Post by GresleyRam©®™ on Dec 12, 2007 21:08:20 GMT -1
NOW YOU'LL HAVE TO BARE WITH ME HERE, THERE'S LOADS SO ITS GONNA BE A BIGGIE!!
1. As it's the Panto season what 606 posters would you select to take on the leading roles of the popular panto's and why?
MMMMMMMMM, after recent events there are loads of people to choose from as this place has been a panto of late, but i'll go with the following:
*Chopper would play Jack from jack and the beanstalk – cos he’s always on about flicking ‘beans’!!
*Hurlock would be ‘Grumpy’ out of Snow White and the seven Dwarves as all he’s done of late is whinge, moan and be a grumpy bugger!
*Roaster and GFJ would have to be the ‘ugly sisters’ as they are a right pair of whingers, jealous of their better looking friends and they both clearly wear ill fitting hair-pieces!!
*Ramboy would be the ‘Magic Mirror’ as no matter how much I disagree with him, he always says nice things back to me!!
*POG would be the Genie – you post anything remotely dodgy and ‘poooooof’ its gone!!
*CAV, A2V and NEKO would be the 3 little pigs. CAV would build his house out of straw because he’s the dumbest of the 3 and just wants a quick solution to everything. A2V would build his out of sticks because he would believe it to be the most eco friendly option, and he likes to get one over on CAV and NEKO would build his out of bricks, because he’s clearly the most intelligent of the 3!!
2. Adam Pearson and Paul Jewell are in the DCFC Trophy room dusting off the Trophies and suddenly a genie appears. In true 'Arabian' fashion he grants 3 wishes - however there are some guidelines; and the genie guarantees that the 3 players (1 defender, 1 midfielder and 1 striker) whoever are selected WILL sign and commit to Derby County. Which 3 players would you want Pearson and Jewell to sign up to save Derby's Premiership season?
EASY!!!
1. John Terry – he’s a fighter and would be up for a scrap!!
2. Cesc Fabregas – just class and may even get earnshaw some service!!
3. Fernando Torres – can score by himself, and wouldn’t need the other 10 useless fuckwits to give him any service!
3. You had enough of your current job and run away and join the circus. What would your specialty act be?
I’d be a juggler – I have to juggle work, homelife, football, mini Gres, Mrs Gres, beer, 606 & time with my mates anyway so it’d be a piece of piss!!
4. As a veteran of the Caption Game what advice can you offer to up and coming or prospective new captioners?
As my old mate Roy Walker would say “Just say what you see” – thinking about it too much is a bad thing!
5. Is Chopper really as menacing in real-life as he portrays himself on 606?
Not really, he’s a top bloke! He’s one of them fellas though that you just know would be able to look after himself in a fight, so its best to keep him on your side!!
6. If you didn't spend so much time on 606 - how would otherwise occupy you seemingly limitless 'free-time'?
Gambling, drinking & taking drugs – good job you lot keep me busy then eh??
7. Will you make Mini Gres support Derby, or give him a choice of supporting whoever he wants?
He has a Derby shirt, he sings Derby songs and he knows that supporting anyone else will result in me killing santa and the tooth fairy – I think its best to lay the ground rules at an early age!!
8. To disprove/prove the Jolly Green Giant theory, did you eat a lot of sweetcorn as a kid?
LMAO – actually I did, and still do! I might sue them for excessive clothing bills!!
9. Compare the posters on here with your ten favourite Geographical features.
PASTIE, you are a bastard!!
1. DTR – he’s mount everest, except in human form!!
2. Chopper is like the Grand Canyon – he’s deeper than you expect, difficult to understand and dangerous if not treated with respect!
3. Hurlock is like Mount Etna – normally just a run of the mill volcano, but is liable to large eruptions once disturbed!!
4.CYS is like a sandy beach – everybody likes a sandy beach!!
