Post by Roaster©®™ on Jul 19, 2006 20:35:37 GMT -1
Wahay! Well here goes lads and lasses - just what you’ve been waiting for. Roaster’s Hot Seat responses.
1. Working for local government, how is your typical 8 hour day split between work, sleep and fucking around on the internet? (Allowing for the two hour lunch).[/I]
Righto… 2 answers here (fucking 8 hours - funny as fook) but I’ll let you decide which is the honest and truthful one:-
I arrive at my desk at sometime after 9.00am clutching a McDonald’s coffee and a bacon and egg sarnie (with brown sauce and English mustard). I grunt a welcome and shuffle to my office closing the door behind me. I spend a quick half hour with my No.2 before turning on my PC and logging straight on the BBC homepage (and my corporate e-mail to check my daily calendar) and subject to any meetings, seminars, training or demos I’ll check out the weather, news and sport before logging onto the 606. Here I’ll stay until, despite extensive evasive manoeuvres, I get interrupted and am forced into doing some work. Usually it’s the fucking phone where’ve I’ve forgotten to put the Voicemail on. After this enforced hiatus from ‘slobbing’ I might actually do some work up until dinner time. Two hours down the local - couple of pints and read the papers or watch some cricket. Back to the office - check my diary and messages before seeing what’s happened in the wide-world and on the MB. Any interruptions I deal with before winding down at about 4.15pm ready for home time at (we are on flexi time).
Especially during this period of hot weather (and irrespective of what alcohol I’ve consumed the night before) I get to my desk between 7.00 - 7.30am. I log straight into the corporate finance system and check all over night processes have completed successfully and check the Interface Errors and Exception Reports are available for my staff. I check my calendar for forthcoming meetings etc. and update my Sectional / Divisional or Individual Action plan. I spend an hour dealing with emails - correspondence - messages and prioritise any development requests. I spend 15 mins with my Deputy and two team leaders once they’re all in. Basically, checking work in progress, problems, today’s activities, absences etc. and cascade down any info the “powers that be” want us mere mortals to be aware of. Usually have 3 or 4 meetings a week - these can be with Corporate Directors, Development Teams, Sales teams, IT support, Debt Recovery Teams, Banks whatever (never 2 days the same). Between meetings it’s either preparing for next scheduled meeting, monitoring weekly / monthly performance figures, preparing development Requests / Process Mapping and changes. I eat a sandwich (made myself of a morning) at the desk and in fairness I will actually log onto the Web - check out BBC and post occasionally on this site - very infrequently though! Afternoons are pretty much the same as the mornings and I basically work until I’ve completed the task(s) I’d set myself in the morning. Typically, I’m out of the office between 4.30 and 5.00pm with any work I take home to complete. Except Fridays - unless I’ve been conned into a meeting I’m OUTTA there by 3.00pm at the latest.
2. where does roaster get his jokes??? does he make them all up himself or does he have a sneaky joke book near to his computer? [/I]
Ha-Ha - remember when Bob Monkhouse lost his Joke Book (all his material he’d used in his career) - well it was me who nicked it. Send it back pronto like cos it was fucking shit! Now whilst I don’t have a Joke Book, whenever on-line I’m usually logged into a Jokes Site AND my own Word Document is open (which holds now over 2000 Jokes and witty one-liners etc.) that I’ve been ’building’ for the past 2-3 years (in case I have a career change). I’ve also got a couple of contacts in the States that send me lots of material - some of which is bloody hilarious - but just publishable on this site
3. What 3 things could you not live without???[/I]
Other than air, water and food do you mean? Is so then (in no particular order) My wife and kids, PS2 and Malt Whisky.
4. What’s the most romantic thing you have ever done???[/I]
Spent the whole night with the lass and stayed for breakfast!
Seriously though, twas on my honeymoon. Paid for Kid’s Club babysitting service (gave me and the missus till 1.00am to be alone). Told her I was taking her to dinner - somewhere special - but to wear slip on shoes and a dress as I would involve getting feet and ankles wet. I’d booked a taxi (all fucking Mercedes in Minorca) and it drove us to what appeared to be a deserted sandy cove (literally a couple of miles from our hotel). Mrs Roaster at this point was not happy - especially when I told her to take off her shoes we were going for a walk. Literally round the corner from the cove was in effect a causeway (the cab could have taken us directly) from the shore to a small island about 50m out. We walk out to the island towards the setting sun the sea lapping our ankles (sloppy bastard you’re all thinking) and we reach the island. Which has a TOP NOTCH (and bloody expensive restaurant). Candlelit table over-looking the sea - soft Spanish serenades in the background. Ordered Champagne (not the bloody Cava the dagos tend to fob us Brits off with) - smoked salmon and tiger prawn starters - missus have salmon fillets cooked in a rose petal and champagne sauce (enough to feed 3) and Roaster here - had a whole roast leg of lamb, cooked with thyme, peppercorns and served with a lush creamed sauce. A couple of bottles of a Reserva Rioja [it’s a Spanish Red Wine](15 years old and about £35 at the time). Dessert and coffee with liqueurs and HUGE brandies. When ready to go - we then took the water taxi back. Shared champagne and chocolates for the 30 minute trip back to the beach where our own hotel was sited.
