Post by gw on Jun 4, 2007 19:16:20 GMT -1
Never Make A Promise You Can't Keep
Just keep your mouth shut, advised The Cooper Temple Clause in Promises, Promises. Presumably Steve McClaren isn't a fan of their work. "I have my style and that will be apparent," he vowed before taking the England reins from Sven-Goran Eriksson. "It's going to be totally different, I'm going to do it my way," he swore to assembled hacks on his first day at Soho Square.
That way, we were told, was pace, particularly on the wings. Hence David Beckham's removal from the international picture. But McClaren failed on his first promise in his very first game, when he selected the one-paced Stewart Downing and the hardly lightning-fast Steven Gerrard on the flanks. But the promises just kept coming - the most foolish after February's drab 1-0 loss to Spain.
"We have lost against Spain, but the rainbow comes in Israel," he said, prompting several newspapers to mock up pictures of him as Bungle from the children's TV series. "That is where the players will be judged." And they were. Promises, as the Broadway musical says, take all the joy from life.
PR Men Aren't Always Good For PR
When McClaren appointed Max Clifford as his spin doctor in July, he made a firm statement. Unfortunately, it wasn't the one he wanted to make. All Clifford's appointment did was say to the press and the public that McClaren was worried about what people would say about him.
Football journalists and fans alike are like sharks for smelling blood. Having revealed a weakness, McClaren was always doomed to be doubted. More worryingly, though, was the concern that the former Boro boss would pick his team in order to make himself popular- underlined when Clifford said in an interview: "Obviously it's going to be important to make it very clear that, although he was his right-hand man, it was Sven who made the decisions, picked the team and dictated the tactics." Days later, David Beckham was axed.
But the real embarrassment came when it turned out that, as well as being terrified of unpopularity, McClaren was scared to stand up to the FA. "It's proving to be a waste of my time and his money," said Clifford, angry about the FA's own press officers getting in the way, when he parted company with the England boss in November. "It got to the stage where he was having to call me in secret."
Don't Get The Right Wing Wrong
While Clifford's revelation that Beckham's departure had been for reasons of spin rather than football made Steve McClaren look stupid, it protects him somewhat in hindsight. Because for all the tabloid writers keen to have a go at Beckham for his lifestyle, and for all the knee-jerk observers who thought Aaron Lennon was ready to take over as England's right winger, anyone who is supposed to be professionally involved in the game who couldn't see Beckham's value to the team deserves to lose their job.
No, he's never grabbed an international tournament by the scruff of its neck. No, he's not the best player in the world. And no, he can't beat a man, and his game is entirely based on crossing and set-pieces. But they're quite useful talents, you know - almost every one of the (admittedly few) goals England scored in Germany last summer were a direct result of Beckham's right boot.
'But everything goes through Beckham; Gerrard and Lampard are left out,' said many. They were probably right. But a good manager could have changed the way his side played to rectify that situation without simply discarding one of the country's best players. Discarding him that is, then being made to look even more foolish by having to go crawling back.
Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth
Or, more accurately, too many head chefs. Choosing an assistant with a higher profile, more experience and - crucially - a far more respected reputation was never going to be anything other than a disaster.
Allowing him to continue writing a column in a tabloid newspaper in which he reveals behind-the-scenes information - think Terry Venmables' revelation that: "I was almost relieved at the decision to leave Stewart Downing out, for no other reason than I could see the criticism was starting to affect him. Usually, the opposition has to take your winger out of the game. We did it ourselves. We didn't have him in Croatia because the relentless negativity had got to him."
It prompted a furious retort from Downing, who protested that McClaren had told him he'd been left out for tactical reasons. Which is, of course, what you should say to a player who suffers from a lack of confidence in that situation. Unfortunately, your assistant revealing the truth in public is nothing short of a disaster. "I'm not answering any more questions on Stewart Downing. Why are you trying to separate players and myself and even the staff?" ranted McClaren in a press conference soon afterwards - just to confirm he'd missed entirely where the problem was.