5. CAV is the the Kalahari desert – if you go in unprepared, you’ll end up like toast!!
6. PASTIE is like Stalagmites – he likes it in cold, dreary, dark places!!
7. Peter2Dc is like Mount Rushmore – when you look at him from a different angle, it’s a different bloke !!!
8. MrsH, Spozz & Lollipop are like the Pyramids - beautiful to look at and HOT!
9. RedBlue is like the Norfolk Broads – endless, dreary, dull and incredibly pointless!
10. Coxy is like Eyres Rock – big, stands out and glows orange!!
10. In 2008 a New National Curriculum is launched for ten subject areas. If you were the Minister for Education, what would you like to see included in the teaching and learning for children in mainstream schools?
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
Singing, building, apples, honey and love – all of lifes essentials!!
11. In the event of global warming, a probable sea level rise is expected. As you have your own altitude advantage you have a higher probability of survival than most. When the waters eventually recede, how would you seek to reconstruct the brave new world?
I’d find the fittest female survivor, and breed like rabbits!! Simple – oh, and I’d find a surviving eastern European to build me a house!
12. How many corridors must a man walk down before we call him a man?
I would say 5.
1-3 is childs play, 3-5 is teenage years and 5 plus is a real mans territory!
13. To what extent do you feel that Chaos theory is reflected in the events on these message boards?
Chaos theory attempts to explain the fact that complex and unpredictable results can and will occur in systems that are sensitive to their initial conditions. A common example of this is known as the Butterfly Effect. It states that, in theory, the flutter of a butterfly's wings in China could, in fact, actually effect weather patterns in New York City, thousands of miles away.
In other words, it is possible that a very small occurance can produce unpredictable and sometimes drastic results by triggering a series of increasingly significant events.
I would say we prove the theory to be correct and very much in evidence on 606 (particularly over the last 4 weeks)!!
14. Should Billy Davis be the next England manager?
Should a man sleep with his brother?? I rest my case!
15. If you could reform one poster on these boards, who would it be and how would you alter their character?
I would like to make redblue more interesting, less annoying and make him have some friends. I know it would be a BIG job but no time limit was given in the question!
16. What do you think has happened to Peter2DC?
I think he’s been kidnapped by the ISOWPTA (Iranian Sons Of Welsh Packistani Terrorist Association) and is currently being ransomed for 5 camels and a plate of rarebit!!
17. Other than a footballer or basketball player, what piece of professional sporting aparatus would you have liked to have been?
I’d have liked to have been the ‘Horse’ used in Gymnastics – imagine the ladies I would have had sat astride me!!
18. If you ever were to be on the M5 near Junction 30 for Exeter Services, would you drive on by or stop and pay homage?
Once I’d purchased my gas mask and chemical protection suit I would have waded into the mens toilets and written GRES WAS HERE on the cubical wall!
19. "According to Mrs H, you deserve a good probing. If such a probing has to be administered, who on the board would you most trust to do a thorough job of it?"
a very tough question, and though friends with a lot of people on here, I cant really think of anyone I’d like to put their fingers up my arse! Purely on professional grounds it would have to be AC as she’s a nurse, but I’d apologise first!!
20. What do you do on matchdays now that you don't dress up as Rammie? Also is it true that you still use the outfit to spice up you sex life with Mrs Gres 'Ram me Rammie'
Nothing, and yes!
21. Is POG a virgin?
Judging by his age and the fact he lives in Birmingham I would say no – purely on the basis that 99.99% of over 12’s in brum had been shagged by someone!
22. 1, Is it true they built Pride Park because you outgrew the Baseball Ground?.
Yes, though I do still enjoy the odd bath at the BBG during the summer months!
23, Who the Fuck are you???
A very good question, and one that I cannot answer for fear of giving away my secret indentity!!
24, Have you ever been warned for your swearing in a pub?.
Yes but no but yes but no – I was warned, but only because a brummy, yank, welsh packi could throw his voice in 6 different dialects!
25, How far can you see from the very top of the tallest tower in Gresley Manor?.
I would say approximately 3 miles south, 1 mile north and half a mile east –west. It helps to spot invading Giants from the surrounding villages before the steal my ‘small folk’!!
26, How many Quaddies could you do in a night?.
Not being a massive vodka drinker, I could do 5 plus 1 down my shirt without too much trouble!