AND as it was only just after midnight we had time for a shag and still got to last orders before collecting the kids
5.If Si could tell us all one embarrassing thing about you, what do you think he would say?[/I]
If fairness we’ve posted all our embarrassing moments up already on the site. There are certainly secrets we know about each other that just won't be revealed. But being the honest dude that I am here’s a couple (Gresley perks up I noticed). When my bro was living at home with his wife to be - can’t remember the details (GFJ help me out) or what it was about but it kicked off. Think it was bro who started but upshot was I felt left out - worried about losing me bro etc. and I ended up kicking off - in tears - before emptying my wardrobes and draws out me window onto the back lawn. Before loading me car up and telling my dad to shift his rust bucket so that I could piss off.
Other one has to be on my stag night (first time I met Danthered - other than in his official capacity as a doorman). Again a day of beer - met up with the lads between 11.00am and 1.00pm in the local. Beers flowing - ten pin bowling and American Pool - beers flowing (with now shorts as chasers) - Leeds beat West ham 5-1 I recall (Jimmy Floyd Hatrick). Five o’clock off to get changed via the local and some enormous straight vodkas. Changed - back to Dan’s (lived across the road from Si) - smoked a joint (my first in 5 or 6 years - WOOO) . Pub more beers (you’re getting the idea) - then a Balti. Si asks for the “hottest fooker what ye dee” - a chicken phaal with extra green chillies!! I tried sum - fucking ruined me. Anyway - I’m pissed as a fart and manage to slop Balti sauce all down my shirt and strides (and it’s noticeable on a peach coloured shirt and black trousers). Any way - more beers - one of the best Wind Ups Ever (which should have been done on me - but I was with Si and Dan as Dan explained it - the Wally). Nightclub - me pissed - curry stained shirt - getting married - who’d have thought I’d have pulled. Well I did - tried talking to this cracker for 30 mins - had some drinks - went for a dance. I went for piss - came back and had lost her (I was stood at the WRONG pillar). Think one of the lads found me later - trying to tap off with myself in the mirror!!
6. Ro when you were a youngster still living at home with GFJ did you ever get the urge to wank in one of his socks??[/I]
;DNO - don’t half find out some peculiar regional sexual practices when posting on this board. But that certainly doesn’t happen in Staffordshire!
7. What's your single most embarrassing drunken experience?[/I]
ME - DRUNK….never happensJ. Well now and again. Do recall at the last piss up at Si’s when JJ was down that I ended up pissed. My sister-in-law and Missus Danthered then proceeded to decorate me with make-up before my Mum and Dad intervened and walked me home. I’ve also destroyed a wrought iron fence whilst playing “kerb pin-ball” on the A34. Was pissed after we’d won the Quiz League - the Mayor of Stafford refused us a civic reception and an open top bus to show off our trophy - so we got hammered at the presentation. Suffice to say I was bouncing off the kerbs - hit one a bit to hard and my momentum hurled me into this wrought ironwork fence (set in concrete). The whole lot fucking collapsed. I was in stitches - the old chap grabbed me and dragged me away as the lights came on! Fence is still fucked to this dayJ
8. Your torturers give you the option - they can make you blind/deaf/dumb or castrate you - your choice.......…[/I]
OUCH! Couldn’t live without my eyes - so much left to see, books to read, women to ogle. Dumb - again if you know me I’m fairly quick with tongue - aquatic asides, one-liners and have always got something to say. It would cripple me without my voice. Castration - well I opted for this one - but Mrs Roaster said Uh-Uh. I told her straight - “No more kids, end of convo” to which she agreed but she added “But I like to play with them too a couple of times a week” (she can also squeeze them if I step out of line). So it’s deafness! Stick the needles in me ears fellas - at least I wouldn’t hear the kids squabbling nor the wife nagging
9. Ro have you always been a Leeds Fan?[/I]
No - when I first moved to Stafford back in 1975 I was a Wolves fan - back in the times when Sammy Chung managed the likes of Geoff Palmer, Willie Carr, John Richards and Kenny Hibbert. I converted to Leeds in the autumn of 1975 - purely because my best mate at school at the time supported them.
