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Post by Roaster©®™ on Dec 5, 2007 20:52:39 GMT -1
My missus came home with a tube of K-Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." She was right.
As soon as she went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
She couldn't get back in.... ;D
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Dec 5, 2007 20:53:38 GMT -1
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Dec 5, 2007 21:18:14 GMT -1
Two fellas were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nowt special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 2, 2008 19:26:54 GMT -1
Started my new job last week with the Samaritans, phoned up this morning to say I was sick and wouldn't be in. The fuckers talked me out of it!
;D
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 2, 2008 19:27:22 GMT -1
I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down. ;D
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 16, 2008 10:05:20 GMT -1
A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with vicks vapour rub.
Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.
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Post by T C on Jan 17, 2008 14:03:14 GMT -1
A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with vicks vapour rub. Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours. LOL
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Post by Roaster©®™ on Jan 18, 2008 21:03:09 GMT -1
What does a 12 volt battery and a woman's sphincter have in common?
You know it's wrong, but sooner or later your tongue is going there ;D
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 22, 2008 15:49:30 GMT -1
A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding it's load across the carriageway.
Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, shocked, flabbergasted, startled, speechless and amazed
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 27, 2008 20:02:03 GMT -1
I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday, he said "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."
;D
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Post by CarrowGirl on Jan 27, 2008 20:13:33 GMT -1
lol ;D ;D ;D
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Jan 29, 2008 9:11:15 GMT -1
Did you hear about Gary Coleman? Hes lost the feeling in his left arm and his right leg. When asking the doctors, they said he'd had different strokes.
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 5, 2008 8:55:28 GMT -1
A Olympic frisbee player died this week after catching something that was going around.
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Post by T C on Feb 5, 2008 9:00:50 GMT -1
not one of your best
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 5, 2008 9:02:10 GMT -1
it was a corny one just for you
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 5, 2008 9:03:11 GMT -1
Father: Listen son, no matter what you hear or read, wanking will not make you go blind....
Son: Dad, I'm over here....
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Post by T C on Feb 5, 2008 9:16:42 GMT -1
mildly better
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 17, 2008 15:14:22 GMT -1
A policeman is walking down the street when he spot a blonde with condoms over her ears. Intriqued, he walks up to the blonde and asks "Why are you wearing condoms over your ears?!"
The blonde replies: "I didn't want to get hearing aids"
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 26, 2008 11:20:38 GMT -1
I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a 'bag for life' - I said "No thanks, I'm already married."
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Post by CmonYouSpurs on Feb 26, 2008 11:21:19 GMT -1
Middle aged woman says 2 her husband "the guys at work say i have the breasts of an 18 year old" husband replies sarcastically "what about your 55 year old twat? wife says "you wernt even mentioned".
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