27, Are you a secret Gresley Rovers Fan?.
I AM a Gresley Rovers fan – no secret about it!! The Moatmen are my 2nd club!!
28, RBNO 2 is about to happen and it's "Fancy Dress" suggest some costumes for appropriate 606 posters?
OG would have to Huggy Bear – no need for an explanation!!
PASTIE could go as Mr Bean – he already has the jacket with patches on the arms!
SMURF could don his old school uniform and be Roland from Grange Hill.
DTR could eat too much ‘green’ and be a natural ‘HULK’
GFJ – having seen the recent photos, he could go as Brokeback Mountain!!
CAV & HURLOCK could easily pass as the pantomime cow, though not sure which one would be the arse!
CHOPPER could wear an inflatable suit and be Bernard manning
POG could draw on a tiny moustache, and pass as ‘Little Hitler’!!
JIMBOTHERAM needs to do nothing to be the ‘Invisible man’
HULSEY could put on some cricket whites, but even then I don’t think anybody would think he was a cricketer!!
29, Which superhero would you like to be and why?
Mini Gres once told me if I was a superhero I’d be called the ‘Fattest Bat’ and my super power would be firing pies out of my belly!! I’ll be him!!
30, If Derby signed Christiano Ronaldo would you start to like him?
No, I just wouldn’t hate him as much as I do now (see Tyrone Mears as good example)
31, Do you prefer being an Administrator or was life better when you were a Mod?.
Same shit different day!
32. Do you turn your mobile off on a Friday night or do you wait up worrying in anticipation?
My mobile lives on top of my fridge freezer at home as it’s the only place in Gresley Mansions that I get a signal – it stays on and to appease my worry I check it to make sure drunken text pesters are still alive!
33. Should being a text pest be a criminal offence and, if so, what should be the punishment?
Yes, and it should be punishable by 3 weeks cleaning of Exeter Services!
34. Can a code cracker be uploaded to this site to decipher posts typed in by those crippled by drink?
I already do it – not one drunken rant has beaten me yet!!
35. Have you ever tried microwaving any popular alcoholic beverages?
No, though I hear icey cold stella is far more appealing once warmed up for 30 seconds on defrost!!
36. If you had all the time in the world and all the drink but only a dark room, an internet connection and this message board, what do you think would become of you?
I’d turn into a geography teacher!!
37. Which poster on here do you think would be most completely useless in a fight?
Carrow Girl – she’s far too lovely!!
In terms of the blokes, I think Neko is too peace loving and RMBB is way too old!!
38. Should Welsh accents be falsified?
No, they should be banned!!
39. Is it painful to pass just one big sperm?
Well to coin a phrase, “this is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you” – at least I think that’s what I told the Mrs!
40. As it's nearly Christmas and we all llike food which 5 606ers would you eat first and why?
Mrs H – I think she would be nice and fruity!
Spozz – she’d be the starter, a bit like a chicken wing!
Mozza – he’d taste of denmark street chip shop!!
AC, Hannah, CG and Katie could be the pudding – all very sweet!!
41.do you realise the sun doesnt actually set? discuss...
Of course I knew that – A HA once said, “the sun always shines on TV” and who am I to argue??
42.whats the likely hood of there being a child born to the message board?
I think you have more chance of knitting a sweater out of snot!
43.do you feel sorry in anyway for kids too small to go on amusement park rides due to height restrictions?
I feel their unhappiness, it works in reverse you know!! I cant go on a lot of rides as I’m too big so I can empathise with the small people!!
44.do you think hiphop has sold it's soul by selling out to the record companies rather than still being angry over the unfainess of todays social inequalities in society?
Yes I do – there should be more songs about the fact that southerners have to pay anything up to £4 for a beer and the fact that up north we have to live in bigger, cheaper houses!!
45.do you like cake?
I love Cake – Dundee Cake is my personal fave?? How about you??
46.do you think some posters take this board too seriously? insert rant!
Yes I do but I cant be arsed to discuss it – they know who they are!
47.did mrsg know you were a geek before ye got together?
SSSSHHHHHHHHH – she still doesn’t know now!!
