|
|
Post by Greenday Everyday on Apr 4, 2006 8:28:02 GMT -1
Now your scaring everyone Mrs H. At the thought of Stan having kids? Contained in one place, fine but all over the world.<shiver goes down my back.> |
|
|
|
Post by Stan on Apr 4, 2006 8:30:24 GMT -1
At the thought of Stan having kids? Contained in one place, fine but all over the world.<shiver goes down my back.> Shame on you...! |
|
|
|
Post by Greenday Everyday on Apr 4, 2006 8:40:56 GMT -1
Contained in one place, fine but all over the world.<shiver goes down my back.> Shame on you...! I'd need a bucket on every street corner. |
|
|
|
Post by shinny on Apr 4, 2006 8:46:59 GMT -1
you lot seem to have somethign about catholic girls... nowt wrong with us...
|
|
|
|
Post by Mrs H on Apr 4, 2006 8:49:27 GMT -1
There you go Stan. Shinny's a Catholic girl  |
|
|
|
Post by Mrs H on Apr 4, 2006 8:57:50 GMT -1
Mother Superior: "Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you're accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?" Sister Maria: "I would lift my habit, mother Superior." Mother Superior (shocked): "And what would you do next?" Sister Maria: "I would tell him to drop his pants." Mother Superior: (even more shocked) "And what then?" Sister Maria: "I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he with his pants down."
|
|
|
|
Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 4, 2006 10:13:03 GMT -1
;D That's a good 'un!
|
|
|
|
Post by shinny on Apr 4, 2006 10:23:51 GMT -1
There you go Stan. Shinny's a Catholic girl don't know what you're implying |
|
|
|
Post by Mrs H on Apr 4, 2006 10:53:32 GMT -1
There you go Stan. Shinny's a Catholic girl don't know what you're implying Stan said he liked Catholic girls! |
|
|
|
Post by shinny on Apr 4, 2006 11:07:32 GMT -1
don't know what you're implying Stan said he liked Catholic girls! and... |
|
|
|
Post by Mrs H on Apr 4, 2006 11:16:02 GMT -1
This is my favourite
The seven dwarfs are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city. After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the pope. Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say; he keeps asking the pontiff questions about the church, and in particular, nuns. "Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?" "No, my son, all our nuns are at least five feet tall." "Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?" "I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?" "No reason." Pause. "Positive? Nobody in a habit that's about three feet tall, two and a half feet tall?" "I'm sure." "Okay." Grumpy looks dejected at this news, and the pope wonders why. So he listens to the dwarfs as they leave the building. "What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six dwarfs. Grumpy says, "He said they don't have any." And the other six start chanting, "Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin!"....
|
|
|
|
Post by shinny on Apr 4, 2006 11:35:03 GMT -1
PMSL
|
|
|
|
Post by GresleyRam©®™ on Apr 7, 2006 18:22:30 GMT -1
A bus load of nuns get killed in a horrific accident, and they all go to Heaven's gates and wait patiently to be seen to!
St. Peter comes to see whats going on and asks the first nun "Have you ever come into contact with a penis?"
Sister megan replies "yes, but i only touched it with my finger!"
Peter makes her go to nthe Font of holy water and wash her finger before letting her in to heaven.
Sister Louise is next up, and peter asks her the same question to which she replies "I grabbed a penis with my hands st. peter" Peter duly tells her to give her hands a thorough wash in the holy water before letting her into Heaven.
Just then, they is an almighty commotion as nuns start wrestling to get to the front - eventually Sister Mary forces her way to the Front.
St. Peter asks "what is the meening of this commotion Sister Mary?"
She replies "i just want to make sure i can gargle the Holy water before Sister Sinead washes her arse with it!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 13, 2006 17:55:05 GMT -1
This is clean:
Three nuns were talking.
The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. Last week I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.
The third nun fainted.
|
|
|
|
Post by Roaster©®™ on Apr 15, 2006 21:21:51 GMT -1
Nuns ran an orphanage for girls in a rural part of Georgia.
One day, the Mother Superior called in 3 teenage girls who were about to leave and seek their way in life.
'You have led a very sheltered life and you are going into an extremely sinful world,' she said.
'I must warn you that men will take advantage of you. They'll do anything to get their way.
They'll take you to restaurants, buy you drinks and dinner, then back to their apartments and motels where they'll undress you, do terrible things, give you twenty or thirty dollars and kick you out.'
'Excuse me, Mother,' one of the girls asked. 'You mean men will take advantage of us and give us cash?'
'Yes child, why do you ask?'
'Because the priests only give us candy!'
|
|
|
|
Post by Roaster©®™ on Jun 13, 2006 20:05:12 GMT -1
These two nuns walk into a liquor store one evening just before closing time.
They select a cheap bottle of brandy from the shelf and attempt to check out when the clerk begins hesitating.
"Excuse me sisters", he says shyly, "but I don't normally sell alcoholic beverages to nuns."
It's perfectly okay they reassured the clerk," this is strictly for medicinal purposes."
"Very well" said the clerk, "that will be $6.50"
The nuns thanked him and were on their way.
About twenty minutes later, as the clerk is locking the front door, he notices the two nuns staggering down the street, obviously drunk.
He approaches the two and in a very stern voice says "I am ashamed of you two!
You lied to me and told me that the brandy I sold you was for medicinal purposes only, and just look at you now!"
To this the nuns replied "Don't feel bad kind sir, we did not lie to you .
You see the Mother superior has been constipated lately and when she sees us, she is going to SHIT!"
|
|
leicesterlass
Trainee
Retired. Catch me on facebook/e-mail on my profile if you wish.
Posts: 8
|
Post by leicesterlass on Jun 16, 2006 9:58:49 GMT -1
2 nuns are being raped down a country lane. The first nun says, "Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they are doing." The second nun says, "Oh my God, this fucker does!!!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Roaster©®™ on Jun 19, 2006 16:51:09 GMT -1
Still funny the 2nd time round ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by redwhine on Jun 25, 2006 3:27:31 GMT -1
Difference between a nun in the chapel and a nun in the bath?
A nun in the chapel has a soul full of hope.
(Clue : thinkSpoonerism)
|
|
|
|
Post by redwhine on Jul 9, 2006 3:33:15 GMT -1
The Mother Superior gets up one morning full of the joys of life. As she goes down to the dining room, Sister Mary greets her by saying "It looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." On her way to the chapel, Sister Joan says "It looks like you got out of bed the wrong side."
This happens several times with every nun she meets and when Sister Valerie says the same, she asks why, because she feels so well.
"You're wearing Father Patrick's carpet slippers, Reverend Mother." Came the reply.
|
|
Your friendly messageboard Spiderman. {=}{/=}
Forever without exception. x
