Post by jh1980 on Mar 25, 2008 22:49:50 GMT -1
I'm knackered, can't be arsed typing anything witty, here's the answers...
1. As a cod psychologist I believe you have issues with rejection and abandonment and therefore you cling. I put it to you that you are indeed a Klingon. Does this mean your forehead resembles a Cornish pastie?
Your cod psychology may be correct, though I would like to think I don't cling. My forehead is generally smooth, and by no means contains a central ridge of the sort associated with that particular Sci-Fi lifeform.
2. As a cod psychologist I have a strong suspicion that flirting doesn’t come easily to you. How would you Julian woo a lady with your charm (include chat up lines and hypothetical heavy petting techniques)
Your own lack of experience of my flirting may be colouring your judgement. I suggest you ask others about their impressions of me in that regard (whatever they later came to think!) I don't use chat-up lines, everybody knows they are cheesy and naff, or to put it another way I would not use a cheap line unless the lady in question was well aware of my tendencies towards irony. As for heavy petting, I will not go into exhibitionist detail, however given that I managed to unhook a bra-strap swiftly with one hand on my first ever date, and did not receive a slap
for it, should be indication that my manual dexterity is at the very least "sufficient" ;D
3. As a cod psychologist put into order these fears:
a) Being anally raped by Hurlock
b) Taunting the poor with Hurlock
c) Enjoying a Conservative Party conference with Hurlock
I don't believe that Hurls would anally rape me, but that would be by far the worst possibility. Taunting the poor might be fun, Lord knows I spend enough time characterising the North as a 3rd World country on here! I cannot conceive of myself enjoying a Conservative Party conference, except possibly the one where that MP sang his own alternative version of "Land of Hope and Glory" - in which case I'd have been rolling in the aisles as their poll ratings plummetted!
4. Exactly how Welsh are you? And would you do Charlotte Church?
My mother is Welsh and my father is English. Therefore I am half-Welsh. Of course I'd "do" Charlotte Church, at least hypothetically and should the opportunity arise... well you get what I'm saying!
5. In a paragraph please describe your feelings for Cav.
Do I need a paragraph? He's reasonably amusing and quite pleasant company some of the time. At other times he's needlessly offensive for his own strange gratification, which I find bewildering and unfortunate!
6. Do you fancy H because you’ve been led to believe she’s got an arse like a sheep?
No. I fancied H because I believed that we had several things in common that matter to me, she seemed an intelligent girl and I found her rather pretty. Plus we used to get on well. I suspect if she had "an arse like a sheep" I would be rather alarmed, and put off!
7. You claim to be a true romantic Jules…… What would your idea of a romantic date be??
I claim to be both a romantic and a realist, an idealist and a pragmatist. No contradiction intended, that's just life. Without speaking in flowery language, a romantic date would involve dinner at a nice restaurant that we both liked the look/sound of, followed perhaps by some idle conversation beneath the stars, and goodnight kisses at the end. Cliché, you say?! Who asked you, I reply! I somewhat think that there is
more romance in things other than the "set-piece" date anyhow...
8. The only day the hot date can make is the same day as the Cup Final that Cardiff have reached (well you can dream ), what do you do???
A ridiculous scenario! However the final is in the afternoon, the date would be in the evening. Living where I do I would be able to make it home, shower and change before picking up said lady - eschewing the doubtless triumphant piss-up!
9. It is your stag do and you have a feeling that your mates have got you a stripper - what is your idea of the ideal stripper and what should she originally be wearing??
I'm not sure I approve of Stag and Hen Do's - they are frightfully common! *sniffs!* However given they are pretty much de rigeur these days, erm, she would ideally be a brunette, slender but with curves nonetheless. I think she should be a cocktail singer - and be singing a sultry jazz song as she strips for me! After all, nurses and policewomen and all that sort of thing has been overdone by the stripping community, I feel! Is somebody canvassing for the role of being my Best Man?!
10. In a movie of your life - what actor would you like to play you and who should play his leading lady??
Well I admire Robert DeNiro above most, but feel he would be mis-cast as me... plus he's a bit old now! That Antonio Banderas was looking sharp in the M&S adverts, but can he act well?! I'm not convinced. The leading lady would have to be Monica Bellucci, because she's an excellent actress and oh-ho-ho-so beautiful! I might have to do a "Mr Burns" and cast myself to play myself... a side bonus meaning that I get to play with the delightful Ms Bellucci!
11. You haven't seen pics of the following posters: describe how you think they look!
* CarrowGirl
* AC
* Chopper
* Gres
* Trav
Well... I *have* seen pics of all of those posters. However if I were to imagine them...
CG - sweet
AC - friendly
Chop - grizzled
Gres - BIG
Trav - wise
12. When you were a little boy - what did you want to be when you grew up??
Astronaut (age 5), Footballer (7-10), "In a Band" (Teen years generally).
13. Jules can you speak French or do you let the funky music do the talking?
Oui je parle un petit peut de Francais, mais le "hot musique du Funk" est les balles de la chien!
14. Which is heavier a pound of Vanessa Feltz fat or a pound of feathers?
They both weigh a pound. I am no fool!!!
15. Is it acrylic or real?
Eh? Is this something to do with MDF and Plywood?!
16. Mint sauce or KY Jelly; which do you prefer on your lamb?
I'd put in a bid for Redcurrant Jelly with the Lamb actually... tastes good! Plus the other less printable answer I gave you Kev!