48.Do fish get thirsty?
The saying ‘water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink’ was famously said by a thirsty guppy, so the answer is yes!
49.how would you deal with the cillet bang lads shouting?
I shove the bottle of the useless stuff down Barry Scotts throat, shortly before handing him over to the relevant authorities!
50. Environmentalists are forever going on about people measuring their carbon footprint. Discuss the liklihood of the Family Gres' Carbon footprint being smaller than those left by your own feet.
Its very unlikely that the family G’s footprint will be smaller than my own!! Mrs G drives a petrol Hummer but only on short journeys, she uses the Bugatti Veyron on longer ones! Mini G’s Little tikes car is powered by Fossil fuels and Stepdaugher G gets through 28 bottles of deodorant a day due to an overactive sweat gland!
51. Derby County are clearly out of their depth in the top flight this season. At the risk of the clib yo-yo-ing between the Premier League and The Championship over the next few seasons, what steps would you like to see implemented to ensure that Derby County emulates Bolton Wanderers and ultimately becomes established in the top flight?
See question 2, or failing that we should brick up the goals and hope for a nil nil!!
52. Given you are the height of an average ostrich, what kind of activities/past-times would you like to participate in, like regular people, but are unable to due to your abnormal, freakish and un-natural physical height?
I cant go on fairground rides, I cant go potholing and I cant hide in most normal places you would expect during a game of ‘hide and seek’! You can imagine the stress and heartache this causes me!!
53. Dale Winton once "married" Nel McAndrew in a publicity stunt programme, which for a while at least, had people thinking he wasn't really as queer as a bottle of chips. There have often been suggestions from certain quarters that you resemble Dale Winton. Given this tenuous link, and flipping it on its head, who would you marry, in a civil partnership ceremony, to kid people into thinking you were as gay as a summer's day?
I’d marry Dale Winton!! I could get paid for being his ‘stunt double’ while I was at it as well! Everyones a winner!!
54. What's life really like being a door-to-door Betawear salesman?
Its hard work, I get through shoes like they’re going out of fashion and I get spat at by scumbags! Apart from that its fucking ace!
55. One of your clients is in a meeting with you. You notice several stains and blemishes upon their person as listed below:
- white crusty residue around their trouser flies
- a pubic hair stuck to their top lip
- they smell like they've just climbed out of Grimsby fish trawler.
- a little speckle of poo on their nose.
This client is your best ever. They buy buy buy whatever it is you're selling (out of the Betawear catalogue). You don't want to lose the client so how do you approach raising the subject of their appearance without upsetting them? You have no choice here either. It cannot be ignored. You must say something to them as you have to introduce them to your boss that afternoon. How does Gres cope with a situation like this?
I would tell them that they have shit on their nose, they smell like a prostitutes pants, that pubes line their mouth and jizz is on his slacks! I’d tell him to sort the fucker out before my boss gets here or I’ll tell his wife (cos I know she’s not a stinker – I shagged her) and I would demand 100% of his business in contract for the next 5 years! I’d refrain from shaking his hand, but I’d congratulate him on finally shagging ‘Tanya’ from accounts and that I’d won a £50 bet with his manager that he wouldn’t do it by xmas!
56. When can we expect the foot and mouth exclusion zone to be lifted from the Church Gresley reqion given your apparent infection with this festering disease?
Not til after December 20th when I have my next hospital appointment!!
57. Using a sentence of no less than 20 words for each, sum up your top 5 prowlers.
PASTIE – king of the corridors, serial text pest and alround funny bloke who I would love to go for a beer with!
ROASTER – drunken, fag smoking, ranting, rbno founder member who I class as a good mate and will see next year for another session of quaddy voddies!!
CYS is a fella that has a natural ability to make me laugh, he’s sharp as a tack and I reckon he’d be top company in a pub.
GFJ – Another drunken rant master, who always had the ability to make me laugh out loud, especially with his drunken typo’s!!
STERLAND – Really funny guy, another one who is as sharp as a tack but can take some flak as well - very much missed on the boards and is cracking company!!
