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Post by Arnold on Oct 12, 2007 22:04:23 GMT -1
This may amuse Spozz. Evening all btw! ;D
Spiders on drugs
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Oct 12, 2007 22:08:13 GMT -1
Had you mis-fortunate to a regular BBC 606 Poster some 18 months ago then the "Mystic Roaster" posts were a treasure to behold; maybe the mists in my balls are clearing...... But you mentioned it whether last week or weekend before as "Want an Excuse to get off work early....type thread"! Fooking great memory even though I've got cloudy balls! ;D Sodding hell man, I'd long since forgotten about that thread. That is quite something, that memory. www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=133188&command=displayContent&sourceNode=133171&contentPK=18527560&moduleName=InternalSearch&formname=sidebarsearch*edit* Cut and paste... * There is the local paper's report on it, and probably an image of my manager trying to look heroic (it isn't opening properly on mine) Doesn't work when you realise he's the reason that the window stil hasn't been replaced, as they all turned up about three days after that incedent, but the gaffer didn't.... So, how'r you, Ro? Tonsils like a fucking Bullfrog - in pain and been on anti-biotics since Tuesday (but not since about 4 ish this afternoon). Cool lager to ease the pain in my throat - and the anasthetic qualities are much better! ;D
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Post by Argyle_Smurf on Oct 12, 2007 22:10:02 GMT -1
I'll give it a punt... But first, what's up? Well my mate kinda pushed me against a wall and I've grazed my elbow and for some reason it's made me feel really naff.. Pathetic eh.. Need some larfs! Deal's a deal... Let's see how this one goes down: Burglar, breaks into a house, rummaging through the various cupboards and drawers and such, when he hears a voice, quite clearly say "Jesus is watching you!" Burglar freezes, assuming he's been caught, but after a minute passes nothing happens, so he assumes its a guilty conscience and carries on. Then, he hears it again "Jesus is watching you!". So he turns around and runs a torch around the room, eventually coming to rest in the corner on a parrot. He goes over to the parrot and asks "Did you say that?" To which the parrot replies "Yes" "So, you can speak good English, understand it and such?" "yeah, I'm well trained." "So, what's your name, parrot?" "Moses" "...what kind of IDIOT calls a parrot 'Moses?'" "Same kind of idiot that calls a Rottweiler 'Jesus'..."
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Post by Fizzy Bread on Oct 12, 2007 22:10:49 GMT -1
LOL Arnie, seen that before but tis always good for a giggle
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Post by Argyle_Smurf on Oct 12, 2007 22:11:21 GMT -1
Tonsils like a fucking Bullfrog - in pain and been on anti-biotics since Tuesday (but not since about 4 ish this afternoon). Cool lager to ease the pain in my throat - and the anasthetic qualities are much better! ;D Hard luck, buddy... gonna be an operation, or just a brief thing, or what? Yeah, I'm admiring the skill of Magners getting the pain out of my back...
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Oct 12, 2007 22:11:54 GMT -1
I feel a bit naff.. You're funny guys, make me laugh! Please! My daughter was talking to her teacher about whales. Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. My daughter then stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, her teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. To which the reply from my little girl was "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" And daughter's response; "Then you ask him".
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Oct 12, 2007 22:15:57 GMT -1
And knowing you're not a blonde Spozz you might like this one: -
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town (Luton).
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humour!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mate! I'm talking to the little fucker sat on your knee!"
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Post by Argyle_Smurf on Oct 12, 2007 22:23:56 GMT -1
I think Spozz buggered off....
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Oct 12, 2007 22:25:49 GMT -1
Tonsils like a fucking Bullfrog - in pain and been on anti-biotics since Tuesday (but not since about 4 ish this afternoon). Cool lager to ease the pain in my throat - and the anasthetic qualities are much better! ;D Hard luck, buddy... gonna be an operation, or just a brief thing, or what? Yeah, I'm admiring the skill of Magners getting the pain out of my back... I've been suffering with tonsilitus regularly (well kop it every 2-3 years) since I was 14. And 26 years later - even if offered the option of a tonsilectomy I'd tell the NHS (with all this MRSA and C.Diff about) to stick it. I'd rather take the manky pills and lay off the beer for a week, thank you very much!
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Post by Argyle_Smurf on Oct 12, 2007 22:27:34 GMT -1
Hard luck, buddy... gonna be an operation, or just a brief thing, or what? Yeah, I'm admiring the skill of Magners getting the pain out of my back... I've been suffering with tonsilitus regularly (well kop it every 2-3 years) since I was 14. And 26 years later - even if offered the option of a tonsilectomy I'd tell the NHS (with all this MRSA and C.Diff about) to stick it. I'd rather take the manky pills and lay off the beer for a week, thank you very much! They're not those 'Every Six Hours' pills, are they? They're a sodding nightmare...
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Oct 12, 2007 22:35:19 GMT -1
I've been suffering with tonsillitis regularly (well kop it every 2-3 years) since I was 14. And 26 years later - even if offered the option of a tonsillectomy I'd tell the NHS (with all this MRSA and C.Diff about) to stick it. I'd rather take the manky pills and lay off the beer for a week, thank you very much! They're not those 'Every Six Hours' pills, are they? They're a sodding nightmare... Every 6 hours - horrible little dusty fuckers that always get stuck in your throat! Taste is revolting - and cos you can't swallow anyway makes them taste even more revolting. Add that to the fact you can't eat - the fuckers repeat on you for 4 hours and even your farts smells of penicillin!
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Post by Argyle_Smurf on Oct 12, 2007 22:41:32 GMT -1
They're not those 'Every Six Hours' pills, are they? They're a sodding nightmare... Every 6 hours - horrible little dusty fuckers that always get stuck in your throat! Taste is revolting - and cos you can't swallow anyway makes them taste even more revolting. Add that to the fact you can't eat - the fuckers repeat on you for 4 hours and even your farts smells of penicillin! Fucking hell, man, are you SURE it's not worth the operation? Guess my joke needs to entertain you as well as Spozz (who buggered off without even a thank-you...) Did you like it, oh 606 Jester?
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Oct 12, 2007 23:01:26 GMT -1
An old one - but good!
Prefer Bernard Manning's "Rottweiler" joke though.
Man City sat in 3rd in the League and playing at Liverpool 2 points above them in the Top spot. Anyway Bernard drives his Rolls Royce up to Anfield and parks outside the ground ready for a quick get away and as he's leaving his motor a cheeky scouse voice enquires "£5 to look after your car mate?"
Bernard replies " Fuck off - left me rottweiler in the car"!
"Put's out fires does it Mister?" was the reply!
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Post by Argyle_Smurf on Oct 12, 2007 23:07:25 GMT -1
An old one - but good! Prefer Bernard Manning's "Rottweiler" joke though. Man City sat in 3rd in the League and playing at Liverpool 2 points above them in the Top spot. Anyway Bernard drives his Rolls Royce up to Anfield and parks outside the ground ready for a quick get away and as he's leaving his motor a cheeky scouse voice enquires "£5 to look after your car mate?" Bernard replies " Fuck off - left me rottweiler in the car"! "Put's out fires does it Mister?" was the reply! not bad...
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