17.Describe your love/hate relationship with Hurls.
We get on great, though he sometimes comes over a little too condescending, almost fatherly! Yeah we don't agree on politics but usually after the dust settles it's all in good humour and we can happily have a pint or seven together!
18. Do you think you should have been a mod, and that the vote was rigged?
I think I'd be a decent enough moderator should the opportunity again arise. I don't believe that the vote was actively rigged, however those who only made one preference should probably have been forced to make two preferences like those who followed the rules, as it would doubtless have had an impact on the results. Sorry if that's too complicated an answer, but it's the correct answer!
19. Do sheep push back harder when you have them on the edge of a cliff?
I wouldn't know, but I suspect that sheep have the good sense to avoid death when close to cliff edges!
20. Do you make a conscious effort on your Elvis quiff?
No, I'm just naturally similar in appearance to Elvis' less attractive and less known cousin, Dwayne Presley!
21. If you hate your job so much why don’t you quit?
I have a mortgage which I cannot default on, thus losing my home. I would need another job on a similar salary lined up. I am applying for jobs here and there - just started and will keep you posted, if you're good!
22. Compare 6 606’ers to the cast of Friends
That's a tricky one.
Ross: Billy. Nice but therefore put upon.
Chandler: Arnie. I hear he does that dance, and everything! ;D
Joey: Hurlock, in his younger days. Definitely!
Rachel: CYS. Because I couldn't think, and the idea is funny!
Monica: Mrs H. Rather controlling I hear, has the occasional strop when things don't go her way. (I'll pay for that no doubt! )
Phoebe: Neko. A little odd, though occasionally endearing with that!
23. Ken Livingstone vs. Boris Johnson; discuss.
Boris is a fat Tory loon (loon being political slang for one who is not only mad but also incredibly silly!)
Ken is a true representative of the people of London and has done much to improve public transport in this fair city.
If you disagree, and live in London - please waste your vote on the Lib Dem - or better still, leave!
24. Why do you continue to demean yourself on the boards with your efforts to woo Mrs H when you know your efforts are always likely to fall on deaf ears, and at times be mocked? It can’t be good for your esteem.
I don't demean myself, do I?! I've made very little effort with Mrs H at any point precisely because I never expected anything to come of it. I didn't expect to be mocked though - at least, not by her
25. Do you agree with the general assumption that you are the 606 groomer?
Of whose assumption do you speak?! No, I disagree with that assertion, I hear all sorts about what has and does go on behind the scenes and I think there are plenty worse. Yes I've made some moves, some women on the board have liked me, doesn't make me a groomer. I also find the particular phrase "groomer" slightly defamatory, however I can't be arsed getting a lawyer, so knock yourself out!
26. You seem adverse to exercise, so why not opt for the easy route and have a hair cut. I'm sure you'd she'd a few pounds physically and financially!
I'm not averse to exercise. Nice gag though, I could use a haircut as it happens. I recognise the style of this question and will be round later... you have been warned!
27. As CG is a chef does she like a good roasting!
Surely that is a question for CG, not for me! Or if that's ducking the question - I don't know, but I doubt it!
28. CG, AC, Sooz, Lolly and SSW are all girls you have pestered on PM, is there anyone else we should know about?
Your assertion flies wide of the mark. I have not "pestered" anyone on PM, nor have I been associated with either AC or Lolly. As revealed in my last Hotseat, yes I have been close to Sooz and SSW in the past, and CG is a good friend of mine.There is one other person with whom I have corresponded, but I don't feel it appropriate... oh sod it, 'twas Spozz!
29. Is it true Sooz can't go on top, as she risks burning her arse on the lightbulb?
I don't quite understand what you are saying there. Sooz can go on top though, of that I am sure!
30. You've made your way around the ladies of the board yet you're single, you often remark about how lonely you are and yet, it appears, you do little about it. May I suggest you look further than the realms of this here board?
Again, a misapprehension! I have not "made my way around the ladies of the board." Yes I am lonely sometimes, aren't we all? Unfortunately I seem to be undergoing something of a dry spell in "the real world" and getting pissed in a nightclub is not imho the way to resolve that!
31. You're Welsh and you're a Cardiff follower. Let's face it, that's a damn raw deal you've been handed there. What do you feel are your more, redeeming qualities?
I am proud and delighted to be Welsh. I can think of nothing more boring than to claim to be "100% English."
Intelligence, loyalty, willingness to listen, having a conscience, having a social conscience - these are some of my better qualities.
32. Doubtless the questions on this Hotseat will be great in number and equally harsh in content, why did you put yourself forward to be grilled?
I didn't expect this many, I must say! I did the Hotseat before and it was not especially discomforting - as I recall! Hence I had no qualms when I signed up about going through it again.
33. Out of all the lovely ladies on 606, would do you feel you would be suited to most and why?
See Question 6. However I may have been wrong, and now I don't know. Generally speaking they all have some great qualities, and I mean that... sincerely!
34. If H asked you to pick the peanuts out of her shit, would you?
Nope!
35. Is Trav your Nemesis? First he takes your desired ‘modness’ and now he's making a play for the salacious sex kitten Mrs H.
I voted for Trav! Well sadly not even Trav can melt the heart of Mrs H it seems... I certainly wouldn't call him my nemesis.