THATS YOUR FUCKING LOT!!
HAVE A MERRY XMAS YA BUNCH OF BASTARDS!! ;D ;D
1. As it's the Panto season what 606 posters would you select to take on the leading roles of the popular panto's and why?
MMMMMMMMM, after recent events there are loads of people to choose from as this place has been a panto of late, but i'll go with the following:
*Chopper would play Jack from jack and the beanstalk – cos he’s always on about flicking ‘beans’!!
*Hurlock would be ‘Grumpy’ out of Snow White and the seven Dwarves as all he’s done of late is whinge, moan and be a grumpy bugger!
*Roaster and GFJ would have to be the ‘ugly sisters’ as they are a right pair of whingers, jealous of their better looking friends and they both clearly wear ill fitting hair-pieces!!
*Ramboy would be the ‘Magic Mirror’ as no matter how much I disagree with him, he always says nice things back to me!!
*POG would be the Genie – you post anything remotely dodgy and ‘poooooof’ its gone!!
*CAV, A2V and NEKO would be the 3 little pigs. CAV would build his house out of straw because he’s the dumbest of the 3 and just wants a quick solution to everything. A2V would build his out of sticks because he would believe it to be the most eco friendly option, and he likes to get one over on CAV and NEKO would build his out of bricks, because he’s clearly the most intelligent of the 3!!
2. Adam Pearson and Paul Jewell are in the DCFC Trophy room dusting off the Trophies and suddenly a genie appears. In true 'Arabian' fashion he grants 3 wishes - however there are some guidelines; and the genie guarantees that the 3 players (1 defender, 1 midfielder and 1 striker) whoever are selected WILL sign and commit to Derby County. Which 3 players would you want Pearson and Jewell to sign up to save Derby's Premiership season?
EASY!!!
1. John Terry – he’s a fighter and would be up for a scrap!!
2. Cesc Fabregas – just class and may even get earnshaw some service!!
3. Fernando Torres – can score by himself, and wouldn’t need the other 10 useless fuckwits to give him any service!
3. You had enough of your current job and run away and join the circus. What would your specialty act be?
I’d be a juggler – I have to juggle work, homelife, football, mini Gres, Mrs Gres, beer, 606 & time with my mates anyway so it’d be a piece of piss!!
4. As a veteran of the Caption Game what advice can you offer to up and coming or prospective new captioners?
As my old mate Roy Walker would say “Just say what you see” – thinking about it too much is a bad thing!
5. Is Chopper really as menacing in real-life as he portrays himself on 606?
Not really, he’s a top bloke! He’s one of them fellas though that you just know would be able to look after himself in a fight, so its best to keep him on your side!!
6. If you didn't spend so much time on 606 - how would otherwise occupy you seemingly limitless 'free-time'?
Gambling, drinking & taking drugs – good job you lot keep me busy then eh??
7. Will you make Mini Gres support Derby, or give him a choice of supporting whoever he wants?
He has a Derby shirt, he sings Derby songs and he knows that supporting anyone else will result in me killing santa and the tooth fairy – I think its best to lay the ground rules at an early age!!
8. To disprove/prove the Jolly Green Giant theory, did you eat a lot of sweetcorn as a kid?
LMAO – actually I did, and still do! I might sue them for excessive clothing bills!!
9. Compare the posters on here with your ten favourite Geographical features.
PASTIE, you are a bastard!!
1. DTR – he’s mount everest, except in human form!!
2. Chopper is like the Grand Canyon – he’s deeper than you expect, difficult to understand and dangerous if not treated with respect!
3. Hurlock is like Mount Etna – normally just a run of the mill volcano, but is liable to large eruptions once disturbed!!
4.CYS is like a sandy beach – everybody likes a sandy beach!!
5. CAV is the the Kalahari desert – if you go in unprepared, you’ll end up like toast!!
6. PASTIE is like Stalagmites – he likes it in cold, dreary, dark places!!
7. Peter2Dc is like Mount Rushmore – when you look at him from a different angle, it’s a different bloke !!!
8. MrsH, Spozz & Lollipop are like the Pyramids - beautiful to look at and HOT!
9. RedBlue is like the Norfolk Broads – endless, dreary, dull and incredibly pointless!
10. Coxy is like Eyres Rock – big, stands out and glows orange!!
10. In 2008 a New National Curriculum is launched for ten subject areas. If you were the Minister for Education, what would you like to see included in the teaching and learning for children in mainstream schools?