10. Which particular Leeds match are you most looking forward to this season and why?[/I]
Either of the Cup Finals - League or FA I’m not fussed
. <wakes up> Same as every season we’re in the same league as Fester City. Just because I live in hope that we’ll stick 6 past the vermin ridden scabby fookers 
11. Do you actually do any work when you are at work with you being a manager?[/I]
Silly questionJ Check out my reply to Question 1 (and to all those people who thought I followed Route 1 - I’m shocked)
12. Is Danthered a real hunk because he sounds it?[/I]
I hope to fuck this question was asked by a female poster - else I’d be seriously worried DanJ But to answer the question all the Stafford posters are hunks - and if hunkiness is based on “beer bellies” than Dan is the deffo the hunkiest (sorry mate!) ;D
13. Have you always been liable to the occasional moodswing?[/I]
FUCK OFF - WHAT SORT OF QUESTION is that - and NO I don’t (they’re called Roaster Rant’s - and they’re classics). In fairness, since quitting the ciggies (other than the odd one or two once a week) - they’ve become more frequent. Stress at work doesn’t help either - so I’m glad a new Finance Director has been appointed to reduce my work load and the fact over the next 6 weeks I’m on leave for 3 weeks
14.What is your number 1 pet hate??[/I]
Being a miserable moody bastard I’ve got loads from drivers who never indicate, shoppers who stop dead in front of store fronts when I’m walking behind them, stumpies with umbrellas on the streets(consideration required for tall people please), reformed smokers, Manchester United, the colour red, Leicester City, motobility scooters (why the fuck can’t I have one) but my No.1 pet hate is SPINACH!
15. How hurt were you when GFJ set up the site next door?[/I]
Not hurt - disappointed. That said however, Si and Cav did it they’d have been dissed by various people. Especially in their positions as Mods here they could have been part of the solution. However (and I didn’t rant - didn’t go to Manchester either), in the cool light of day I accept Cav’s and Si’s decision. They started a new board (which I might post once a day on - and it‘s not my cup of tea - but each of us is individual and I respect that) when it was best required - they didn’t advertise and spam it on this site (respect fellas) - and to be honest I think it was the kick up the arse this site needed. Behind the scenes things are moving here - though not fair to reveal what until the new Mods are elected and can have their say. But I believe both sites can co-exist and we can help each other - bear in mind probably 99.9% of FW posters are 606 posters, and can both get stronger. So in my opinion I reckon both sites will run smoothly side by side for the foreseeable future and I certainly bear no grudges against Si and Cav. How could I bear a grudge against Si anyway - he’s me little brother - I love the dude!
16. List your 5 favourite posters, giving precise reasons why.[/I]
Bastard question - honestly! No offence to those posters I don’t list (I’ll cover you in the footnote). These ain’t in any order by the way!
Golden Boy (GB): Goes back to the old 606 and LNF days. A comic genius - very clever, bright “young man”. Had some great laughs in the past and hope they continue in the future. Top Man!
Sterland: A malt whisky-loving, Leeds fan whose lived a varying and interesting life - what more is there to say about the fella. He also doesn’t like Leicester City eitherJ.Consider him a great mate - someone I chat too behind the scenes. He can also be funny as fook both in “asides” and captions.
Gresley: A Giant amongst men - real life tooJ. He comes across in his postings as a real genuine bloke - and the sort that always has a smile on his face, whatever life throws at him. Always makes me smile / LOL when reading his captions.
PASTIE: Ah the original prowler! Again very clever and knowledgeable poster. Likes a drink - subtle, funny and sometimes superb captioning. Wish I’d had PASTIE as my geography teacher - reckon I’d have got an A in the o-level (instead of a B) and I might have done it at University!