36. 606 have to stage a production of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, you are the director. Who would you chose as the key characters?
I'm gonna be here all night! I'll go for the obvious interpretation, though I'm a little rusty on the plot...
Macbeth - CAV
Lady Macbeth - Mrs H
King Duncan - Gres
Banquo - Billy
Macduff - Travis
The 3 Witches - Lolly, Spozz and errr Chopper!
37. Why do you think you are more intellectual than other posters? If you feel people are not on your intellect level, why are you a member here?
How are these things assessed? Yep, well there's your answer, but I'd rather forget about it. Which brings us neatly to the board - I wouldn't want to spend all my leisure time talking about Classical Philosophy. I also think that a lot of the regular posters on here are pretty bright themselves and certainly can match me in debate when they want to. I don't disrespect anyone here, for the record, and I don't think I'm the greatest human being in the world - so get off my back!
38. Does anyone who shows the slightest amount of intelligence, threaten you and make you feel insecure?
No. What a very odd question. I like intelligent people a lot more than idiots!
39. Name and address of your employer, so that I can report you for internet abuse and work avoidance.
You must be joking! Okay... my name is Peter...Jones...and I work for, err, err, Haringey Council, in the erm Environmental Health Unit!
40. What’s your overall assessment of POG?
Don't know him very well, don't really have anything against him, but his time as Mod didn't go as well for him as I'm sure he'd have hoped. It can be tough though. I have no idea as to the state of his virginity!
41. What is Wales’ best export?
In no particular order, Brains Bitter, Ryan Giggs, Mark Hughes, Cardiff City Football Club every other weekend, and the glorious Welsh International Rugby Squad!
42. Out of Wilde and Goldie Lookin’ Chain, who would win a rap contest and why? The intellectual high ground is not an option!
I'm unfamiliar with Wilde The GLC rule, if only for that song "Your Missus is a Nutter!" - cracks me up every time!
43. You’ve recently revealed a reluctance to use your index finger during the throes of intercourse to enhance a lady’s pleasure. How depraved exactly would you be willing to get for the right girl?
Get it right, I am reluctant to stick my finger up their arse! Happy to use my fingers in most other places! Not sure, none of the women I've actually been with have seemed particularly kinky - you should have given more examples, I'm broad minded generally as long as it doesn't involve playing with urine or faeces!
44. Picture the scene; you are in a luxurious hotel suite and there before you lay Charlotte Church and her beau, Gavin Henson. Both are naked; Charlotte is just out of the bath and smelling heavenly, Gavin is waxed up and tanned. You are given the choice of having intercourse with one of them, and although initially drawn to Charlotte, she babbles on like a philistine about fashion and celebrity life, Gavin in contrast prefers to ponder the works of Shakespeare, Jean Paul Sartre and has a keen interest medieval history. Would your intellectual sensibilities dictate that you went for the tight brown over the easy pink?
Nope, I'd take Charlotte's mind off the various ephemera with the gift of sweet lovin'... however I might go for a pint with Gavin after to compare notes!
45. Are there in circumstances in which you’d actually consider going to watch Cardiff City play?
Yes. Does this question have an undertone?
46. Care to explain this holiday snap?................................
That would appear to be the cover of the seminal (sic) NOFX album "Heavy Petting Farm." It portrays a cowboy, possibly the "Marlboro Man" going 69 with a sheep. This shows the truth of the matter - illicit relations with farmyard animals have always been popular in North America, but to spare the nation's blushes, this was initially blamed on the Irish community. The Irish community threatened a sustained campaign of violence, and so the label was attached to the Welsh community instead.Unfortunately this stuck, due to the naturally peaceful
tendencies of the Welsh people (whatever you may have read about Cardiff City fans).
47. “We built this city on rock ‘n’ roll.....” or so Starship claimed. In your professional opinion, do you consider that it would’ve been wiser to use sturdier foundations?
Yes. I'm not actually trained as a structural engineer, but I imagine that the motion of those rolling rhythms, and the tendency of bass frequencies to cause a rumble, would mean that any such city would be sadly doomed to collapse and widespread death. Which presumably is funny to Starship, and their largely-sociopathic fanbase.
48. Who would you consider to be the true ‘King Of Rock ‘n’ Roll’; Elvis Presley or Paddy McAloon of Prefab Sprout?
Elvis. Moreover Elvis was Welsh - read Howard Marks' latest book "Senor Nice" for the proof!
49. Do you think that the ‘chip on the shoulder’ that the Welsh carry in regards to the English is borne of an inferiority complex?
No I think that 1) it is in response to centuries of hard (and later soft) repression and 2) doesn't actually matter a damn to most people until you ask about it!!! ;D
50. Time to be candid! In your quiet, more intimate moments, how many of the 606 ladies have you masturbated over? Furthermore, who are they and how often do they feature in your solo fiddle playing?
Erm... who wanted to know about my cumshots?! None of the 606 ladies currently feature in my *ahem* intimate moments! While I was writing "high quality filth" for Sooz, SSW and Spozz I did naturally get a little excited... so I may have been occasionally known to "bash the bishop" (or preferred phrase of your choice) over them - and I offer no apology whatsoever!
51. What characteristic would you consider to be of utmost importance when choosing your ideal partner, other than a pulse?
Shared interests and priorities.