There's A Time And A Place
I'll hold my hands up here - I don't think experimenting with a 3-5-2 is necessarily a bad idea. My two biggest criticisms of England have always been that the squad can be separated into a 'first team' and a 'rest of', and that they are frighteningly unadaptable. I don't think 3-5-2 should be England's preferred formation, but I do think it - and a number of other formations - deserves to be looked at, if only to encourage the tactical flexibility repeatedly found to be lacking when the crunch comes.
But even the comedians who rehash the old line "I'm a trisexual - I'll try anything once" know there's a time and a place for keeping it simple, whether that be the missionary position or 4-4-2. A match against your toughest group opponents, away from home, is not the time to test new ideas. It's not the time to hand a player their debut in central midfield, as Scott Parker will testify.
Nor does a 3-5-2 work with full backs playing as wing backs. That's a 5-3-2, and it's not a formation to play when you need a win. Whatever El Tel tells you.
If You Want A Job Done Right, Do It Yourself
In many ways, you can't blame Steve McClaren for the current state of the England team. No, he's not a good enough manager for the job, but you can't blame him for taking it. I'd take it if they offered it to me. You probably would too. But the FA would have to be mad to give it to us, because we wouldn't know what we were doing.
You would hope that a professional manager with years of experience would. But seemingly not, as almost every one of McClaren's decisions is a result of some outside influence. When he eventually gave the likes of Gareth Barry, Joey Barton, Nicky Shorey and Scott Parker a look, it was because of months of pressure from the press and public and - with the exception of Shorey, who will be dumped after the Estonia game - all were left out again as soon as possible.
But if that was a mistake, it was a small one compared to McClaren's autumn tour round the country. In a series of meetings with 'key players', the England manager attempted to come up with some answers. In doing so, he completely missed the point. Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard will never tell you they can't work together in midfield, because then one of them might be dropped. John Terry won't tell you either, because you might drop one of his mates. None of them will tell you what you need to hear. Turkeys don't vote for Christmas.
Don't Choose To Blunt Half Of Your Attack
When McClaren selected a left-hand side of Phil Neville and Frank Lampard against Spain, a nation was gobsmacked. A child could tell you it wouldn't work. After watching it, even a particularly stupid child could tell you not to try anything like it ever again. When McClaren selected a left-hand side of Jamie Carragher and Aaron Lennon against Spain, it became clear to all of us that we should find a way to give that stupid child McClaren's phone number. Or, possibly, his job.
In both games, England did far more than cut their attacking options in half. By making it clear that they had no intention of attacking down the left wing, because there wasn't one man in the team who could cross a ball from out there, they allowed both Spain and Israel's right backs to add themselves to the midfield; providing an attacking option for the former, and allowing the latter to stifle the game.
Not that McClaren has ever done anything other than play the most cautious line-up possible with his full backs. We saw it in that 5-3-2 against Croatia. We saw it last Friday against Brazil, where the selection of Jamie Carragher threatened to undermine the inclusion of Beckham - a man who has always worked better with an overlapping full back. There was a brief discussion in F365 Towers, incidentally, as to whether that was a deliberate attempt to make Beckham look bad. But we decided McClaren wasn't smart enough for that.
Mad Mac's Mad March Moments
If any one week saw McClaren offer himself up as a sacrificial lamb to the dark gods of the press, it was the last week of March. First, he subjected the nation to a turgid 0-0 draw with Israel that sealed England's worst five-game run in 26 years. And that was just the beginning.
In unprecedented scenes, he then arranged an informal morning press conference at England's hotel, in which he had a friendly chat with the country's leading hacks to explain that actually, things weren't that bad. It didn't go entirely as planned.
'Mad Mac' screamed the back page of the Daily Mirror, while The Sun proclaimed him to be 'away with the fairies'. 'He's deluded' said the Daily Mail, focussing on McClaren's claim that England had had 17 attempts on goal. UEFA stats showed eight.
Perhaps the most memorable claim McClaren made, though, was that: "Someone who I know watches a lot of international football said that was the best performance he saw this weekend." Presumably, this someone only saw one game.
And just to keep the press onside, after England were booed throughout their 3-0 win against Andorra and fans sang for the return of Beckham and McClaren's sacking, the England manager decided attack was the best form of defence - answering two questions in a press conference lasting less than two minutes before declaring: "Write what you want, gentlemen, because that's all I'm going to say."