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
Singing, building, apples, honey and love – all of lifes essentials!!
11. In the event of global warming, a probable sea level rise is expected. As you have your own altitude advantage you have a higher probability of survival than most. When the waters eventually recede, how would you seek to reconstruct the brave new world?
I’d find the fittest female survivor, and breed like rabbits!! Simple – oh, and I’d find a surviving eastern European to build me a house!
12. How many corridors must a man walk down before we call him a man?
I would say 5.
1-3 is childs play, 3-5 is teenage years and 5 plus is a real mans territory!
13. To what extent do you feel that Chaos theory is reflected in the events on these message boards?
Chaos theory attempts to explain the fact that complex and unpredictable results can and will occur in systems that are sensitive to their initial conditions. A common example of this is known as the Butterfly Effect. It states that, in theory, the flutter of a butterfly's wings in China could, in fact, actually effect weather patterns in New York City, thousands of miles away.
In other words, it is possible that a very small occurance can produce unpredictable and sometimes drastic results by triggering a series of increasingly significant events.
I would say we prove the theory to be correct and very much in evidence on 606 (particularly over the last 4 weeks)!!
14. Should Billy Davis be the next England manager?
Should a man sleep with his brother?? I rest my case!
15. If you could reform one poster on these boards, who would it be and how would you alter their character?
I would like to make redblue more interesting, less annoying and make him have some friends. I know it would be a BIG job but no time limit was given in the question!
16. What do you think has happened to Peter2DC?
I think he’s been kidnapped by the ISOWPTA (Iranian Sons Of Welsh Packistani Terrorist Association) and is currently being ransomed for 5 camels and a plate of rarebit!!
17. Other than a footballer or basketball player, what piece of professional sporting aparatus would you have liked to have been?
I’d have liked to have been the ‘Horse’ used in Gymnastics – imagine the ladies I would have had sat astride me!!
18. If you ever were to be on the M5 near Junction 30 for Exeter Services, would you drive on by or stop and pay homage?
Once I’d purchased my gas mask and chemical protection suit I would have waded into the mens toilets and written GRES WAS HERE on the cubical wall!
19. "According to Mrs H, you deserve a good probing. If such a probing has to be administered, who on the board would you most trust to do a thorough job of it?"
a very tough question, and though friends with a lot of people on here, I cant really think of anyone I’d like to put their fingers up my arse! Purely on professional grounds it would have to be AC as she’s a nurse, but I’d apologise first!!
20. What do you do on matchdays now that you don't dress up as Rammie? Also is it true that you still use the outfit to spice up you sex life with Mrs Gres 'Ram me Rammie'
Nothing, and yes!
21. Is POG a virgin?
Judging by his age and the fact he lives in Birmingham I would say no – purely on the basis that 99.99% of over 12’s in brum had been shagged by someone!
22. 1, Is it true they built Pride Park because you outgrew the Baseball Ground?.
Yes, though I do still enjoy the odd bath at the BBG during the summer months!
23, Who the Fuck are you???
A very good question, and one that I cannot answer for fear of giving away my secret indentity!!
24, Have you ever been warned for your swearing in a pub?.
Yes but no but yes but no – I was warned, but only because a brummy, yank, welsh packi could throw his voice in 6 different dialects!
25, How far can you see from the very top of the tallest tower in Gresley Manor?.
I would say approximately 3 miles south, 1 mile north and half a mile east –west. It helps to spot invading Giants from the surrounding villages before the steal my ‘small folk’!!
26, How many Quaddies could you do in a night?.
Not being a massive vodka drinker, I could do 5 plus 1 down my shirt without too much trouble!
27, Are you a secret Gresley Rovers Fan?.
I AM a Gresley Rovers fan – no secret about it!! The Moatmen are my 2nd club!!