52. The Welsh have allegedly got good singing voices?? Are you tenor, alto or soprano? Or do you sing like a lark? (A pillark )
Yes. I had a lovely boy treble voice until my voice broke, after which point I had a fairly lovely bass voice, and more recently I would describe my voice as a baritone. A man's singing voice doesn't fully mature until his mid-30s so Trav for example should be at his musical zenith about now!
53. Is your hair real or are you just wearing it in for someone?
My hair is very real, as you will notice if you tug it, shortly before I kick you in the balls!
54. Avoiding the words "sheep shagger", which 5 words best describe yourself.
Articulate man full of contradictions.
55. Jules, without this sounding too harsh, do you consider yourself a pain in the ass? Sometimes your posts come across too much like you know it all and dumb other poster's comments down. You seem very quick to correct others and can come across very anal and picky. I think you'd be seen in a better light if you didn't do this. Is that a fair comment?
Yeah it's a fair comment but if people make mistakes I can't stop myself from correcting them, maybe a touch of OCD. On the politics board I have a tendency to dismiss some views, which is a symptom of having excessively passionate beliefs. I didn't ask to be loved by all however, and I think people who know me well enough know that I'm a nice lad really.
56. Do you find pulling girls in the real world hard work compared to bagging one night stands from 606's past? The stats don't lie.
I'd happily never have another one night stand. They are emotionally unfulfilling and would not stand up to analysis of effort vs. reward.
57. Do you think a flaw of you as a person is that you get yourself involved in things that don't concern you too much and your very reluctant to let things drop? I've lost count of the amount of arguments I've read on the board where you are involved.
I wouldn't say it was a flaw, nor would I say it was unique to me - takes two to tangle as they say. It seems some people (or someone) has stored up a bit of resentment for me, if you're that bothered by me talk to me properly face to face, I'm happy to hear your concerns.
58. I think you take things far too seriously for an internet messageboard and sometimes your a bit harshly ganged up on because of it. If you didn't bite so often, do you think you'd make yourself less of an easy target?
I'm quite serious-minded inbetween the shits and giggles. Yeah sometimes people gang up on me, what can you do, some people are arseholes! I am who I am and only the truly talented/devious can change who they are.
59. Would you consider yourself to be too clingy with the opposite sex and if so, why do you think this is? I'm basing this question due to what I've heard.
That's the same as Question 1 I think. I don't know, I didn't write the manual on how to behave, and I didn't read it either, I do what I do and if someone falls for me as a result that's a bonus.
60. Once the comb-over disappears, what type of sheep would you choose as a ready made curly blonde wig?
That won't happen, as I am not and will not go bald.
61. Who would win in the battle of the sheepshaggers, the Taffs or the New Zealanders? They're quite tough them Maoris!
Probably NZ, having crocked all our talented nippy players and steamrollered the rest. At the very top level in Rugby Union skill all too often is beaten by having the biggest hardest players.
62. Rugby is a game for fat blokes who cant play football...discuss.
Ignorant statement, rugby players these days are very fit. Both games require a great deal of skill, both at their best are exhilarating to watch.
63. The Welsh language is just ridiculous & sounds horrible, why do they bother teaching it?
English almost certainly seems ridiculous and sounds horrible to people in some country or other. It is taught largely because keeping alive a nation's cultural and literary heritage is of inestimable importance.
Incidentally, I may ask in every hotseat from now on for a definition of "Englishness" as I'm sure nobody could come up with more than a line of tired clichés!!!
64. Liken 5 606'ers to famous Taffs.
Trav - Neil Kinnock. Balding and ginger!
Billy - Captain Marley, grandfather of Bob Marley. Last seen by British forces on shore leave with an enormous reefer!
Mrs H - Charlotte Church cos I'm sure she'd sing if you stuck it up her arse!
Hurls - Tom Jones - he's an ageing self-proclaimed "sex bomb!"
Shinny - Shane Williams cos she's the best rugby player on this board (I hear!)
(It's late and I'm tired, went back to this question and trying to finish this fast!)
65. Do you join in with the singing in the film 'Zulu'?
Men of Harlech?! Why of course!!!
66. Why did your lot choose cheese on toast as your national dish? are you all just lazy cooks?
Haha, I don't think Welsh Rarebit was *chosen* as our national dish. It's alright though, can't beat a bit of that...!
67. Name your all time favourite 6 Welsh football players and why
Giggs, Hughes - childhood heroes
Earnshaw, Gabbidon, Parry and Ledley - current/recent heroes
68. Do you like yellow box junctions? Do you think they would be useful at busy roundabouts?
I have no particular love of yellow box junctions but if Kev really wants one I will annoy people I know at Hillingdon Council on his behalf!
69. In all honesty would you rather have been English?
No. I'd not change my heritage for the world.
70. Have you ever used a leek for sexual favours? And if not would you like to?
No, and no!
71. What is your favourite flavour of condom?
They all taste a bit rubbery don't they? Anyway they're not for me to lick!!!
72. Tell me, why do you open up so much on here? If you want, a therapy thread could be setup? I charge £50 per post. All money received would be put into my drinking fund.
I'm a pretty open person, and it doesn't tend to hurt. Even if things are used against me here I'm able to eventually remind myself that what happens here doesn't really matter unless I let it.
73. Have you always read into things so much?
I over-analyse, it's how my brain is wired. Analytical skills are however valued in the job market, I gather...