Cut Out (One Of) The Middle Men
Whether Frank Lampard was actually injured against Andorra or whether, as is widely accepted, the injury was exaggerated after McClaren finally had the guts to drop him actually makes no difference. The fact is that it was done. Frank Lampard was left out. England won, albeit against poor opposition, and the midfield partnership of Steven Gerrard and a defensive midfielder (in this case Hargreaves) had paid off.
So it was nothing short of utter stupidity when, on Friday, McClaren decided to play Gerrard and Lampard in midfield together. As usual, a troop of former players, teammates and pundits came out to insist they could play together - seemingly without considering that if it was true, they probably wouldn't have had to make the same comments after every England game that the pair have played together in the last five years.
Most insulting to the intelligence of the people watching is the claim that the partnership worked - that "the balance was right". It was, I suppose, in that neither got in each other's way going forwards or left gaps at the back. But that was mainly because neither ventured out of their own half more than two or three times. And even then, the goal came because Gerrard failed to close down his man.
Whichever of them you think should start, the fact is they don't work together. It's something McClaren has all but admitted, not only when he left Lampard out in Andorra, but when he tried to shoe-horn him in on the left against Spain and when Gerrard was shifted to the right last year. But for some reason that's all been forgotten.
It will be interesting to see how this one pans out. Friday's boos would suggest most of the nation has come down on the side of Gerrard, and the vice-captaincy suggests he will not be left out. But McClaren has appointed Lampard's best friend as skipper; you can imagine the hissy fit there if 'Lampsy' was dropped. Unfortunately, with McClaren so weak he's scared to upset anybody, he risks upsetting everybody.
Smile And The World Smiles With You
Let's keep it simple. One of the PR men advising McClaren has clearly told him people like a man who smiles.
Unfortunately they don't seem to have told him that it doesn't work if you're running their national team into the ground.
In which case managing a television appearance without the world's smuggest grin plastered over your face might actually help people to believe you aren't firmly stuck in your own little world.
Adam Fraser
______________
Just keep your mouth shut, advised The Cooper Temple Clause in Promises, Promises. Presumably Steve McClaren isn't a fan of their work. "I have my style and that will be apparent," he vowed before taking the England reins from Sven-Goran Eriksson. "It's going to be totally different, I'm going to do it my way," he swore to assembled hacks on his first day at Soho Square.
That way, we were told, was pace, particularly on the wings. Hence David Beckham's removal from the international picture. But McClaren failed on his first promise in his very first game, when he selected the one-paced Stewart Downing and the hardly lightning-fast Steven Gerrard on the flanks. But the promises just kept coming - the most foolish after February's drab 1-0 loss to Spain.
"We have lost against Spain, but the rainbow comes in Israel," he said, prompting several newspapers to mock up pictures of him as Bungle from the children's TV series. "That is where the players will be judged." And they were. Promises, as the Broadway musical says, take all the joy from life.
PR Men Aren't Always Good For PR
When McClaren appointed Max Clifford as his spin doctor in July, he made a firm statement. Unfortunately, it wasn't the one he wanted to make. All Clifford's appointment did was say to the press and the public that McClaren was worried about what people would say about him.
Football journalists and fans alike are like sharks for smelling blood. Having revealed a weakness, McClaren was always doomed to be doubted. More worryingly, though, was the concern that the former Boro boss would pick his team in order to make himself popular- underlined when Clifford said in an interview: "Obviously it's going to be important to make it very clear that, although he was his right-hand man, it was Sven who made the decisions, picked the team and dictated the tactics." Days later, David Beckham was axed.
But the real embarrassment came when it turned out that, as well as being terrified of unpopularity, McClaren was scared to stand up to the FA. "It's proving to be a waste of my time and his money," said Clifford, angry about the FA's own press officers getting in the way, when he parted company with the England boss in November. "It got to the stage where he was having to call me in secret."