JJ: Another one from BBC 606, Christ we had some laughs. We’re the same age and both share the same outlook on life. Having met him a couple of times - he’s a genuinely nice fella and I’ve got a lot of time for him
FOOTNOTE
I’ll be honest for the 5 I’ve posted up there’s easily another 5 to replace them with (Hulsey, Dan, Goalposts, Morton. MrMillwall). And for those 5 there are another 5 (Lollipop, Shins, Sooz, Mrs H, BAGD) - then the reserves Billy, Duckfish, Greenday, Cav, Franko, Chopper……
17. Do you put club or country first?[/I]
Club - unless abroad then I alternate my day time attire between England and Leeds (though there’s usually a fair number of Leeds’ fans wherever I’ve been in the World)
18. You are getting grief at a bar, which poster would you most like to be your wing man and why?[/I]
Reckon there’s some “well tasty geezers” on the site (Sterland, Gresley, Mr Millwall, Cav, Chopper) but these two I know - Goalposts and Danthered (and as an ex-doorman has been there and done that). And no disrespect Si - reckon Dan could take both of us! So Danthered would be my wingman
19.How gutted were you that Gresley's Logo didn’t actually win?[/I]
Tame question Gresley
I was that gutted it almost bought a tear to my eye - but in fairness all entries were top notch. Bloody good showing buy all entrants and I shall abuse my mod Powers by awarding 10 karma to all entrants!
20. In 10 words, describe how you think the other 606 members view you.[/i]
Shit - as you see from the previous 19 answers I’m a man of many words. But never mind here goes:-
“A bit of a dick but makes me laugh too!”
21. How deep is your hatred for all things Leicester? Do you like the red Leicester cheese?[/I]
In view of the fact the board will close down due to lack of activity as people are reading this lengthy tome I’ll keep this short! NO - I don’t like Red Leicester cheese (even though it’s more an orange colour) because its both red (one of pet hatreds) and if you didn’t know I detest Leicester City. In fairness I’ve mellowed on here. On BBC 606 with the likes of Lloyd it was an easy target and other posters loved it. But since coming here and meeting BCR and Leicester Lass I hide my feelings away (might explain the moodswings - maybe the therapy required is a Leicester Wind Up rather than a Roaster RantJ) That aside I always remember on BBC 606 JJ posting something about his opinions of all Championship sides - “Leicester should be nuked”. My response was that it’s too quick for many and too slow for a few - just imagine the inbred mutants. Anyway I said whilst Leicester slept I’d hire every brickie from here to Sofia to brick up EVERY house in Leicester whilst the multitudes slept. I’d then pipe via Loudspeaker over and over again commentary from Derby and Forest matches - until driven to the edge Lloyd chews his way through his roof and leads his howling, raging masses (bit like lemmings) to the coast at the wash where they all throw themselves into the North Sea and die of lead poisoning. NAH - I don’t hate them
22. How would it make you feel if Leeds were condemned to life in the Championship?[/I]
I’d survive - all I’d ask is that the club is financially stable, that the players in the squad WANT to play for Leeds United, prices reflect our position, that Leeds play entertaining football and that we remain the BIGGEST club in Yorkshire!
23. What was the scariest moment of your life?[/I]
Had a few - but none where I’ve thought “shit staring death in the face here” other than every minute I spend on an aeroplane. Now flying scares the living shit out of me and only several alcoholic beverages pre flight will get me on and I need a few in-flight to keep me sane. When the smoking ban came in I was a WRECK.
Wedding day! Horrendous! Ranks up there with flying if I’m to be totally honest
24. What was the happiest moment of your life?[/I]
Birth of my daughter!
25. How many times have you been nicked?[/I]
With a knife or spud peeler - too many to give an exact number. But by our Boys in Blue 5 times in total!
1. Trespass and Criminal Damage (school playing field) - aged 15/16 slapped wrists from coppers and a sound whipping from me Dad
2. Affray, Assault and ABH (Leicester City 1986) - aged 18. Charges dropped due to insufficient evidence.
3. Threatening and Abusive Behaviour - Outside Stafford nightclub late teens - kicking off with Cannock lads - Cautioned
4. Drunk & Disorderly - early 20’s again after a night out in Stafford singing Leeds songs (Caution and released without charge once sober)
26. What’s the closest moment you've come to death?[/I]
Never in the true sense of the word (other than flying where I think of death for the flight duration) but other than that: -
Whilst aged 18/19 blew the engine on my mums (first car) whilst she, my Dad and Goalposts were on holiday. Was only a crappy Chevette but it was my mums first car - and I soon learnt that 3rd gear in an 1100cc Chevette doesn’t handle 70mph! (Won the race though)
27. Who was worst behaved as a kid - you or Goalposts?[/I]
Suppose Goalposts was (sorry bro) but to honest neither of us were tearaways both getting bloody good qualifications at school then furthering ourselves professionally in our respective careers. I gave my Mum and Dad more grief till I got married though - so as a teenager and young adult I reckon it was me! But Goalposts as a little’un- check out his secrets!