74. Are any of the female members safe from Jules the predator?
I'm not a predator, and every female member is safe with me, assuming that's what they want lol!!!
1. As a cod psychologist I believe you have issues with rejection and abandonment and therefore you cling. I put it to you that you are indeed a Klingon. Does this mean your forehead resembles a Cornish pastie?
Your cod psychology may be correct, though I would like to think I don't cling. My forehead is generally smooth, and by no means contains a central ridge of the sort associated with that particular Sci-Fi lifeform.
2. As a cod psychologist I have a strong suspicion that flirting doesn’t come easily to you. How would you Julian woo a lady with your charm (include chat up lines and hypothetical heavy petting techniques)
Your own lack of experience of my flirting may be colouring your judgement. I suggest you ask others about their impressions of me in that regard (whatever they later came to think!) I don't use chat-up lines, everybody knows they are cheesy and naff, or to put it another way I would not use a cheap line unless the lady in question was well aware of my tendencies towards irony. As for heavy petting, I will not go into exhibitionist detail, however given that I managed to unhook a bra-strap swiftly with one hand on my first ever date, and did not receive a slap
for it, should be indication that my manual dexterity is at the very least "sufficient" ;D
3. As a cod psychologist put into order these fears:
a) Being anally raped by Hurlock
b) Taunting the poor with Hurlock
c) Enjoying a Conservative Party conference with Hurlock
I don't believe that Hurls would anally rape me, but that would be by far the worst possibility. Taunting the poor might be fun, Lord knows I spend enough time characterising the North as a 3rd World country on here! I cannot conceive of myself enjoying a Conservative Party conference, except possibly the one where that MP sang his own alternative version of "Land of Hope and Glory" - in which case I'd have been rolling in the aisles as their poll ratings plummetted!
4. Exactly how Welsh are you? And would you do Charlotte Church?
My mother is Welsh and my father is English. Therefore I am half-Welsh. Of course I'd "do" Charlotte Church, at least hypothetically and should the opportunity arise... well you get what I'm saying!
5. In a paragraph please describe your feelings for Cav.
Do I need a paragraph? He's reasonably amusing and quite pleasant company some of the time. At other times he's needlessly offensive for his own strange gratification, which I find bewildering and unfortunate!
6. Do you fancy H because you’ve been led to believe she’s got an arse like a sheep?
No. I fancied H because I believed that we had several things in common that matter to me, she seemed an intelligent girl and I found her rather pretty. Plus we used to get on well. I suspect if she had "an arse like a sheep" I would be rather alarmed, and put off!
7. You claim to be a true romantic Jules…… What would your idea of a romantic date be??
I claim to be both a romantic and a realist, an idealist and a pragmatist. No contradiction intended, that's just life. Without speaking in flowery language, a romantic date would involve dinner at a nice restaurant that we both liked the look/sound of, followed perhaps by some idle conversation beneath the stars, and goodnight kisses at the end. Cliché, you say?! Who asked you, I reply! I somewhat think that there is
more romance in things other than the "set-piece" date anyhow...
8. The only day the hot date can make is the same day as the Cup Final that Cardiff have reached (well you can dream ), what do you do???
A ridiculous scenario! However the final is in the afternoon, the date would be in the evening. Living where I do I would be able to make it home, shower and change before picking up said lady - eschewing the doubtless triumphant piss-up!
9. It is your stag do and you have a feeling that your mates have got you a stripper - what is your idea of the ideal stripper and what should she originally be wearing??
I'm not sure I approve of Stag and Hen Do's - they are frightfully common! *sniffs!* However given they are pretty much de rigeur these days, erm, she would ideally be a brunette, slender but with curves nonetheless. I think she should be a cocktail singer - and be singing a sultry jazz song as she strips for me! After all, nurses and policewomen and all that sort of thing has been overdone by the stripping community, I feel! Is somebody canvassing for the role of being my Best Man?!
10. In a movie of your life - what actor would you like to play you and who should play his leading lady??
Well I admire Robert DeNiro above most, but feel he would be mis-cast as me... plus he's a bit old now! That Antonio Banderas was looking sharp in the M&S adverts, but can he act well?! I'm not convinced. The leading lady would have to be Monica Bellucci, because she's an excellent actress and oh-ho-ho-so beautiful! I might have to do a "Mr Burns" and cast myself to play myself... a side bonus meaning that I get to play with the delightful Ms Bellucci!
11. You haven't seen pics of the following posters: describe how you think they look!
* CarrowGirl
* AC
* Chopper
* Gres
* Trav
Well... I *have* seen pics of all of those posters. However if I were to imagine them...
CG - sweet
AC - friendly
Chop - grizzled
Gres - BIG
Trav - wise
12. When you were a little boy - what did you want to be when you grew up??
Astronaut (age 5), Footballer (7-10), "In a Band" (Teen years generally).
13. Jules can you speak French or do you let the funky music do the talking?
Oui je parle un petit peut de Francais, mais le "hot musique du Funk" est les balles de la chien!
14. Which is heavier a pound of Vanessa Feltz fat or a pound of feathers?
They both weigh a pound. I am no fool!!!
15. Is it acrylic or real?
Eh? Is this something to do with MDF and Plywood?!
16. Mint sauce or KY Jelly; which do you prefer on your lamb?
I'd put in a bid for Redcurrant Jelly with the Lamb actually... tastes good! Plus the other less printable answer I gave you Kev!