Don't Get The Right Wing Wrong
While Clifford's revelation that Beckham's departure had been for reasons of spin rather than football made Steve McClaren look stupid, it protects him somewhat in hindsight. Because for all the tabloid writers keen to have a go at Beckham for his lifestyle, and for all the knee-jerk observers who thought Aaron Lennon was ready to take over as England's right winger, anyone who is supposed to be professionally involved in the game who couldn't see Beckham's value to the team deserves to lose their job.
No, he's never grabbed an international tournament by the scruff of its neck. No, he's not the best player in the world. And no, he can't beat a man, and his game is entirely based on crossing and set-pieces. But they're quite useful talents, you know - almost every one of the (admittedly few) goals England scored in Germany last summer were a direct result of Beckham's right boot.
'But everything goes through Beckham; Gerrard and Lampard are left out,' said many. They were probably right. But a good manager could have changed the way his side played to rectify that situation without simply discarding one of the country's best players. Discarding him that is, then being made to look even more foolish by having to go crawling back.
Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth
Or, more accurately, too many head chefs. Choosing an assistant with a higher profile, more experience and - crucially - a far more respected reputation was never going to be anything other than a disaster.
Allowing him to continue writing a column in a tabloid newspaper in which he reveals behind-the-scenes information - think Terry Venmables' revelation that: "I was almost relieved at the decision to leave Stewart Downing out, for no other reason than I could see the criticism was starting to affect him. Usually, the opposition has to take your winger out of the game. We did it ourselves. We didn't have him in Croatia because the relentless negativity had got to him."
It prompted a furious retort from Downing, who protested that McClaren had told him he'd been left out for tactical reasons. Which is, of course, what you should say to a player who suffers from a lack of confidence in that situation. Unfortunately, your assistant revealing the truth in public is nothing short of a disaster. "I'm not answering any more questions on Stewart Downing. Why are you trying to separate players and myself and even the staff?" ranted McClaren in a press conference soon afterwards - just to confirm he'd missed entirely where the problem was.
There's A Time And A Place
I'll hold my hands up here - I don't think experimenting with a 3-5-2 is necessarily a bad idea. My two biggest criticisms of England have always been that the squad can be separated into a 'first team' and a 'rest of', and that they are frighteningly unadaptable. I don't think 3-5-2 should be England's preferred formation, but I do think it - and a number of other formations - deserves to be looked at, if only to encourage the tactical flexibility repeatedly found to be lacking when the crunch comes.
But even the comedians who rehash the old line "I'm a trisexual - I'll try anything once" know there's a time and a place for keeping it simple, whether that be the missionary position or 4-4-2. A match against your toughest group opponents, away from home, is not the time to test new ideas. It's not the time to hand a player their debut in central midfield, as Scott Parker will testify.
Nor does a 3-5-2 work with full backs playing as wing backs. That's a 5-3-2, and it's not a formation to play when you need a win. Whatever El Tel tells you.
If You Want A Job Done Right, Do It Yourself
In many ways, you can't blame Steve McClaren for the current state of the England team. No, he's not a good enough manager for the job, but you can't blame him for taking it. I'd take it if they offered it to me. You probably would too. But the FA would have to be mad to give it to us, because we wouldn't know what we were doing.
You would hope that a professional manager with years of experience would. But seemingly not, as almost every one of McClaren's decisions is a result of some outside influence. When he eventually gave the likes of Gareth Barry, Joey Barton, Nicky Shorey and Scott Parker a look, it was because of months of pressure from the press and public and - with the exception of Shorey, who will be dumped after the Estonia game - all were left out again as soon as possible.
But if that was a mistake, it was a small one compared to McClaren's autumn tour round the country. In a series of meetings with 'key players', the England manager attempted to come up with some answers. In doing so, he completely missed the point. Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard will never tell you they can't work together in midfield, because then one of them might be dropped. John Terry won't tell you either, because you might drop one of his mates. None of them will tell you what you need to hear. Turkeys don't vote for Christmas.
Don't Choose To Blunt Half Of Your Attack
When McClaren selected a left-hand side of Phil Neville and Frank Lampard against Spain, a nation was gobsmacked. A child could tell you it wouldn't work. After watching it, even a particularly stupid child could tell you not to try anything like it ever again. When McClaren selected a left-hand side of Jamie Carragher and Aaron Lennon against Spain, it became clear to all of us that we should find a way to give that stupid child McClaren's phone number. Or, possibly, his job.
