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Post by peter2dc on Nov 6, 2006 23:55:55 GMT -1
whats red and bangs on windows?
Baby in a microwave!
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Post by peter2dc on Nov 6, 2006 23:56:25 GMT -1
whats red and sits in the corner?
baby with a razor blade!
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Post by peter2dc on Nov 6, 2006 23:56:59 GMT -1
whats green and sits in the corner?
same baby three weeks later...
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Nov 20, 2006 15:24:08 GMT -1
Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms. After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off.
After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."
Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade. "Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with her."
"I'll take you."
"Me? I'm an old lady. Take one of those young, good looking chicks."
"I want you."
So he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes, laid her on her back and put one finger in her pussy and one finger in her butt. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I told you before. Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."
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Post by Billy on Nov 20, 2006 15:26:25 GMT -1
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Nov 20, 2006 16:57:13 GMT -1
There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.
Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.
"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.
After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.
While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.
Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
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Post by CHOPPER READ on Dec 12, 2006 21:06:25 GMT -1
Anyone fancy a game of Rugby on saturday? Ipswich are short of 5 hookers............
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Post by urrzzzzzzzzzz on Dec 12, 2006 21:15:31 GMT -1
There's a joke about that already . Sorry to be pedantic, but a rugby team only needs 1 hooker.
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Post by urrzzzzzzzzzz on Dec 12, 2006 21:16:29 GMT -1
This is a better sick joke related to that story:
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Post by CHOPPER READ on Dec 12, 2006 21:16:54 GMT -1
Ipswich has 5 teams........
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Post by Remember Jesus on Jan 10, 2007 8:47:08 GMT -1
Don't forget to purchase your National Express coach lottery ticket this week-end. Its a roll-over.
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Post by Pete the Wolf on Jan 11, 2007 23:40:32 GMT -1
A man walks into ASDA, flops his circumcised willy on the counter and says, "Come on then. Let's see you roll THAT back!"
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Post by Lollipop on Feb 25, 2007 23:13:23 GMT -1
Teacher: "Right class, today we'll be doing English. Does anybody know any big words?"
Little Johnny: "Yes Miss, 'masturbation'"
Teacher: "Wow, that's a bit of a mouthful"
Little Johnny: "No Miss, you're thinking of a 'blowjob'"
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 26, 2007 10:59:43 GMT -1
A teacher asks her class: 'If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many would be left?"
The most cocky pupil, little Timmy, replies: "None, the birds would fly away after the first gunshot." The teacher says: "The correct answer is four...but I like your thinking Timmy.
Little Timmy continues: "If it's okay, I've a question for you, Miss. There are three women sitting on a bench eating ice cream. The first is delicately licking the sides of her triple scoop. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. And the third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher blushes and answers: "Well, I suppose it's probably the one who gobbled the top and sucked the cone."
Little Timmy laughs, then replies: "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking, Miss."
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 26, 2007 11:03:47 GMT -1
Mad Mary is speeding round the mental hospital in her wheelchair when Mad Joe stops her and asks for her license. "Er, I forgot it," she replies and speeds off round the corner where Mad Jim stops her and asks her if she's got insurance. "It's in the post," she says before making a quick getaway. She gets some pace up then bumps straight into Mad John, who is standing stark naked with a massive erection. "Oh no," says Mary. "Not the breathalyser."
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Post by Billy on Feb 26, 2007 11:07:26 GMT -1
;D ;D much better than your Ken Dodd effort mate! ;D
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 26, 2007 11:11:06 GMT -1
\o/
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 26, 2007 11:11:50 GMT -1
A beggar runs into a bar and says " bar tender , bar tender give me a tooth pick,"
now the bar tender is a bit confused and asks, "why do u want a tooth pick?"
and the beggar just replys, " give me the damn tooth pick"
so the bar tender gave him the tooth pick, then another beggar comes in and also asks for a tooth pick and the bar tender gives it to him no questons asked,
then another beggar comes in and asks for a straw, the bar tender asks him,
" hey , all the other beggars wanted tooth picks, how come u want a staw?"
the beggar replys,
" well some body spewed outside and all the chunky bits are finished!"
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Post by Billy on Feb 26, 2007 11:33:25 GMT -1
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Post by Golden_Boy™ on Feb 26, 2007 11:36:38 GMT -1
Maybe..... lol? \o/ ;D True though the Ken Dodd joke wasn't great..
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