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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:10:05 GMT -1
LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.
GREAT ONE THIS AND SO BLOODY TRUE!!!
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:10:55 GMT -1
Be careful when giving beggars money for 'a cup of tea', as some of the less scrupulous ones may be tempted to spend it on strong liquor
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Post by Stan on Sept 26, 2006 9:13:41 GMT -1
LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green. GREAT ONE THIS AND SO BLOODY TRUE!!! The man that speaketh the truth walk on dangerous ground! |
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:15:26 GMT -1
;D LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green. GREAT ONE THIS AND SO BLOODY TRUE!!! The man that speaketh the truth walk on dangerous ground! |
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:15:47 GMT -1
TEENAGERS. Make sure your dad doesn't find out you've been watching his porn films by not whistling the theme tune to Emmanuelle at the dinner table
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:16:38 GMT -1
FATTIES. Take a tip from smokers and stop your cravings for chips by Sellotaping a crisp to the top of your arm each morning
;D ;D ;D
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:17:01 GMT -1
SUPERMARKETS. Help promote healthy living by putting your cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for fatties to fit through
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:17:28 GMT -1
WEIGHT watchers. After reaching your ideal weight, maintain it by weighing yourself before and after a dump. The weight difference is the amount of food you can eat before having another dump.
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:17:53 GMT -1
PUBLIC toilet users. When you realise the person in the next cubicle is holding fire until you leave, simply open and close the toilet door without leaving. Their first plop can then be greeted with a huge cheer
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Post by Stan on Sept 26, 2006 9:18:18 GMT -1
SUPERMARKETS. Help promote healthy living by putting your cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for fatties to fit through such a good idea! |
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Post by peter2dc on Sept 26, 2006 9:18:35 GMT -1
Do not get driving directions from a woman....as "pass the tree with the little leaves" is not an accurate discription of turning left onto the motorway...
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:18:36 GMT -1
CONVINCE bar staff that your pint is off by sticking your finger up your arse before holding the glass close to their nose.
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:23:09 GMT -1
Shoe bombers. Increase your payload by becoming a clown
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:23:42 GMT -1
talking from experience, mate?! Do not get driving directions from a woman....as "pass the tree with the little leaves" is not an accurate discription of turning left onto the motorway... |
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:24:55 GMT -1
To make a pot of supermarket coleslaw go further, simply grate a carrot, some cabbage and an onion into the tub, then add some mayonnaise
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:25:42 GMT -1
DRUNKEN drivers. When making your way home from a night out, put 'L' plates on your car to convince patrol-ling police that any careless driving is the result of inexperience rather than drink. How you explain a 3am driving lesson is up to you
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Post by JJ on Sept 26, 2006 9:26:14 GMT -1
SUDOKU lovers. Solve your puzzles in seconds by logging on to sudoku.sourceforge.net, typing the clues into the grid and clicking the 'solve' button. This will save hours, leaving you plenty of time to do something worthwhile.
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Post by Giar on Sept 26, 2006 9:26:55 GMT -1
Be careful when giving beggars money for 'a cup of tea', as some of the less scrupulous ones may be tempted to spend it on strong liquor the swines!!!  damn im feeling stupid now, cause i gave a beggar a bottle of whiskey this morning before work, because the little bugger said he was going to sell it to get enough money for a cup of tea  |
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Post by peter2dc on Sept 26, 2006 9:26:58 GMT -1
being married gives you great insight into the woman phsyche...
When shopping with women...DONT
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Post by Giar on Sept 26, 2006 9:28:15 GMT -1
PUBLIC toilet users. When you realise the person in the next cubicle is holding fire until you leave, simply open and close the toilet door without leaving. Their first plop can then be greeted with a huge cheer lol  im going to do that later  |
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