See page 2 - answers were too fucking long !!!!
1. Working for local government, how is your typical 8 hour day split between work, sleep and fucking around on the internet? (Allowing for the two hour lunch).[/I]
Righto… 2 answers here (fucking 8 hours - funny as fook) but I’ll let you decide which is the honest and truthful one:-
I arrive at my desk at sometime after 9.00am clutching a McDonald’s coffee and a bacon and egg sarnie (with brown sauce and English mustard). I grunt a welcome and shuffle to my office closing the door behind me. I spend a quick half hour with my No.2 before turning on my PC and logging straight on the BBC homepage (and my corporate e-mail to check my daily calendar) and subject to any meetings, seminars, training or demos I’ll check out the weather, news and sport before logging onto the 606. Here I’ll stay until, despite extensive evasive manoeuvres, I get interrupted and am forced into doing some work. Usually it’s the fucking phone where’ve I’ve forgotten to put the Voicemail on. After this enforced hiatus from ‘slobbing’ I might actually do some work up until dinner time. Two hours down the local - couple of pints and read the papers or watch some cricket. Back to the office - check my diary and messages before seeing what’s happened in the wide-world and on the MB. Any interruptions I deal with before winding down at about 4.15pm ready for home time at (we are on flexi time).
Especially during this period of hot weather (and irrespective of what alcohol I’ve consumed the night before) I get to my desk between 7.00 - 7.30am. I log straight into the corporate finance system and check all over night processes have completed successfully and check the Interface Errors and Exception Reports are available for my staff. I check my calendar for forthcoming meetings etc. and update my Sectional / Divisional or Individual Action plan. I spend an hour dealing with emails - correspondence - messages and prioritise any development requests. I spend 15 mins with my Deputy and two team leaders once they’re all in. Basically, checking work in progress, problems, today’s activities, absences etc. and cascade down any info the “powers that be” want us mere mortals to be aware of. Usually have 3 or 4 meetings a week - these can be with Corporate Directors, Development Teams, Sales teams, IT support, Debt Recovery Teams, Banks whatever (never 2 days the same). Between meetings it’s either preparing for next scheduled meeting, monitoring weekly / monthly performance figures, preparing development Requests / Process Mapping and changes. I eat a sandwich (made myself of a morning) at the desk and in fairness I will actually log onto the Web - check out BBC and post occasionally on this site - very infrequently though! Afternoons are pretty much the same as the mornings and I basically work until I’ve completed the task(s) I’d set myself in the morning. Typically, I’m out of the office between 4.30 and 5.00pm with any work I take home to complete. Except Fridays - unless I’ve been conned into a meeting I’m OUTTA there by 3.00pm at the latest.
2. where does roaster get his jokes??? does he make them all up himself or does he have a sneaky joke book near to his computer? [/I]
Ha-Ha - remember when Bob Monkhouse lost his Joke Book (all his material he’d used in his career) - well it was me who nicked it. Send it back pronto like cos it was fucking shit! Now whilst I don’t have a Joke Book, whenever on-line I’m usually logged into a Jokes Site AND my own Word Document is open (which holds now over 2000 Jokes and witty one-liners etc.) that I’ve been ’building’ for the past 2-3 years (in case I have a career change). I’ve also got a couple of contacts in the States that send me lots of material - some of which is bloody hilarious - but just publishable on this site
3. What 3 things could you not live without???[/I]
Other than air, water and food do you mean? Is so then (in no particular order) My wife and kids, PS2 and Malt Whisky.
4. What’s the most romantic thing you have ever done???[/I]
Spent the whole night with the lass and stayed for breakfast!
Seriously though, twas on my honeymoon. Paid for Kid’s Club babysitting service (gave me and the missus till 1.00am to be alone). Told her I was taking her to dinner - somewhere special - but to wear slip on shoes and a dress as I would involve getting feet and ankles wet. I’d booked a taxi (all fucking Mercedes in Minorca) and it drove us to what appeared to be a deserted sandy cove (literally a couple of miles from our hotel). Mrs Roaster at this point was not happy - especially when I told her to take off her shoes we were going for a walk. Literally round the corner from the cove was in effect a causeway (the cab could have taken us directly) from the shore to a small island about 50m out. We walk out to the island towards the setting sun the sea lapping our ankles (sloppy bastard you’re all thinking) and we reach the island. Which has a TOP NOTCH (and bloody expensive restaurant). Candlelit table over-looking the sea - soft Spanish serenades in the background. Ordered Champagne (not the bloody Cava the dagos tend to fob us Brits off with) - smoked salmon and tiger prawn starters - missus have salmon fillets cooked in a rose petal and champagne sauce (enough to feed 3) and Roaster here - had a whole roast leg of lamb, cooked with thyme, peppercorns and served with a lush creamed sauce. A couple of bottles of a Reserva Rioja [it’s a Spanish Red Wine](15 years old and about £35 at the time). Dessert and coffee with liqueurs and HUGE brandies. When ready to go - we then took the water taxi back. Shared champagne and chocolates for the 30 minute trip back to the beach where our own hotel was sited.