28, RBNO 2 is about to happen and it's "Fancy Dress" suggest some costumes for appropriate 606 posters?
OG would have to Huggy Bear – no need for an explanation!!
PASTIE could go as Mr Bean – he already has the jacket with patches on the arms!
SMURF could don his old school uniform and be Roland from Grange Hill.
DTR could eat too much ‘green’ and be a natural ‘HULK’
GFJ – having seen the recent photos, he could go as Brokeback Mountain!!
CAV & HURLOCK could easily pass as the pantomime cow, though not sure which one would be the arse!
CHOPPER could wear an inflatable suit and be Bernard manning
POG could draw on a tiny moustache, and pass as ‘Little Hitler’!!
JIMBOTHERAM needs to do nothing to be the ‘Invisible man’
HULSEY could put on some cricket whites, but even then I don’t think anybody would think he was a cricketer!!
29, Which superhero would you like to be and why?
Mini Gres once told me if I was a superhero I’d be called the ‘Fattest Bat’ and my super power would be firing pies out of my belly!! I’ll be him!!
30, If Derby signed Christiano Ronaldo would you start to like him?
No, I just wouldn’t hate him as much as I do now (see Tyrone Mears as good example)
31, Do you prefer being an Administrator or was life better when you were a Mod?.
Same shit different day!
32. Do you turn your mobile off on a Friday night or do you wait up worrying in anticipation?
My mobile lives on top of my fridge freezer at home as it’s the only place in Gresley Mansions that I get a signal – it stays on and to appease my worry I check it to make sure drunken text pesters are still alive!
33. Should being a text pest be a criminal offence and, if so, what should be the punishment?
Yes, and it should be punishable by 3 weeks cleaning of Exeter Services!
34. Can a code cracker be uploaded to this site to decipher posts typed in by those crippled by drink?
I already do it – not one drunken rant has beaten me yet!!
35. Have you ever tried microwaving any popular alcoholic beverages?
No, though I hear icey cold stella is far more appealing once warmed up for 30 seconds on defrost!!
36. If you had all the time in the world and all the drink but only a dark room, an internet connection and this message board, what do you think would become of you?
I’d turn into a geography teacher!!
37. Which poster on here do you think would be most completely useless in a fight?
Carrow Girl – she’s far too lovely!!
In terms of the blokes, I think Neko is too peace loving and RMBB is way too old!!
38. Should Welsh accents be falsified?
No, they should be banned!!
39. Is it painful to pass just one big sperm?
Well to coin a phrase, “this is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you” – at least I think that’s what I told the Mrs!
40. As it's nearly Christmas and we all llike food which 5 606ers would you eat first and why?
Mrs H – I think she would be nice and fruity!
Spozz – she’d be the starter, a bit like a chicken wing!
Mozza – he’d taste of denmark street chip shop!!
AC, Hannah, CG and Katie could be the pudding – all very sweet!!
41.do you realise the sun doesnt actually set? discuss...
Of course I knew that – A HA once said, “the sun always shines on TV” and who am I to argue??
42.whats the likely hood of there being a child born to the message board?
I think you have more chance of knitting a sweater out of snot!
43.do you feel sorry in anyway for kids too small to go on amusement park rides due to height restrictions?
I feel their unhappiness, it works in reverse you know!! I cant go on a lot of rides as I’m too big so I can empathise with the small people!!
44.do you think hiphop has sold it's soul by selling out to the record companies rather than still being angry over the unfainess of todays social inequalities in society?
Yes I do – there should be more songs about the fact that southerners have to pay anything up to £4 for a beer and the fact that up north we have to live in bigger, cheaper houses!!
45.do you like cake?
I love Cake – Dundee Cake is my personal fave?? How about you??
46.do you think some posters take this board too seriously? insert rant!
Yes I do but I cant be arsed to discuss it – they know who they are!
47.did mrsg know you were a geek before ye got together?
SSSSHHHHHHHHH – she still doesn’t know now!!
48.Do fish get thirsty?
The saying ‘water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink’ was famously said by a thirsty guppy, so the answer is yes!
