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Post by GresleyRam©®™ on Mar 31, 2006 22:30:15 GMT -1
Never have sex with a down-Syndrome Midget.................
Its not big, and its not clever!
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Post by Super Danny Webber on Mar 31, 2006 22:31:05 GMT -1
lol gresley
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 4, 2006 7:14:17 GMT -1
Never have sex with a down-Syndrome Midget................. Its not big, and its not clever! Hehe
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 13, 2006 17:04:14 GMT -1
A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
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Post by MRMILLWALL on Apr 14, 2006 23:18:31 GMT -1
Two homos, named Steve and Mick, were living together. It was stinking hot one day and Steve arrived home to find Mick with his ass in the freezer. 'Mick! What the hell are you doing?' Mick replied, 'It was so hot outside, I thought you'd like something cool to slip into...'
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 15, 2006 12:27:10 GMT -1
A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!"
He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits."
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 15, 2006 21:32:01 GMT -1
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face.
She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 23, 2006 19:07:31 GMT -1
Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack.
As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband's rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don't do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.
The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed's behind.
The mortician can't believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it.
During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.
Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man's ear, "It HURTS, doesn't it?"
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Post by koomartherammie on Apr 23, 2006 19:10:27 GMT -1
Chubby at his best. Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband's rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don't do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral. The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed's behind. The mortician can't believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed. Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man's ear, "It HURTS, doesn't it?"
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 23, 2006 19:19:10 GMT -1
It's one Les Dawson told me about 16-17 years ago over dinner. Didn't know Chubby Brown had replicated it though!
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Post by koomartherammie on Apr 23, 2006 19:27:24 GMT -1
Gary Glitter say if he gets executed he wants cremating and his ashes putting in an Etch-A-Sketch so the kids can still play with him.
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 23, 2006 19:27:34 GMT -1
"Mrs Roaster - 12 Months Ago!"
Women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
And when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol, set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump up his arse.
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Post by Ninja Squirrel on Apr 23, 2006 19:32:23 GMT -1
Scientist have dicovered that the average cock weighs 8 onces but cant decide what the average C*nt weighs. pop on the scales and leave your answer below
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Post by Ninja Squirrel on Apr 23, 2006 19:34:00 GMT -1
Alzheimers or parkinsons Which one would you rather have?
Parkinsons of course!Better to spill half your pint than to forget where the fuck you put it!!
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 23, 2006 19:42:01 GMT -1
Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease and could drink only human milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor.
"Well, Ruby Finkelstein's just had a baby, maybe she'll help."
So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby was a dark-eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts.
One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr. Rugelbaum, do you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there....," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel.
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little biscuit?"
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Post by koomartherammie on Apr 23, 2006 19:43:15 GMT -1
Betty and Cyril live in an old peeps home,and want to re-live their youth.So when the next trip comes round they make their excuses and stay behind.As the bus leaves the drive Cyril is in Bettys' room."Come on then Betyy you know you want it"he says."Yes i do but you must kiss me where it counts first".Cyril goes down and notices a ghastly smell."Aaaaggghhh it smell awful!" Cyril exclaims"Yes that's my arthritis"says Betty."You have arthritis down there?". "No" says Betty"It is in my shoulder,i haven't wiped my arse in weeks!"
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 23, 2006 19:50:21 GMT -1
;D Fucking gross mind
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Post by qprtrooper on Apr 24, 2006 9:35:17 GMT -1
Betty and Cyril live in an old peeps home,and want to re-live their youth.So when the next trip comes round they make their excuses and stay behind.As the bus leaves the drive Cyril is in Bettys' room."Come on then Betyy you know you want it"he says."Yes i do but you must kiss me where it counts first".Cyril goes down and notices a ghastly smell."Aaaaggghhh it smell awful!" Cyril exclaims"Yes that's my arthritis"says Betty."You have arthritis down there?". "No" says Betty"It is in my shoulder,i haven't wiped my arse in weeks!" ;D ahahahaha
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 25, 2006 15:44:46 GMT -1
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 25, 2006 15:46:09 GMT -1
One day a farmer goes into town to see a vet to see if how to tell that his pigs are pregnant.
The vet says that if there standing up in the morning there not pregnant, but if there rolling in the mud they are.
So the farmer goes home and loads all of his pigs in the back of his pick-up and takes them all out in the woods and f#cks them all once.
Then he takes them home and unloads them in there pin. Afterwards he gets tired so goes to bed.
The next morning he gets up and checks on the pigs and there standing up.
So he takes them all out in the woods and f#cks them all twice. Then goes home, quickly unloads them in there pin, and goes right to bed.
The next morning, very tired, the farmer gets up to check on his pigs, but they are still standing.
Again, he loads them in the truck, takes them to the woods, and f#cks them three times. Then he takes them home, unloads them, and goes straight to bed.
The next morning the farmer is so tired he can't even get out of bed, so he yells to his wife to come into his bedroom. He tells her to look out the window and tell him if the pigs are standing up or rolling in the mud.
His wife replies neither, they're all in the back of the truck, and ones tooting on the horn.
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