AND as it was only just after midnight we had time for a shag and still got to last orders before collecting the kids
5.If Si could tell us all one embarrassing thing about you, what do you think he would say?[/I]
If fairness we’ve posted all our embarrassing moments up already on the site. There are certainly secrets we know about each other that just won't be revealed. But being the honest dude that I am here’s a couple (Gresley perks up I noticed). When my bro was living at home with his wife to be - can’t remember the details (GFJ help me out) or what it was about but it kicked off. Think it was bro who started but upshot was I felt left out - worried about losing me bro etc. and I ended up kicking off - in tears - before emptying my wardrobes and draws out me window onto the back lawn. Before loading me car up and telling my dad to shift his rust bucket so that I could piss off.
Other one has to be on my stag night (first time I met Danthered - other than in his official capacity as a doorman). Again a day of beer - met up with the lads between 11.00am and 1.00pm in the local. Beers flowing - ten pin bowling and American Pool - beers flowing (with now shorts as chasers) - Leeds beat West ham 5-1 I recall (Jimmy Floyd Hatrick). Five o’clock off to get changed via the local and some enormous straight vodkas. Changed - back to Dan’s (lived across the road from Si) - smoked a joint (my first in 5 or 6 years - WOOO) . Pub more beers (you’re getting the idea) - then a Balti. Si asks for the “hottest fooker what ye dee” - a chicken phaal with extra green chillies!! I tried sum - fucking ruined me. Anyway - I’m pissed as a fart and manage to slop Balti sauce all down my shirt and strides (and it’s noticeable on a peach coloured shirt and black trousers). Any way - more beers - one of the best Wind Ups Ever (which should have been done on me - but I was with Si and Dan as Dan explained it - the Wally). Nightclub - me pissed - curry stained shirt - getting married - who’d have thought I’d have pulled. Well I did - tried talking to this cracker for 30 mins - had some drinks - went for a dance. I went for piss - came back and had lost her (I was stood at the WRONG pillar). Think one of the lads found me later - trying to tap off with myself in the mirror!!
6. Ro when you were a youngster still living at home with GFJ did you ever get the urge to wank in one of his socks??[/I]
;DNO - don’t half find out some peculiar regional sexual practices when posting on this board. But that certainly doesn’t happen in Staffordshire!
7. What's your single most embarrassing drunken experience?[/I]
ME - DRUNK….never happensJ. Well now and again. Do recall at the last piss up at Si’s when JJ was down that I ended up pissed. My sister-in-law and Missus Danthered then proceeded to decorate me with make-up before my Mum and Dad intervened and walked me home. I’ve also destroyed a wrought iron fence whilst playing “kerb pin-ball” on the A34. Was pissed after we’d won the Quiz League - the Mayor of Stafford refused us a civic reception and an open top bus to show off our trophy - so we got hammered at the presentation. Suffice to say I was bouncing off the kerbs - hit one a bit to hard and my momentum hurled me into this wrought ironwork fence (set in concrete). The whole lot fucking collapsed. I was in stitches - the old chap grabbed me and dragged me away as the lights came on! Fence is still fucked to this dayJ
8. Your torturers give you the option - they can make you blind/deaf/dumb or castrate you - your choice.......…[/I]
OUCH! Couldn’t live without my eyes - so much left to see, books to read, women to ogle. Dumb - again if you know me I’m fairly quick with tongue - aquatic asides, one-liners and have always got something to say. It would cripple me without my voice. Castration - well I opted for this one - but Mrs Roaster said Uh-Uh. I told her straight - “No more kids, end of convo” to which she agreed but she added “But I like to play with them too a couple of times a week” (she can also squeeze them if I step out of line). So it’s deafness! Stick the needles in me ears fellas - at least I wouldn’t hear the kids squabbling nor the wife nagging
9. Ro have you always been a Leeds Fan?[/I]
No - when I first moved to Stafford back in 1975 I was a Wolves fan - back in the times when Sammy Chung managed the likes of Geoff Palmer, Willie Carr, John Richards and Kenny Hibbert. I converted to Leeds in the autumn of 1975 - purely because my best mate at school at the time supported them.