In both games, England did far more than cut their attacking options in half. By making it clear that they had no intention of attacking down the left wing, because there wasn't one man in the team who could cross a ball from out there, they allowed both Spain and Israel's right backs to add themselves to the midfield; providing an attacking option for the former, and allowing the latter to stifle the game.
Not that McClaren has ever done anything other than play the most cautious line-up possible with his full backs. We saw it in that 5-3-2 against Croatia. We saw it last Friday against Brazil, where the selection of Jamie Carragher threatened to undermine the inclusion of Beckham - a man who has always worked better with an overlapping full back. There was a brief discussion in F365 Towers, incidentally, as to whether that was a deliberate attempt to make Beckham look bad. But we decided McClaren wasn't smart enough for that.
Mad Mac's Mad March Moments
If any one week saw McClaren offer himself up as a sacrificial lamb to the dark gods of the press, it was the last week of March. First, he subjected the nation to a turgid 0-0 draw with Israel that sealed England's worst five-game run in 26 years. And that was just the beginning.
In unprecedented scenes, he then arranged an informal morning press conference at England's hotel, in which he had a friendly chat with the country's leading hacks to explain that actually, things weren't that bad. It didn't go entirely as planned.
'Mad Mac' screamed the back page of the Daily Mirror, while The Sun proclaimed him to be 'away with the fairies'. 'He's deluded' said the Daily Mail, focussing on McClaren's claim that England had had 17 attempts on goal. UEFA stats showed eight.
Perhaps the most memorable claim McClaren made, though, was that: "Someone who I know watches a lot of international football said that was the best performance he saw this weekend." Presumably, this someone only saw one game.
And just to keep the press onside, after England were booed throughout their 3-0 win against Andorra and fans sang for the return of Beckham and McClaren's sacking, the England manager decided attack was the best form of defence - answering two questions in a press conference lasting less than two minutes before declaring: "Write what you want, gentlemen, because that's all I'm going to say."
Cut Out (One Of) The Middle Men
Whether Frank Lampard was actually injured against Andorra or whether, as is widely accepted, the injury was exaggerated after McClaren finally had the guts to drop him actually makes no difference. The fact is that it was done. Frank Lampard was left out. England won, albeit against poor opposition, and the midfield partnership of Steven Gerrard and a defensive midfielder (in this case Hargreaves) had paid off.
So it was nothing short of utter stupidity when, on Friday, McClaren decided to play Gerrard and Lampard in midfield together. As usual, a troop of former players, teammates and pundits came out to insist they could play together - seemingly without considering that if it was true, they probably wouldn't have had to make the same comments after every England game that the pair have played together in the last five years.
Most insulting to the intelligence of the people watching is the claim that the partnership worked - that "the balance was right". It was, I suppose, in that neither got in each other's way going forwards or left gaps at the back. But that was mainly because neither ventured out of their own half more than two or three times. And even then, the goal came because Gerrard failed to close down his man.
Whichever of them you think should start, the fact is they don't work together. It's something McClaren has all but admitted, not only when he left Lampard out in Andorra, but when he tried to shoe-horn him in on the left against Spain and when Gerrard was shifted to the right last year. But for some reason that's all been forgotten.
It will be interesting to see how this one pans out. Friday's boos would suggest most of the nation has come down on the side of Gerrard, and the vice-captaincy suggests he will not be left out. But McClaren has appointed Lampard's best friend as skipper; you can imagine the hissy fit there if 'Lampsy' was dropped. Unfortunately, with McClaren so weak he's scared to upset anybody, he risks upsetting everybody.
Smile And The World Smiles With You
Let's keep it simple. One of the PR men advising McClaren has clearly told him people like a man who smiles.
Unfortunately they don't seem to have told him that it doesn't work if you're running their national team into the ground.
In which case managing a television appearance without the world's smuggest grin plastered over your face might actually help people to believe you aren't firmly stuck in your own little world.
Adam Fraser
______________