17.Describe your love/hate relationship with Hurls.
We get on great, though he sometimes comes over a little too condescending, almost fatherly! Yeah we don't agree on politics but usually after the dust settles it's all in good humour and we can happily have a pint or seven together!
18. Do you think you should have been a mod, and that the vote was rigged?
I think I'd be a decent enough moderator should the opportunity again arise. I don't believe that the vote was actively rigged, however those who only made one preference should probably have been forced to make two preferences like those who followed the rules, as it would doubtless have had an impact on the results. Sorry if that's too complicated an answer, but it's the correct answer!
19. Do sheep push back harder when you have them on the edge of a cliff?
I wouldn't know, but I suspect that sheep have the good sense to avoid death when close to cliff edges!
20. Do you make a conscious effort on your Elvis quiff?
No, I'm just naturally similar in appearance to Elvis' less attractive and less known cousin, Dwayne Presley!
21. If you hate your job so much why don’t you quit?
I have a mortgage which I cannot default on, thus losing my home. I would need another job on a similar salary lined up. I am applying for jobs here and there - just started and will keep you posted, if you're good!
22. Compare 6 606’ers to the cast of Friends
That's a tricky one.
Ross: Billy. Nice but therefore put upon.
Chandler: Arnie. I hear he does that dance, and everything! ;D
Joey: Hurlock, in his younger days. Definitely!
Rachel: CYS. Because I couldn't think, and the idea is funny!
Monica: Mrs H. Rather controlling I hear, has the occasional strop when things don't go her way. (I'll pay for that no doubt! )
Phoebe: Neko. A little odd, though occasionally endearing with that!
23. Ken Livingstone vs. Boris Johnson; discuss.
Boris is a fat Tory loon (loon being political slang for one who is not only mad but also incredibly silly!)
Ken is a true representative of the people of London and has done much to improve public transport in this fair city.
If you disagree, and live in London - please waste your vote on the Lib Dem - or better still, leave!
24. Why do you continue to demean yourself on the boards with your efforts to woo Mrs H when you know your efforts are always likely to fall on deaf ears, and at times be mocked? It can’t be good for your esteem.
I don't demean myself, do I?! I've made very little effort with Mrs H at any point precisely because I never expected anything to come of it. I didn't expect to be mocked though - at least, not by her
25. Do you agree with the general assumption that you are the 606 groomer?
Of whose assumption do you speak?! No, I disagree with that assertion, I hear all sorts about what has and does go on behind the scenes and I think there are plenty worse. Yes I've made some moves, some women on the board have liked me, doesn't make me a groomer. I also find the particular phrase "groomer" slightly defamatory, however I can't be arsed getting a lawyer, so knock yourself out!
26. You seem adverse to exercise, so why not opt for the easy route and have a hair cut. I'm sure you'd she'd a few pounds physically and financially!
I'm not averse to exercise. Nice gag though, I could use a haircut as it happens. I recognise the style of this question and will be round later... you have been warned!
27. As CG is a chef does she like a good roasting!
Surely that is a question for CG, not for me! Or if that's ducking the question - I don't know, but I doubt it!
28. CG, AC, Sooz, Lolly and SSW are all girls you have pestered on PM, is there anyone else we should know about?
Your assertion flies wide of the mark. I have not "pestered" anyone on PM, nor have I been associated with either AC or Lolly. As revealed in my last Hotseat, yes I have been close to Sooz and SSW in the past, and CG is a good friend of mine.There is one other person with whom I have corresponded, but I don't feel it appropriate... oh sod it, 'twas Spozz!
29. Is it true Sooz can't go on top, as she risks burning her arse on the lightbulb?
I don't quite understand what you are saying there. Sooz can go on top though, of that I am sure!
30. You've made your way around the ladies of the board yet you're single, you often remark about how lonely you are and yet, it appears, you do little about it. May I suggest you look further than the realms of this here board?
Again, a misapprehension! I have not "made my way around the ladies of the board." Yes I am lonely sometimes, aren't we all? Unfortunately I seem to be undergoing something of a dry spell in "the real world" and getting pissed in a nightclub is not imho the way to resolve that!
31. You're Welsh and you're a Cardiff follower. Let's face it, that's a damn raw deal you've been handed there. What do you feel are your more, redeeming qualities?
I am proud and delighted to be Welsh. I can think of nothing more boring than to claim to be "100% English."
Intelligence, loyalty, willingness to listen, having a conscience, having a social conscience - these are some of my better qualities.
32. Doubtless the questions on this Hotseat will be great in number and equally harsh in content, why did you put yourself forward to be grilled?
I didn't expect this many, I must say! I did the Hotseat before and it was not especially discomforting - as I recall! Hence I had no qualms when I signed up about going through it again.
33. Out of all the lovely ladies on 606, would do you feel you would be suited to most and why?
See Question 6. However I may have been wrong, and now I don't know. Generally speaking they all have some great qualities, and I mean that... sincerely!
34. If H asked you to pick the peanuts out of her shit, would you?
Nope!
35. Is Trav your Nemesis? First he takes your desired ‘modness’ and now he's making a play for the salacious sex kitten Mrs H.
I voted for Trav! Well sadly not even Trav can melt the heart of Mrs H it seems... I certainly wouldn't call him my nemesis.
36. 606 have to stage a production of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, you are the director. Who would you chose as the key characters?