10. Which particular Leeds match are you most looking forward to this season and why?[/I]
Either of the Cup Finals - League or FA I’m not fussed
. <wakes up> Same as every season we’re in the same league as Fester City. Just because I live in hope that we’ll stick 6 past the vermin ridden scabby fookers 
11. Do you actually do any work when you are at work with you being a manager?[/I]
Silly questionJ Check out my reply to Question 1 (and to all those people who thought I followed Route 1 - I’m shocked)
12. Is Danthered a real hunk because he sounds it?[/I]
I hope to fuck this question was asked by a female poster - else I’d be seriously worried DanJ But to answer the question all the Stafford posters are hunks - and if hunkiness is based on “beer bellies” than Dan is the deffo the hunkiest (sorry mate!) ;D
13. Have you always been liable to the occasional moodswing?[/I]
FUCK OFF - WHAT SORT OF QUESTION is that - and NO I don’t (they’re called Roaster Rant’s - and they’re classics)
. In fairness, since quitting the ciggies (other than the odd one or two once a week) - they’ve become more frequent. Stress at work doesn’t help either - so I’m glad a new Finance Director has been appointed to reduce my work load and the fact over the next 6 weeks I’m on leave for 3 weeks14.What is your number 1 pet hate??[/I]
Being a miserable moody bastard I’ve got loads from drivers who never indicate, shoppers who stop dead in front of store fronts when I’m walking behind them, stumpies with umbrellas on the streets(consideration required for tall people please), reformed smokers, Manchester United, the colour red, Leicester City, motobility scooters (why the fuck can’t I have one) but my No.1 pet hate is SPINACH!
15. How hurt were you when GFJ set up the site next door?[/I]
Not hurt - disappointed. That said however, Si and Cav did it they’d have been dissed by various people. Especially in their positions as Mods here they could have been part of the solution. However (and I didn’t rant - didn’t go to Manchester either), in the cool light of day I accept Cav’s and Si’s decision. They started a new board (which I might post once a day on - and it‘s not my cup of tea - but each of us is individual and I respect that) when it was best required - they didn’t advertise and spam it on this site (respect fellas) - and to be honest I think it was the kick up the arse this site needed. Behind the scenes things are moving here - though not fair to reveal what until the new Mods are elected and can have their say. But I believe both sites can co-exist and we can help each other - bear in mind probably 99.9% of FW posters are 606 posters, and can both get stronger. So in my opinion I reckon both sites will run smoothly side by side for the foreseeable future and I certainly bear no grudges against Si and Cav. How could I bear a grudge against Si anyway - he’s me little brother - I love the dude!
16. List your 5 favourite posters, giving precise reasons why.[/I]
Bastard question - honestly! No offence to those posters I don’t list (I’ll cover you in the footnote). These ain’t in any order by the way!
Golden Boy (GB): Goes back to the old 606 and LNF days. A comic genius - very clever, bright “young man”. Had some great laughs in the past and hope they continue in the future. Top Man!
Sterland: A malt whisky-loving, Leeds fan whose lived a varying and interesting life - what more is there to say about the fella. He also doesn’t like Leicester City eitherJ.Consider him a great mate - someone I chat too behind the scenes. He can also be funny as fook both in “asides” and captions.
Gresley: A Giant amongst men - real life tooJ. He comes across in his postings as a real genuine bloke - and the sort that always has a smile on his face, whatever life throws at him. Always makes me smile / LOL when reading his captions.
PASTIE: Ah the original prowler! Again very clever and knowledgeable poster. Likes a drink - subtle, funny and sometimes superb captioning. Wish I’d had PASTIE as my geography teacher - reckon I’d have got an A in the o-level (instead of a B) and I might have done it at University!
