fans too. PM me if you’re coming down.
Watch this space for more! Think I'm more than half way!
I'll try addressing that insomnia now
One by one the penguins steal my sanity.
...