49.how would you deal with the cillet bang lads shouting?
I shove the bottle of the useless stuff down Barry Scotts throat, shortly before handing him over to the relevant authorities!
50. Environmentalists are forever going on about people measuring their carbon footprint. Discuss the liklihood of the Family Gres' Carbon footprint being smaller than those left by your own feet.
Its very unlikely that the family G’s footprint will be smaller than my own!! Mrs G drives a petrol Hummer but only on short journeys, she uses the Bugatti Veyron on longer ones! Mini G’s Little tikes car is powered by Fossil fuels and Stepdaugher G gets through 28 bottles of deodorant a day due to an overactive sweat gland!
51. Derby County are clearly out of their depth in the top flight this season. At the risk of the clib yo-yo-ing between the Premier League and The Championship over the next few seasons, what steps would you like to see implemented to ensure that Derby County emulates Bolton Wanderers and ultimately becomes established in the top flight?
See question 2, or failing that we should brick up the goals and hope for a nil nil!!
52. Given you are the height of an average ostrich, what kind of activities/past-times would you like to participate in, like regular people, but are unable to due to your abnormal, freakish and un-natural physical height?
I cant go on fairground rides, I cant go potholing and I cant hide in most normal places you would expect during a game of ‘hide and seek’! You can imagine the stress and heartache this causes me!!
53. Dale Winton once "married" Nel McAndrew in a publicity stunt programme, which for a while at least, had people thinking he wasn't really as queer as a bottle of chips. There have often been suggestions from certain quarters that you resemble Dale Winton. Given this tenuous link, and flipping it on its head, who would you marry, in a civil partnership ceremony, to kid people into thinking you were as gay as a summer's day?
I’d marry Dale Winton!! I could get paid for being his ‘stunt double’ while I was at it as well! Everyones a winner!!
54. What's life really like being a door-to-door Betawear salesman?
Its hard work, I get through shoes like they’re going out of fashion and I get spat at by scumbags! Apart from that its fucking ace!
55. One of your clients is in a meeting with you. You notice several stains and blemishes upon their person as listed below:
- white crusty residue around their trouser flies
- a pubic hair stuck to their top lip
- they smell like they've just climbed out of Grimsby fish trawler.
- a little speckle of poo on their nose.
This client is your best ever. They buy buy buy whatever it is you're selling (out of the Betawear catalogue). You don't want to lose the client so how do you approach raising the subject of their appearance without upsetting them? You have no choice here either. It cannot be ignored. You must say something to them as you have to introduce them to your boss that afternoon. How does Gres cope with a situation like this?
I would tell them that they have shit on their nose, they smell like a prostitutes pants, that pubes line their mouth and jizz is on his slacks! I’d tell him to sort the fucker out before my boss gets here or I’ll tell his wife (cos I know she’s not a stinker – I shagged her) and I would demand 100% of his business in contract for the next 5 years! I’d refrain from shaking his hand, but I’d congratulate him on finally shagging ‘Tanya’ from accounts and that I’d won a £50 bet with his manager that he wouldn’t do it by xmas!
56. When can we expect the foot and mouth exclusion zone to be lifted from the Church Gresley reqion given your apparent infection with this festering disease?
Not til after December 20th when I have my next hospital appointment!!
57. Using a sentence of no less than 20 words for each, sum up your top 5 prowlers.
PASTIE – king of the corridors, serial text pest and alround funny bloke who I would love to go for a beer with!
ROASTER – drunken, fag smoking, ranting, rbno founder member who I class as a good mate and will see next year for another session of quaddy voddies!!
CYS is a fella that has a natural ability to make me laugh, he’s sharp as a tack and I reckon he’d be top company in a pub.
GFJ – Another drunken rant master, who always had the ability to make me laugh out loud, especially with his drunken typo’s!!
STERLAND – Really funny guy, another one who is as sharp as a tack but can take some flak as well - very much missed on the boards and is cracking company!!
THATS YOUR FUCKING LOT!!
HAVE A MERRY XMAS YA BUNCH OF BASTARDS!! ;D ;D