JJ: Another one from BBC 606, Christ we had some laughs. We’re the same age and both share the same outlook on life. Having met him a couple of times - he’s a genuinely nice fella and I’ve got a lot of time for him
FOOTNOTE
I’ll be honest for the 5 I’ve posted up there’s easily another 5 to replace them with (Hulsey, Dan, Goalposts, Morton. MrMillwall). And for those 5 there are another 5 (Lollipop, Shins, Sooz, Mrs H, BAGD) - then the reserves Billy, Duckfish, Greenday, Cav, Franko, Chopper……
17. Do you put club or country first?[/I]
Club - unless abroad then I alternate my day time attire between England and Leeds (though there’s usually a fair number of Leeds’ fans wherever I’ve been in the World)
18. You are getting grief at a bar, which poster would you most like to be your wing man and why?[/I]
Reckon there’s some “well tasty geezers” on the site (Sterland, Gresley, Mr Millwall, Cav, Chopper) but these two I know - Goalposts and Danthered (and as an ex-doorman has been there and done that). And no disrespect Si - reckon Dan could take both of us! So Danthered would be my wingman
19.How gutted were you that Gresley's Logo didn’t actually win?[/I]
Tame question Gresley
I was that gutted it almost bought a tear to my eye - but in fairness all entries were top notch. Bloody good showing buy all entrants and I shall abuse my mod Powers by awarding 10 karma to all entrants!20. In 10 words, describe how you think the other 606 members view you.[/i]
Shit - as you see from the previous 19 answers I’m a man of many words. But never mind here goes:-
“A bit of a dick but makes me laugh too!”
21. How deep is your hatred for all things Leicester? Do you like the red Leicester cheese?[/I]
In view of the fact the board will close down due to lack of activity as people are reading this lengthy tome I’ll keep this short! NO - I don’t like Red Leicester cheese (even though it’s more an orange colour) because its both red (one of pet hatreds) and if you didn’t know I detest Leicester City. In fairness I’ve mellowed on here. On BBC 606 with the likes of Lloyd it was an easy target and other posters loved it. But since coming here and meeting BCR and Leicester Lass I hide my feelings away (might explain the moodswings - maybe the therapy required is a Leicester Wind Up rather than a Roaster RantJ) That aside I always remember on BBC 606 JJ posting something about his opinions of all Championship sides - “Leicester should be nuked”. My response was that it’s too quick for many and too slow for a few - just imagine the inbred mutants. Anyway I said whilst Leicester slept I’d hire every brickie from here to Sofia to brick up EVERY house in Leicester whilst the multitudes slept. I’d then pipe via Loudspeaker over and over again commentary from Derby and Forest matches - until driven to the edge Lloyd chews his way through his roof and leads his howling, raging masses (bit like lemmings) to the coast at the wash where they all throw themselves into the North Sea and die of lead poisoning. NAH - I don’t hate them
22. How would it make you feel if Leeds were condemned to life in the Championship?[/I]
I’d survive - all I’d ask is that the club is financially stable, that the players in the squad WANT to play for Leeds United, prices reflect our position, that Leeds play entertaining football and that we remain the BIGGEST club in Yorkshire!
23. What was the scariest moment of your life?[/I]
Had a few - but none where I’ve thought “shit staring death in the face here” other than every minute I spend on an aeroplane. Now flying scares the living shit out of me and only several alcoholic beverages pre flight will get me on and I need a few in-flight to keep me sane. When the smoking ban came in I was a WRECK.
Wedding day! Horrendous! Ranks up there with flying if I’m to be totally honest
24. What was the happiest moment of your life?[/I]
Birth of my daughter!
25. How many times have you been nicked?[/I]
With a knife or spud peeler - too many to give an exact number. But by our Boys in Blue 5 times in total!
1. Trespass and Criminal Damage (school playing field) - aged 15/16 slapped wrists from coppers and a sound whipping from me Dad
2. Affray, Assault and ABH (Leicester City 1986) - aged 18. Charges dropped due to insufficient evidence.
3. Threatening and Abusive Behaviour - Outside Stafford nightclub late teens - kicking off with Cannock lads - Cautioned
4. Drunk & Disorderly - early 20’s again after a night out in Stafford singing Leeds songs (Caution and released without charge once sober)
26. What’s the closest moment you've come to death?[/I]
Never in the true sense of the word (other than flying where I think of death for the flight duration) but other than that: -
Whilst aged 18/19 blew the engine on my mums (first car) whilst she, my Dad and Goalposts were on holiday. Was only a crappy Chevette but it was my mums first car - and I soon learnt that 3rd gear in an 1100cc Chevette doesn’t handle 70mph! (Won the race though)
27. Who was worst behaved as a kid - you or Goalposts?[/I]
Suppose Goalposts was (sorry bro) but to honest neither of us were tearaways both getting bloody good qualifications at school then furthering ourselves professionally in our respective careers. I gave my Mum and Dad more grief till I got married though - so as a teenager and young adult I reckon it was me! But Goalposts as a little’un- check out his secrets!
See page 2 - answers were too fucking long !!!!