I'm gonna be here all night! I'll go for the obvious interpretation, though I'm a little rusty on the plot...
Macbeth - CAV
Lady Macbeth - Mrs H
King Duncan - Gres
Banquo - Billy
Macduff - Travis
The 3 Witches - Lolly, Spozz and errr Chopper!
37. Why do you think you are more intellectual than other posters? If you feel people are not on your intellect level, why are you a member here?
How are these things assessed? Yep, well there's your answer, but I'd rather forget about it. Which brings us neatly to the board - I wouldn't want to spend all my leisure time talking about Classical Philosophy. I also think that a lot of the regular posters on here are pretty bright themselves and certainly can match me in debate when they want to. I don't disrespect anyone here, for the record, and I don't think I'm the greatest human being in the world - so get off my back!
38. Does anyone who shows the slightest amount of intelligence, threaten you and make you feel insecure?
No. What a very odd question. I like intelligent people a lot more than idiots!
39. Name and address of your employer, so that I can report you for internet abuse and work avoidance.
You must be joking! Okay... my name is Peter...Jones...and I work for, err, err, Haringey Council, in the erm Environmental Health Unit!
40. What’s your overall assessment of POG?
Don't know him very well, don't really have anything against him, but his time as Mod didn't go as well for him as I'm sure he'd have hoped. It can be tough though. I have no idea as to the state of his virginity!
41. What is Wales’ best export?
In no particular order, Brains Bitter, Ryan Giggs, Mark Hughes, Cardiff City Football Club every other weekend, and the glorious Welsh International Rugby Squad!
42. Out of Wilde and Goldie Lookin’ Chain, who would win a rap contest and why? The intellectual high ground is not an option!
I'm unfamiliar with Wilde The GLC rule, if only for that song "Your Missus is a Nutter!" - cracks me up every time!
43. You’ve recently revealed a reluctance to use your index finger during the throes of intercourse to enhance a lady’s pleasure. How depraved exactly would you be willing to get for the right girl?
Get it right, I am reluctant to stick my finger up their arse! Happy to use my fingers in most other places! Not sure, none of the women I've actually been with have seemed particularly kinky - you should have given more examples, I'm broad minded generally as long as it doesn't involve playing with urine or faeces!
44. Picture the scene; you are in a luxurious hotel suite and there before you lay Charlotte Church and her beau, Gavin Henson. Both are naked; Charlotte is just out of the bath and smelling heavenly, Gavin is waxed up and tanned. You are given the choice of having intercourse with one of them, and although initially drawn to Charlotte, she babbles on like a philistine about fashion and celebrity life, Gavin in contrast prefers to ponder the works of Shakespeare, Jean Paul Sartre and has a keen interest medieval history. Would your intellectual sensibilities dictate that you went for the tight brown over the easy pink?
Nope, I'd take Charlotte's mind off the various ephemera with the gift of sweet lovin'... however I might go for a pint with Gavin after to compare notes!
45. Are there in circumstances in which you’d actually consider going to watch Cardiff City play?
Yes. Does this question have an undertone?
46. Care to explain this holiday snap?................................
That would appear to be the cover of the seminal (sic) NOFX album "Heavy Petting Farm." It portrays a cowboy, possibly the "Marlboro Man" going 69 with a sheep. This shows the truth of the matter - illicit relations with farmyard animals have always been popular in North America, but to spare the nation's blushes, this was initially blamed on the Irish community. The Irish community threatened a sustained campaign of violence, and so the label was attached to the Welsh community instead.Unfortunately this stuck, due to the naturally peaceful
tendencies of the Welsh people (whatever you may have read about Cardiff City fans).
47. “We built this city on rock ‘n’ roll.....” or so Starship claimed. In your professional opinion, do you consider that it would’ve been wiser to use sturdier foundations?
Yes. I'm not actually trained as a structural engineer, but I imagine that the motion of those rolling rhythms, and the tendency of bass frequencies to cause a rumble, would mean that any such city would be sadly doomed to collapse and widespread death. Which presumably is funny to Starship, and their largely-sociopathic fanbase.
48. Who would you consider to be the true ‘King Of Rock ‘n’ Roll’; Elvis Presley or Paddy McAloon of Prefab Sprout?
Elvis. Moreover Elvis was Welsh - read Howard Marks' latest book "Senor Nice" for the proof!
49. Do you think that the ‘chip on the shoulder’ that the Welsh carry in regards to the English is borne of an inferiority complex?
No I think that 1) it is in response to centuries of hard (and later soft) repression and 2) doesn't actually matter a damn to most people until you ask about it!!! ;D
50. Time to be candid! In your quiet, more intimate moments, how many of the 606 ladies have you masturbated over? Furthermore, who are they and how often do they feature in your solo fiddle playing?
Erm... who wanted to know about my cumshots?! None of the 606 ladies currently feature in my *ahem* intimate moments! While I was writing "high quality filth" for Sooz, SSW and Spozz I did naturally get a little excited... so I may have been occasionally known to "bash the bishop" (or preferred phrase of your choice) over them - and I offer no apology whatsoever!
51. What characteristic would you consider to be of utmost importance when choosing your ideal partner, other than a pulse?
Shared interests and priorities.
52. The Welsh have allegedly got good singing voices?? Are you tenor, alto or soprano? Or do you sing like a lark? (A pillark )
Yes. I had a lovely boy treble voice until my voice broke, after which point I had a fairly lovely bass voice, and more recently I would describe my voice as a baritone. A man's singing voice doesn't fully mature until his mid-30s so Trav for example should be at his musical zenith about now!
53. Is your hair real or are you just wearing it in for someone?
My hair is very real, as you will notice if you tug it, shortly before I kick you in the balls!
54. Avoiding the words "sheep shagger", which 5 words best describe yourself.
Articulate man full of contradictions.
55. Jules, without this sounding too harsh, do you consider yourself a pain in the ass? Sometimes your posts come across too much like you know it all and dumb other poster's comments down. You seem very quick to correct others and can come across very anal and picky. I think you'd be seen in a better light if you didn't do this. Is that a fair comment?
Yeah it's a fair comment but if people make mistakes I can't stop myself from correcting them, maybe a touch of OCD. On the politics board I have a tendency to dismiss some views, which is a symptom of having excessively passionate beliefs. I didn't ask to be loved by all however, and I think people who know me well enough know that I'm a nice lad really.
56. Do you find pulling girls in the real world hard work compared to bagging one night stands from 606's past? The stats don't lie.
I'd happily never have another one night stand. They are emotionally unfulfilling and would not stand up to analysis of effort vs. reward.
57. Do you think a flaw of you as a person is that you get yourself involved in things that don't concern you too much and your very reluctant to let things drop? I've lost count of the amount of arguments I've read on the board where you are involved.
I wouldn't say it was a flaw, nor would I say it was unique to me - takes two to tangle as they say. It seems some people (or someone) has stored up a bit of resentment for me, if you're that bothered by me talk to me properly face to face, I'm happy to hear your concerns.
58. I think you take things far too seriously for an internet messageboard and sometimes your a bit harshly ganged up on because of it. If you didn't bite so often, do you think you'd make yourself less of an easy target?
I'm quite serious-minded inbetween the shits and giggles. Yeah sometimes people gang up on me, what can you do, some people are arseholes! I am who I am and only the truly talented/devious can change who they are.
59. Would you consider yourself to be too clingy with the opposite sex and if so, why do you think this is? I'm basing this question due to what I've heard.
That's the same as Question 1 I think. I don't know, I didn't write the manual on how to behave, and I didn't read it either, I do what I do and if someone falls for me as a result that's a bonus.
60. Once the comb-over disappears, what type of sheep would you choose as a ready made curly blonde wig?
That won't happen, as I am not and will not go bald.
61. Who would win in the battle of the sheepshaggers, the Taffs or the New Zealanders? They're quite tough them Maoris!
Probably NZ, having crocked all our talented nippy players and steamrollered the rest. At the very top level in Rugby Union skill all too often is beaten by having the biggest hardest players.
62. Rugby is a game for fat blokes who cant play football...discuss.
Ignorant statement, rugby players these days are very fit. Both games require a great deal of skill, both at their best are exhilarating to watch.
63. The Welsh language is just ridiculous & sounds horrible, why do they bother teaching it?
English almost certainly seems ridiculous and sounds horrible to people in some country or other. It is taught largely because keeping alive a nation's cultural and literary heritage is of inestimable importance.
Incidentally, I may ask in every hotseat from now on for a definition of "Englishness" as I'm sure nobody could come up with more than a line of tired clichés!!!
64. Liken 5 606'ers to famous Taffs.
Trav - Neil Kinnock. Balding and ginger!
Billy - Captain Marley, grandfather of Bob Marley. Last seen by British forces on shore leave with an enormous reefer!
Mrs H - Charlotte Church cos I'm sure she'd sing if you stuck it up her arse!
Hurls - Tom Jones - he's an ageing self-proclaimed "sex bomb!"
Shinny - Shane Williams cos she's the best rugby player on this board (I hear!)
(It's late and I'm tired, went back to this question and trying to finish this fast!)
65. Do you join in with the singing in the film 'Zulu'?
Men of Harlech?! Why of course!!!
66. Why did your lot choose cheese on toast as your national dish? are you all just lazy cooks?
Haha, I don't think Welsh Rarebit was *chosen* as our national dish. It's alright though, can't beat a bit of that...!
67. Name your all time favourite 6 Welsh football players and why
Giggs, Hughes - childhood heroes
Earnshaw, Gabbidon, Parry and Ledley - current/recent heroes
68. Do you like yellow box junctions? Do you think they would be useful at busy roundabouts?
I have no particular love of yellow box junctions but if Kev really wants one I will annoy people I know at Hillingdon Council on his behalf!
69. In all honesty would you rather have been English?
No. I'd not change my heritage for the world.
70. Have you ever used a leek for sexual favours? And if not would you like to?
No, and no!
71. What is your favourite flavour of condom?
They all taste a bit rubbery don't they? Anyway they're not for me to lick!!!
72. Tell me, why do you open up so much on here? If you want, a therapy thread could be setup? I charge £50 per post. All money received would be put into my drinking fund.
I'm a pretty open person, and it doesn't tend to hurt. Even if things are used against me here I'm able to eventually remind myself that what happens here doesn't really matter unless I let it.
73. Have you always read into things so much?
I over-analyse, it's how my brain is wired. Analytical skills are however valued in the job market, I gather...
74. Are any of the female members safe from Jules the predator?
I'm not a predator, and every female member is safe with me, assuming that's what they want lol!!!